Pissed off(16 Posts)
Okay so I'm going to whinge but I think I have a fair point!
So me and DH have been together 6 years and married 2.
We are a blended family and live right across the street from PIL.
Ever since we got married his parents have done their best to make me feel like utter dog crap.
The reason we live across the street directly opposite is because we could not afford our own place so we rent of BIL!
We settle in and PIL esp MIL are horrible!
The family couldn't make me and my kids feel more unwelcome if they tried!!
No visitors except MIL to shout at me or barge in or BIL to criticise something like the curtains!!
His kids 19 and 22 never come over etc!
Anyway we have DD and still nobody bothers which is all good
Anyway we get two pups which are lovely and suddenly niece and nephew are coming round asking to show their mates the cute pups!
Turning up unannounced to see the dogs!
Then BIL keeps coming round to "see the pups" and take them out!
Because they are cute and small!
I'm angry because I feel like before they didn't wanna know and now because we have "cute pups" they suddenly remember we are here.
What upsets me is when the pups grow they won't be bothered no more!
No but this is what happens when you are beholden to unreasonable people.
The only way to stop this is to find somewhere else you can afford to rent.
No they shouldnt behave like this. But they do.
It is foolish to expect reasonable behaviour from people who have consistantly shown themselves to beunreasonable.
They won't care about any boundaries you try to enforce while you are in what they see as their house.
Or you could try to use this to build a better relationship with them
I wouldnt but its an option. Might be an idea
"Obviously you wouldn't know as you don't usually come over, but we are busy on Tuesdays/wednesdays/everyday. Sorry it's not a good time. Lovely to see you, I thought you had forgotten where we lived! Byeeee!"
Your only option I can see is make a plan to move somewhere else. It sounds very suffocating.
Stormehale I love your response.
We are trying to find somewhere else but it's the cost we don't get this cheap £495 really and they have not updated it at all basically gave it to us with the 1970s units the old lady left in when she moved!
They never even put carpets in.
It is hard work but we were grateful for the house.
We tried to build better relations.
I would bake and take some over and stuff.
I just feel that the pups are a novelty to them and they like the attention they get when they are out with them.
But before I would hardly get a "hello"
It's annoying me
i don't get the 'barge in' bit, do you mean mil shoves her way through the door when you open it ??
this sounds a very unhappy situation all round, but you really need to set the boundaries regardless , you are probably right that the puppies are a novelty at the moment and that will probably wear off so things might calm down a bit, but i think you really do need to seriously start looking at somewhere else for your family to live in the long term.
mil sounds a pita, but then are a lot of those on here, what about fil ? bil is walking the dogs so that helps you out but moaning about the curtains ?? is that him talking or a thinly disguised mil ?
meant to ask what breed of puppies are they, wondering if they are a status type for bil to parade around with ? can't imagine toy poodles for some reason [i like all dogs] sorry if i x posted.
sorry, me again.... what is dh's take on the situation ?
How about saying you were just about to walk the pups and would he/they like to come too. Make them chat or squirm!
DH seems to partially get my point that I feel they use us!
For eg if something technical goes wrong they call DH I don't mind him helping them but with the pups they take the complete piss!
They are Alaskan malamutes.
I tried so hard to integrate into the family but I kept getting rejected.
Yes MIL has been known to barge in and just be a complete bitch!
FIL well he's just sly!
It ranges from giving the other grandkids money for holidays birthdays and Christmas to giving my DC zero!
This Christmas BIL gave DHs kids money and mine got zero!
Lock your front door and keep the key in.. Your house although their property does not give them the right to come and go as they please.
the puppies are a bit of a status thing then to him, we have a couple near us and they always get attention as they are gorgeous. bil is probably telling people their his .
dh sounds as if he needs to stop being availaible and man up to his family
I think you need to accept that you have put yourself into this position by choosing to rent from family members that you don't like.
You've said that you can't move somewhere else because you can't afford it, which is understandable, but that situation seems unlikely to change. You've now got two large, expensive pedigree dogs, so your monthly outgoings will now be even higher and will make renting elsewhere even less affordable - plus, a lot of landlords won't take tenants with one small dog, let alone two large ones, so you've made it a bit more difficult to get away.
So I think you're stuck in your current property for a while, and while you are living right opposite family members you don't like, you are always going to find it hard to avoid them, so all you can do is make the best of it.
I appreciate it's annoying that your niece and nephew are turning up unannounced with their mates, and I think you do need to be firm and say that it's not convenient when they do this and that you need a phone call first so you can tell them whether it is or isn't OK for them to come round. As you say, the novelty will probably wear off soon.
Regarding your BIL, does it really matter that he wants to take your dogs out? Malamutes need a good hour a day of exercise and lots of company, stimulation and stuff to do, so although I appreciate it's annoying that your in-laws are more interested in your dogs than you and your daughter, perhaps try to look on the bright side of it and see the advantages of having someone who likes to come round and play with them or take them out - at least for now.
How about - dogs need walking at 6pm if you are interested??
Before we moved in they seemed fine but since we got married they have turned horrible especially PIL! Iv been nothing but nice to them!
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