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Making Contact with NC Mum

(12 Posts)
TweedleDee3TweedleDum Wed 04-Jan-17 20:02:59

I have been no contact with my DM for a year now. Mainly due to her narcissistic personality and emotionally abusive behaviour.

She has continued to contact me sporadically throughout the year, and I cannot help to think what if I got in touch. Could we have a relationship where she respects me and my boundaries? Probably not.

Is it worth trying? Or is this if forever?

iknowimcoming Wed 04-Jan-17 20:09:42

What is it that makes think she'll have changed? I've been nc with mine for 5 maybe 6 years now (I forgetblush) and I have no regrets, she hasn't changed at all and has recently managed to convert one of my brothers to not speaking to me sad even after all these years!

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Wed 04-Jan-17 20:13:11

I guess I don't think she will have changed, but I continue to live in hope. The last time I spoke to her she was awful, incredibly abusive, however texts since then have been full of love you and miss. I have never responded.

I'm sorry about your DB. flowers for you, it's not easy.

Cupcakes2014 Wed 04-Jan-17 20:14:07

Tweedle I'm in exactly the same position as you. I feel the same too about what ifs and such but there's something stopping me from replying to her. I'm not sure what or why?

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Wed 04-Jan-17 20:17:28

flowers cupcake. It is very difficult at times.

I think I don't reply as going NC was a final straw. I have replied to these types of texts before and nothing changed. I think they make her feel better. I don't believe they are genuine.

That being said, I return to what I call default mode and begin to feel sorry for her and put her feelings before me. I am trying very hard not to do that again.

allowlsthinkalot Wed 04-Jan-17 23:21:57

Similar position here. Mine isn't a narcissist but does have some deep seated issues and is incapable of relating to me.

I think....that the reality of having her in my life would damage the confidence and sense of myself that I have established. She would never respect me or take my views seriously. She would never treat me as a human being with equal rights.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Tue 10-Jan-17 09:48:42

That makes sense to me, allow. I need to keep reminding myself of that. My mum too will never respect me as worthy of equal rights. She doesn't have it in her. flowers

PavlovianLunge Tue 10-Jan-17 10:22:30

...texts since then have been full of love you and miss...

As people here sometimes say, they're just words on a screen; has she said anything to show regret and even anaxknowledgement of her terrible behaviour?

I suspect she's just trying to draw you back in to her web, with no intention of changing.

lalalalyra Tue 10-Jan-17 10:25:05

Does she know that you don't want to speak to her? if so then don't repeated texts show that she still has no respect for you/your decisions?

toomuchtooold Tue 10-Jan-17 10:43:53

Tweedle it sounds like hoovering.

MrsAD86 Tue 10-Jan-17 10:50:23

I was NC with my mum for a year.
We eventually had a sit down and talked some stuff out, laid down some new boundaries and things have been better since then, she realised she couldn't step over my boundaries because I would just go NC again but things are much better now we know how to act with each other as adults.
You would need to be really firm with the boundaries if you want a relationship with her, don't back down.
Good Luck!

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Tue 10-Jan-17 19:06:55

Pav, no, she has never shown any understanding or remorse. I think you may be right; that she is trying to draw me back in.

Lala, yes, I was very clear. I sometimes think that she is showing she has no respect for me by not adhering to this boundary, but then wonder what I would be like, if god forbid, my DC ever went NC with me. I guess that's where the difference is though. I would genuinely be distraught. I don't believe she is.

Toomuch, wow, thank you. That is the first time I have come across the term, and it definitely rings true. Without doubt.

Mrs, I am glad you have had a positive outcome. I am doubtful, but continue to live in hope, that this will be the case for my relationship with my Mum, but I have tried to have these type of conversations with her before, and she is absolutely incapable of believing she has done any wrong.

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