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To ask your views on this? Came up on my Facebook

(35 Posts)
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Wed 04-Jan-17 19:20:43

This just came up on my newsfeed and wondered if I'm alone in thinking wrapping up in cotton wool doesn't necessarily make someone a victim?
I admit I am an over worrier with DS1 as he's very sensitive but also very caring and switched on for a 3 year old.
I dread to think if he was bullied.
My dm says I "mother" him too much but I love the bond we have.
Willing to hear both sides grin.

ScarletOverkill Wed 04-Jan-17 19:22:54

The message behind that picture being to teach them to hit back hmm

Tootsiepops Wed 04-Jan-17 19:23:24

I was taught that if someone hits you, you hit them back harder - but my dad was brought up in the roughest part of Glasgow where it was survival of the fittest.

I won't be teaching my daughter the same.

PlayOnWurtz Wed 04-Jan-17 19:24:56

I think people can be a bit wet these days and call bully too readily. I say that as someone who was bullied as a child.

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 04-Jan-17 19:25:42

Schools aren't going to take that well.

Trainspotting1984 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:25:55

I think you do have to help your children deal with bullies. Because bullies do need someone to stand up to them and that's tough. But that's what I take from the cheesy meme

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Wed 04-Jan-17 19:26:00

Scarlet I feel really stupid now I didn't even realise until I seen your post and re-looked. must have more sleep and check before posting blush

John4703 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:26:40

I'm posting for two reasons:
Firstly to mark this as I am really interested to see how it develops.
Secondly to say that I have a tiny bit of agreement with the idea expressed in the picture, I do think that some things today get called bullying and really are nothing. I feel that we all need to find the right balance and try to stamp out real bullying but to ignore things that don't matter. The real problem is knowing which is which.

madgingermunchkin Wed 04-Jan-17 19:28:53

I was bullied terribly as a child, but I do think that these days things are far to easily leapt on as being "bullying".

Life and people aren't always easy and we are producing children who are unable to stand on their own two feet or think for themselves.

Although I do agree that teaching kids just to hit back is wrong. Reacting in self defence when in danger is one thing, just hitting back isn't right.

Trainspotting1984 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:32:35

Is there anything really wrong with hitting BACK though? Even the law expects you to do that (as an adult)

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 04-Jan-17 19:33:05

As people have said; there's two meanings there -

That people moddycoddle their kids now - that's true, I think. Everyone says the days of 'benign neglect' weren't much better but there's a middle ground there. Kids do need to solve some of their own problems, to learn to navigate life.

That kids should hit back. That's crap. Nobody will say that teaching your kid to hit back is a good tactic - hitting back in self-defence is understandable, hitting back out of habit is not good.

DragonMamma Wed 04-Jan-17 19:34:03

I agree with it to an extent.

I want my DC to be able to deal with conflict themselves and not run to an adult every time something upsets them/doesn't go their way and they are also being a taught that sometimes, if somebody hits you, you hit them back twice as hard.

It was how I was brought up and I do think we are in danger of raising a nation of pandered-to, wet weekend types.

BToperator Wed 04-Jan-17 19:35:03

The law allows hitting in self defence, not hitting back in retaliation, so very much depends on the circumstances.

cherrycrumblecustard Wed 04-Jan-17 19:35:59

It's a horrible message. The message I want my children to have is that they stand up for themselves by telling me, their dad, or a teacher.

normastits5 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:36:43

I agree with you John , well put. I have also been a victim of some bullying at school and I wish that I had been supported in standing up for myself rather than being too scared to deal with it. Sensitive people are often eAsy targets but we remain targets unless we learn how to fight back ( metaphorically) and that remains through our lives

CockacidalManiac Wed 04-Jan-17 19:36:48

I don't tend to take advice from Facebook memes.

Trainspotting1984 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:36:48

The law even allows a preemptive strike if you yourself are in danger of being hit. Of course it doesn't moralise over retailiation but that's not really relevant

HermioneJeanGranger Wed 04-Jan-17 19:41:33

Where do you draw the line between self-defence and relatiation, though? Anyone who's hit can argue they felt threatened, surely?

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Wed 04-Jan-17 19:43:43

cockacid I'm not taking advice from facebook, it just made me think and wanted opinions from others and not start a debate on FB.

WankersHacksandThieves Wed 04-Jan-17 19:53:38

As a parent of a bullied child I actually don't disagree with the sentiment to hit back. I wouldn't have done before that and always taught my children not to hit. As a consequence even when he really needed to DS1 just wouldn't do it and so despite everyone's best efforts the bullying continued. My view is that if he's punched the main fucker right in face when it started then things probably would have turned out better. I'd happily run the shite over if I got the opportunity.

Trainspotting1984 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:55:52

Yes of course they can hermione. Let's face it, anyone who gets hit will feel threatened won't they?

OneWithTheForce Wed 04-Jan-17 19:57:12

I think children should always be encouraged to stand up for themselves but that hitting/violence should be the last option they use to do it.

Clarkly Wed 04-Jan-17 20:05:28

I agree with it in the main.

All of my DC have been taught not to throw the first punch but to make sure they've thrown the second.

DD was walking home from the shop (yr6) and some nasty cow from the secondary school started on her. Following her, pulling her bag off her back, grabbing her shoulder. This had followed a week of low level name calling. She poked DD in the face with her finger whilst shouting in her face, mates all crowded round laughing.

DD lumped her on the nose and put her arse on the ground.

None of them have looked at her twice again. Bonus points that the little cow landed in a puddle.

Teach your kids to throw a defensive punch. These two knuckles hurt them (main two), these two knuckles hurt you (two little knuckles). Fists up and swing for their nose. No point in hitting the cheek.

Emotional bullying, excluding, name calling, stealing doesn't warrant violence. If someone hits you, you bloody hit them back.

Figure17a Wed 04-Jan-17 20:05:55

I do wonder if we protect kids from harm too much. Whether that's physical pain, or just disappointment, so they're not learning resilience. I dont think teaching them to hit back is the answer but perhaps they could/should be left to sort their own issues more than they are.

Resilience is key to happiness imo and if dc are rescued constantly or never placed in harms way, how are they to learn it?

CloudPerson Wed 04-Jan-17 20:13:27

IME most bullying is dismissed as somehow deserved.
I'd rather see a quote that spells out that bullying is not acceptable at all instead of making it about "victims" being too soft and needing to toughen up.

Children cannot learn to be resilient if they're constantly having to deal with nastiness which isn't dealt with.
(Experience = my own school days, my dc's schools - 3 primaries, 2 secondaries. Have never seen bullying dealt with effectively, always half arsed)

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