OK expecting a flaming for this , and apologies it may be long !
Been with DH 6 years, married 4, I have 2 DS age 18 and 14 , DH has DSD 16,DH works full time min wage job, I work part time 25 hrs ( am disabled ). It's tough, there's 5 adults to feed and we haven't had a holiday in 5 years ( I haven't had my hair cut in a year) the only other money we receive is CHB for my boys, a tiny maintenance payment from their dad and a small PIP payment
When my DH split from his ex they agreed 50-50 shared care and that she could keep CHB and tax credits. He also agreed to pay 100 pounds a month maintenance as he adores his daughter and didn't want her to go without. On top of that he agreed to pay her school bus fares (15 pounds a week)as EXW said she couldn't afford it and would have to pull her out of her very good school otherwise.
6 years down the line and we are a lovely blended family-love the bones of my gorgeous DSD and so do my boys. As she is 16 she comes and goes as she pleases and now spends on average 4 nights per week with us (although is often more) and we love having her. The only problem is the financial side of things. DH still pays ex 100 pounds a month maintenance plus-
15 pounds per week bus fares
40 pound per month mobile phone contract
10 per month Netflix
40 pounds per year playstation subscription
ALL school trips
Pocket money for trips out friends birthday etc
ALL school uniform/shoes/pe kithe
All school books , exam guides, stationary etc
Clothes/toiletries/make up
All food /packed lunches the 4-5 days a week she is here.
We are desperately struggling.DH wife flatly refuses to pay for anything even though we have explained our situation .She even refused to buy her prom dress (I had to sell my ring to buy that for her).She earns more than the 2 of us together and there's only the 2 of them in the house. She refuses to even go halves and in hr words " I dont care if DD goes without, if you want her to have stuff , you pay for it"
The easy solution would be for her to live with us and us to claim CHB which would help , but everytime DSD mentions this to her EXW screams and wails and cries and makes her feel guilty. DSD is stressed to death with A levels and we don't want to make it worse. Ive had it out with DH and told him to stop the maintenance, but he says that's not fair as ex wife relies on the money. He said he will ask her to step-up , but we've done that in the past and she just refuses. I'm at my wits end worrying about money ( I don't know if my health condition will let me work much longer)but I really don't know what else to do, any advice guys ?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To ask DSD mother to step up and pay her way ?
60 replies
redannie118 · 04/01/2017 13:30
OP posts:
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