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To feel like running away because everything is going tits up?

(7 Posts)
GonnaRunAway Wed 04-Jan-17 13:26:57

I just feel like giving up and starting again. I qualified as a nurse just over a year ago. I've had two jobs since qualifying and hated them both. I've just handed my notice in on my 2nd job with the lure of agency work (better pay, less hours) but now I'm shitting myself that if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

I got married just under a year ago. Husband doesn't appear to fancy me anymore. Never wants to have sex (so it's always me instigating and recently, even then I get rejected as he says he's too tired/not feeling well etc etc).

My relationship with my mum is deteriorating. She's always unhappy and tends to just complain about everyone around her and if she sees someone doing well (like I appear to be on the outside) she hates it. When I call her she makes it obvious that she can't be arsed to talk tinned and I've recently found out she's been slagging me off to other family members (who also seem to be being off with me lately!).

I don't know what I've done to everyone but I'm feeling like I'm not really wanted anymore.

I keep thinking about taking my degree and running off to Australia.

I've craving affection, communication, intimacy, fun - is this a midlife crisis or what? Now I'm going to be unemployed come the end of Jan. It's almost funny.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 04-Jan-17 15:13:23

Then do just that.
Take your degree and go to Australia.
You've nothing keeping you here from what you say.

Have you spoken to your DH about his lack of interest in you?
Can you check his internet history?
Is he watching a lot of porn and wanking so he doesn't have the desire with you anymore?
Is he always on his phone? ipad?
Do you know his passwords?

ofudginghell Wed 04-Jan-17 15:23:02

After an awful time last year consisting of family feuds a beloved family pet passing away suddenly and a rough time marriage wise resulting in dh leaving home for a couple of months I just wanted to pack up and disappear confused

I ploughed through the hard crap times with I don't know what strength and came out the other side.
The main thing that got me through and is still and always will be my mantra is to think about removing the negative toxic things or people that don't enhance your life.
Simple although it doesn't feel like it at the time.
I no longer put myself out to do positive things for others if they are going to make me feel crap and be negative and I no longer put up and shut up.
I face situations calmly but directly if need be to deal with things and then I walk away.
Honestly it's a feeling of relief that I'm not allowing things to pull me down and be negative.

Ask your mum outright if there's a problem. Not in a negative way but maybe drop it into conversation next time you speak on the phone.
Hey mum just checking everything's ok as you seem abit off with me. Have I done something to offend you?
If she squirms and says no it's end of and there's no excuse for her to be off with you or shel say what the problem may be and it can be resolved. Simple. By not confronting the issue is allowing her to behave in that way towards you.

Have you asked your husband outright what the problem is at home?
I would just directly say your unhappy with the state of play and ask what's bothering him,not if something's bothering him.
That way if he says nothing then he may well think about it.
It's communication. If I'm unhappy about something now I calmly say it in a positive way.

Easier said than done sometimes I know but now I've got used to facing people and saying how I feel I find it easier.

GonnaRunAway Wed 04-Jan-17 18:17:31

I've spoken to DH and he says there isn't a problem. He just outright refuses to discuss it. The other day I said "can we make a bit of time for each other at some point? It's been a while ... " and he just said "ooo!" And ignored me!! When I told him I was being serious he said he can't help bring tired/ill etc but he's not ill!! He's had the same cold that everyone else has had only his seems to be lasting a lifetime. When it's not that, he's "tired" yet will refuse to come to bed before midnight as he's "not tired enough" to go to bed. It just makes no sense.

My mum is a narcissist so bringing anything up with her is out of the question, it will just blow up into world war 3

WriterNeedsHelp2017 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:21:04

In your position I wouldn't hesitate. Why flog a dead horse (your husband) and why not accept that your mum is toxic and a bit of distance would really help?

You're newly qualified - do you have the money to run off into the sunset?

mrsmalcolmreynolds Wed 04-Jan-17 18:48:48

I am seriously hmm at the comments here saying up and leave your DH because he is not interested in sex at the moment without so much as a second thought! I am usually very sceptical of responses on MN that say "the answers would be totally different if OP was a man" but this is definitely one of them!

WriterNeedsHelp2017 Wed 04-Jan-17 20:09:42

She has no children, mrsmalcolmreynolds. Her husband's showing no affection and doesn't seem to fancy her any more. He rejects her.

She's at a turning point in her life, where she could get another job, stay and try to make the most of a bad job, or she could cut her losses and go.

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