Been through the wringer a bit lately, whilst trying to find somewhere new to live and breakdown of relationship.
I'm rebuilding my life, I've recently found somewhere new to live, with my low income I'd need Housing benefit- no one accepts Housing benefit, so ex has been helpful enough to say that he will sign the rental agreement with me and pay half the rent instead of maintenance towards DD. (More than he would be expected to pay, but I think it's partly guilt that I ended up without anywhere to live because he fucked up so badly when we were together)
Which I think is very fair of him. It's £500 a month he will be paying.
he is living with his parents, and hopefully getting a grip of his financial situation- he really needs to. If he can sort out the things he needs to, and accepts to be more financially responsible, and go to relationship counselling with me, we may be able to avoid getting divorced. (I've given him 3 months from signing the separation agreement I've written up to deal with creditors+ OR of his bankruptcy which he's in the second year of now! Plus paying all his (meagre) living expenses + maintenance to deal with, and keep up with the payments on)
Must also point out, he's not hard up. His income has dropped, but is still £2800 take home per month.
Now I've set the scene, I'll get to my question,
For contact I'm going to propose that he can see DD for two evenings per week, which he can choose.
1 of which, I would like him to ensure she gets to see his parents. She is close to MIL, and without me specifying this he may not ensure they have a continuing relationship.
2nd night he can do as he chooses, but if he wants to, he can come to the house and cook for himself and DD, I will either go to my room or go out. I don't want to get in the way, but I'm also aware that he wouldn't be able to make meals at his mums because she's the one who cooks in their house and would feel a bit upset if they were eating but not with his parents if that makes sense.
At the weekends, pretty much the same drill. One day plus the night. He can stay if he wishes. I would like 24 hours notice if he plans on staying here so I can go and stay at my dads or something.
I don't want to cause the friction that will happen if he tries to parent differently under his parents roof. Their relationship is already strained. The debts, the gambling, and now he's home because his marriage has broken down, have all made them disappointed in him.
I've also offered to almost share my car with him, he drives a 20 year old, damp and smelly Honda, I worry about the safety of it and don't want my daughter travelling in it. So when he has contact, he is also able to use my car.
Am I being reasonable? I feel like I'm being really controlling. I hope not, because I'm just trying to make things easiest for him, and best for DD.
AIBU?!
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AIBU?
What's fair for contact arrangements?!
66 replies
hungryhippo90 · 04/01/2017 11:05
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