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For not objecting to DS and his girlfriend sleeping in the same room?

(78 Posts)
catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 07:33:23

DS is 22. His girlfriend is 24. DS lives in another city and he’s been with his girlfriend for over a year. They live together. We haven’t met her yet, and at the weekend they are both coming round and will be staying with us. I can't wait too meet her - DS is so happy and in love. DH told my MIL that they’ll be coming round, and she proceeded to invite herself over for the weekend so that she “can check up on the girl.”

MIL is insistent that DS and his girlfriend sleep in separate rooms. That the girlfriend should take DS’ old room and that he sleep on the couch in the living room. I told her attempting enforce some form of Stalinist chastity upon them is futile. They are a couple in their early 20s – a couple that lives together. Of course they are having sex. MIL said that they are not married and that having them sharing a bed is a sin. I said they are both adults, not teenagers. I said it’s silly to have DS sleep on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed IN HIS OLD BLOODY ROOM. We argued over it, and in the end I told her that it was my son, my house. I wish DH hadn’t mentioned DS and his girlfriend coming over to his mother. It’s going to be a long weekend. I feel for the girlfriend. MIL is going to interrogate her like she’s a suspect in a murder investigation. Going to need lots of wine.

Champagneformyrealfriends Wed 04-Jan-17 07:36:21

Yanbu. Does MIL own your house? Tell her it's not upto her.

rollonthesummer Wed 04-Jan-17 07:37:17

I'd tell your mother in law that you don't want extra visitors there the first time you meet your sons girlfriend so she can come another time. She can't invite herself to stay. Your house -your rules about who sleeps where!

AreWeThereYet000 Wed 04-Jan-17 07:37:25

Just tell your MIL she isn't welcome to stay, take DS and his GF out for a meal on invite MIL to that so she can meet her, at least that will only be a few hours and GF can then relax at your house and you can really get to know her without the stress of MIL been under the same roof

ivykaty44 Wed 04-Jan-17 07:37:29

I think you need to make light of the situation in front of MIL

As you introduce the mil to DS girlfriend, say

Oh mil is here to interface you, we all had to go through he Gestapo ways

And of course she has morals if a saint nine of us can live up to - don't you mil.

Make sure you let the girlfriend know it's all a bit much.

Champagneformyrealfriends Wed 04-Jan-17 07:38:11

And tell her if she's going to give this girl a hard time then she can leave too!

OvariesForgotHerPassword Wed 04-Jan-17 07:40:45

They are adults.

MIL needs to get a fucking grip.

HungryHorace Wed 04-Jan-17 07:40:55

Just tell your MiL that she isn't welcome to stay that weekend; she can't force you to let her stay.

And agree with warning the girlfriend about her. She'll know you're not 'in on it' then!

Sugarlightly Wed 04-Jan-17 07:43:34

Don't do what ivy says - please! That would be so uncomfortable for someone going in and meeting MIL for the first time.

I would say ask MIL not to stay round.

throwingpebbles Wed 04-Jan-17 07:43:37

YANBU. plus tbh (as I never dared say to my mum) there are plenty of places and times to have sex other than a bedroom at night time; sharing a bedroom is as much about being able to chat, to cuddle etc

TheNaze73 Wed 04-Jan-17 07:47:18

MIL is being a twat

catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 07:47:26

Arewethereyet

Yes I have been thinking of doing this. Having MIL meet DS' girlfriend over dinner instead of her staying the entire weekend.

ivykaty

Well, I texted DS' girlfriend and told her the kind of woman MIL is. She laughed and said "she looks forward to the challenge." DS also knows what his grandmother can be like and warned her beforehand. The girlfriend doesn't seem concerned.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 04-Jan-17 07:48:07

Come now, your mother in law's views can't be a surprise to you or your husband.

It's up to you, or preferably him, to tell MiL she isn't welcome to stay this weekend. You are presumably both adults and this is your home?

rollonthesummer Wed 04-Jan-17 07:48:22

If everyone knows what your mil is like, why on earth did your DH agree?

OhTheRoses Wed 04-Jan-17 07:51:55

If your son would have to sleep on the sofa, where would MIL sleep?

You just need to tell your MIL she can't come that weekend because you have other visitors.

catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 07:52:02

rollonthesummer

I asked DH the same thing - why he bothered mentioning it to her. He said "it just slipped out." Last night I did tell him to undo the mess he made. He said he would tell MIL to just meet us over meal, but not stay the weekend.

JanuaryMoods Wed 04-Jan-17 07:52:18

Uninvite MiL.

CakesRUs Wed 04-Jan-17 07:53:16

It's a bit draconian - they are adults who live together and it is 2017, yanbu.

CaoNiMa Wed 04-Jan-17 07:59:17

MIL's behaviour needs challenging, IMHO. It's no good brushing it off with "oh, she's like that."

Sit her down and tell her that times and attitudes have changed. She is not the gatekeeper of your son's business, so she has no right to "interrogate" his new girlfriend as if it were the 1950s.

catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 08:03:15

Cao Oh she's been challenged before. It's far from the first time I and she have butted heads.

Roses We have a 3 bedroom house. The third room is a guestroom.

cdtaylornats Wed 04-Jan-17 08:06:54

Just to totally freak out your MIL any chance of getting your son's partner to dress up as a man, Muslim, Hassidic Jew, Salvation Army, Sikh or Vicar for the meal?

Not that there would be anything wrong with any of those options just that I suspect you MIL may be slightly at odds with anything outside her idea of perfection.

shovetheholly Wed 04-Jan-17 08:06:59

Your MIL is being unreasonable. Given that you say she has form for being difficult, I would be giving her all the rope in the world with which to hang herself. Invite her for the full time, let her behave really, really badly, wiht the proviso that you are ready to back up your DS's gf if need be. Hopefully the presence of a new person in the family unit will lead your DH to see his mother's behaviour as the problem it is, and to start enforcing some boundaries.

Parker231 Wed 04-Jan-17 08:11:58

Your DS lives with his girlfriend and they have been together a year but you haven't met her ? Has your DS not visited in a year or you been to see him?

catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 08:12:34

shovetheholly

What annoys me is that I and MIL have clashed before. And a lot of the times DH adopts the Switzerland stance - absolute neutrality. Pretends he can't hear or see what's going on.

catstolemyhead Wed 04-Jan-17 08:14:45

Parker

He hasn't visited in a year. He wasn't even available for Christmas because his job his very demanding and he works overtime a lot.

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