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To tell my work colleague I really do not fancy him

(64 Posts)
user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:09:21

Whenever I see him he looks terrified and mentions his girlfriend in every sentence. 'I'm just picking up some food for tea with my GIRLFRIEND tonight'.

He likes to tell me how hot he finds other women when he's with me 'Sandra from I.T is SO hot'.

If I call him into my office for something he pretends he's not heard me so he isn't alone with me. He's obviously worried I will pounce on him or declare my love.

Next time he informs me he's forgotten my name, a meeting we have, a social event together. Would it be okay for me to mention the fact that I am a lesbian and do not have any sexual attraction to him.

It's getting ridiculous now.

BillSykesDog Tue 03-Jan-17 22:11:20

I would actually say that is sexual discrimination.

user1471539048 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:12:42

This sounds familiar. Have you posted about this before?

VladmirsPoutine Tue 03-Jan-17 22:12:51

Are you sure he doesn't have social anxiety? That can cause people to behave in all sorts of awkward ways.

HecateAntaia Tue 03-Jan-17 22:13:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:13:22

He's a nice enough guy to be honest. We were friendly when he first arrived. He's obviously taken my friendliness as something much more as now he seems rather scared of me.

I don't discuss much of my private life at work so he's no idea I'm a lesbian.

It's kind of getting ridiculous now though. He's going to great extremes to show me he's not interested in me. Which is just odd as I've never even come on to him.

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:14:42

No social anxiety. He's the most sociable and flirty guy going.

It's only me he's like this with (as far as I can see).

I'm 99.9% sure it's because he thinks I harbour secret feelings for him 😂

I could be wrong of course.

helloheather Tue 03-Jan-17 22:17:01

Is there a way of finding out if it's just you he does this with? It could just be his first girlfriend so he wants to drop her into everything!!

I don't feel you should have to declare your sexuality just to appease someone else's behaviour, but if it's starting to get in the way of work then I think the only way to deal with it is a formal sit down where you explain his behaviour is unacceptable (not coming into your office when asked) and ask him outright if there's an issue!

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:18:46

Actually this week they split up. Nope they were together over 5 years.

BillSykesDog Tue 03-Jan-17 22:18:46

I think someone's probably on the wind up with him and a tactful word might be in order.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 03-Jan-17 22:18:53

He's not the guy who called you a slut was he? or was that another poster?

MouldyPeach Tue 03-Jan-17 22:21:53

I'd be tempted to play the long game and let him find out on his own, assuming there is anyone to find out from at work.

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:22:56

Hes never insulted me.

MiaHayek Tue 03-Jan-17 22:25:39

You could just mention your 'partner' or your 'other half' when he next brings up his girlfriend.

SarcasmMode Tue 03-Jan-17 22:27:02

Have you posted about this before? Sounds familiar.

Yes tell him. Also tell him vanity isn't sexy. Why the hell would a man think you being nice to him means you fancy him? Big ego much?

Unless his girlfriend doesn't like him speaking to other women and he gets nervous.

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:27:11

He won't mention her again as they're split but I might do that. Good idea.

Hassled Tue 03-Jan-17 22:27:53

I'd be tempted to spin this out for as long as possible, just for the entertainment value. You could really scare the wits out of him should you put your mind to it. But then I'm not you, having to work like this. I think you're going to have to mention your "partner" (if you don't want to come out) at least once.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jan-17 22:28:52

This sounds familiar. Have you posted about this before?

Yes! I remember this exact same thread too.

I don't remember the lesbian bit though?

CheeseFiend36 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:31:02

Tali / Sarcasm - you're thinking about the girl who posted about a month ago saying that she was getting secluded by a guy at work who would ask everybody else if they wanted to go out for lunch / social events but not her or would be weird with her ; some posters suggested that he may have thought she fancied him and was going OTT to show her he wasn't interested

AyeAmarok Tue 03-Jan-17 22:31:07

Uh oh, maybe he dumped his girlfriend because he thought you and he were going to get together.


WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jan-17 22:35:28

Cheese the thread I'm thinking about was well over 6 months ago.

Tbh OP, perhaps without realising it, you just 'creep him out' a little bit? I don't mean that in an insulting way either.

But a guy I worked with years ago, had the same effect on me. I just felt really uncomfortable around him.

It wasn't even anything he said. Just his whole mannerisms and the way he looked at me, made me feel very uncomfortable.

user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:36:12

Someone said he knows I'm a lesbian. If he does I would be completely stumped by his behaviour.

There's a few women who are very flirty with him, telling him he's hot and generally feeding his ego. He's happy to be alone with them when they clearly fancy him but not me who doesn't and hasn't shown I do.

Maybe I'm just scary!

Fontella Tue 03-Jan-17 22:36:21

I had this situation with someone who I meet through work also. Not very often but maybe a few times a year.

Because of something I once asked him, which he took completely the wrong way, he is convinced I fancy him I'm sure. Luckily I don't have contact with him regularly but every time our paths cross I am constantly aware of it. I don't fancy him in the slightest, never have. He's a nice enough bloke and I'm always friendly but no way he is my type.

But he clearly thinks I do by the way he behaves. He lost his (youngish) wife to cancer a few years back and it was terribly sad, so I did what we all would do, offered my condolenses, gave him a hug etc. and on one occasion, a few months after he lost his wife, I had a couple of tickets for a concert and got a call from my friend who was supposed to be coming with me to say she'd got an emergency and wasn't going to be able to make it. As I was stood there talking to him at the time on the spur of the moment I asked him if he would like the ticket. OMG he nearly shat himself and came up with the most feeble of excuses and the whole conversation was so bloody embarrassing. It was like I'd tried to snare him! And as he was bumbling and mumbling his excuses, I wanted to say 'FFS, I wouldn't fancy you in a million years, but obviously didn't, cos I'm nice like that!'

When he got his new girlfriend, he made a point of telling me and I was like 'good for you' and meant it. I was genuinely pleased for him, but I still went away feeling that he had only told me to 'let me down gently'.


user1483474832 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:38:31

Yeah I might creep him out. Never had anyone creeped out by me before but you never know.

im quite authoritative I guess.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jan-17 22:39:21

He's obviously taken my friendliness as something much more as now he seems rather scared of me.

That's every reason not to make him feel even more uncomfortable by saying anything

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