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Looking at other women

(14 Posts)
mischadee Tue 03-Jan-17 17:46:27

Long story sorry
When I was pregnant we didn't live together he was still at his parents and he would lie to me constantly about watching porn, looking at pictures of his exes and talking to people.
When we moved in together he promised he wouldn't look at anything again because of how bad it made me feel.
Im not in a great place with my body atm I have a 13 month old baby and trying to lose weight again.
Everyday he's at home he sits next to me on the couch and is flicking through his phone he tells me that he's looking at sites for buying things for me or baby, but i got curious and looked when he put his phone down and all i saw was women in bikinis and underwear.
Now he's saying he wont talk to me about it he's going to delete it but saying I should have deleted it and turning it round on me again (like every argument)
I don't know if I'm being unfair by being upset but I thought if he had promised me that he wouldn't look at anything like that then he shouldn't.

Tinkerbec Tue 03-Jan-17 18:30:03

I think it is fsir you are upset. I would be too. Especially so braxen in the same room as you.
The dishonesty is probably hurting you more than the looking. You need tonspeak to him and if he tries to belittle your feelings. Then maybe it is time to reassess being with him. How is he otherwise?
Hugs it is so hard to feel good after having a baby and things like that don't help at all.

mischadee Tue 03-Jan-17 18:48:16

I'm sick of being lied to and it's always stupid little things with daft excuses or no explanation just "I don't know but I'm done talking about it now"
Basically he's like a big kid that expects me to run round after him 24/7, stubborn, Moody, sits sulking for hours and if anything happens it's my fault... I could have done something about it.
It's hard because he's trying to get help for some of his problems but i don't think i need him taking it out on me :/

Tinkerbec Tue 03-Jan-17 19:13:45

You definitely do not need it taking out on you.
Does he help with the baby at all? As you certainly do not want two children to look after.

ilovesooty Tue 03-Jan-17 19:16:08

What sort of help is he trying to get?

mischadee Tue 03-Jan-17 19:26:25

He helps sometimes but he doesn't seem to have the patience for her .. and then hell say like that she hadn't screamed for him so why does she shout at me.
He's trying get help with his short fuse and stuff like that

ladylambkin Tue 03-Jan-17 19:32:25

It doesn't sound like a very nice relationship.

Have you considered counselling about your low self esteem? It's not really normally to be telling someone what they can and can't look at on their phone

Qwertie Tue 03-Jan-17 19:39:49

You can't do anything to control his behaviour, but you can decide what is acceptable to you in a partner. It's the dishonesty that is a problem. If you say I don't want you to look at porn & he says that he wants to use porn sometimes and cannot agree not to, if you decide you can live with that, it's fine. If he lies and says he's not going to do something he has every intention of carrying on with it is not acceptable.
You need to have a conversation with him to talk about where your boundaries are and talk about what you expect from the relationship, but it doesn't seem good. What are you gaining from being with him?

ilovesooty Tue 03-Jan-17 19:39:57

I'm struggling to see what positives he brings to the relationship from the way you describe him.

MrsDoylesTeabags Tue 03-Jan-17 19:43:01

How old is he?
Were you together long before the baby arrived?
He sounds very immature and possibly not ready for the responsibility of parenthood and partnership.

mischadee Tue 03-Jan-17 19:43:27

I guess it's easier to stay than to admit defeat .. i don't want to give up

mischadee Tue 03-Jan-17 19:47:38

He's 23 I got pregnant not 2 months into the relationship shes a pill baby but I would have thought he'd have grown up

Qwertie Tue 03-Jan-17 19:47:45

It sounds like you need to find some new ways of valuing yourself too. A new job or training in an area you really love and feeling proud of the job you are doing in parenting. You will make yourself miserable if you place all of your self worth on being a desirable girlfriend; there will always be someone else more attractive/sexier/cooler/more accommodating than you (even if you're Angelina Jolie). Make yourself happy.

MrsDoylesTeabags Tue 03-Jan-17 19:52:09

What Qwerty Said.
I'm really sorry but he seems to still be quite boyish and infuriating thing boys do is to say want you want to hear to keep the peace. They think they're doing the right thing but don't realise that it's really very hurtful.
I don't think this relationship will last the distance, look after yourself.

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