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To go cold turkey and instantly stop giving my 20mo DS his dummy?

(61 Posts)
Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 17:41:50

Please could I ask for your thoughts and advice? We know we have overused the dummy with our boy. Not something I ever thought I'd do but then I didn't know what 'high needs' was until I met him, I certainly do now! After being very screamy for six months (reflux related) he improved slightly but remained very whingey and fussy. The dummy has brought him lots of comfort. We only use it for sleeping and if he is very upset but he really loves it and twists it in his mouth while sucking in enjoyment.

However, DH and I watched an episode of Supernanny last night where a 4 year old boy's teeth had grown in an arch around the dummy and he also had a resultant lisp. We were horrified at his poor teeth having grown like this and now I feel that I don't even want him to have it for sleep in case it changes the development of his face, voice and teeth. I'm considering never giving it to him again but I can't decide if that makes me a really mean mummy or if that's the right thing to do for him? If anyone has any words of wisdom I'd be grateful! Thank you x

harderandharder2breathe Tue 03-Jan-17 17:46:45

Dummies (and thumb or finger sucking) are bad for tooth development

But having a dummy til 4 like the boy on the program is going to cause more damage than having one as a toddler.

Don't panic. Dummies continue to be popular because they provide comfort to babies. Parents use them because the benefits outweigh the negatives

I would start to wean him off the dummy, but don't stress too much about it

Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 17:49:17

Thank you harder. I just can't get the image of that poor boys arched teeth out of my head. I think I'm going to try a night without it, but anticipating it may be a difficult ride x

noeffingidea Tue 03-Jan-17 17:51:43

I wouldn't take it away from him. All 3 of my kids had dummies (the orthodontic ones), often during the day as well as night, and all 3 had perfect teeth.
I have heard they can push the front teeth out slightly, though not as much as thumb sucking but I've never heard of anything as extreme as that (and all the mums I know use dummies if the babies like them).

Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 17:52:38

Thanks noeffing. How old were they when you stopped them?

Palace2 Tue 03-Jan-17 17:54:27

Cold turkey worked for me. Didn't take long before they'd forgotten all about it.
My DS used to make Dn's put there's under the pillow when they got up. If they appeared with the dummy she would ask if they were going to bed. The answer was usually no! "Let's put it back under the pillow then" it worked for her, and made weaning it off them a lot easier

I would wean him off gradually - start by making it dummies in bed only (with an exception for major trauma/emergencies), and then start talking to him about either the dummy fairy, or using his dummies to buy a new toy.

The dummy fairy takes away all the dummies (you leave them out one night) and gives them to little babies who have no dummies, and leaves behind a present for the generous child who,has given away their dummies.

With each of our boys, when the time came for them to give up dummies completely, we took them to a toy shop, had a quiet word with the shop assistant, and used the dummies to buy a new toy (and then paid when the boy wasn't looking). To be honest, I would do the dummy fairy, as that is easier to organise.

Passmethecrisps Tue 03-Jan-17 17:58:20

My dd was a fanatical dummy user and we made many attempts to stop her using it but gave in due to her upset.

At almost 3 the dentist pointed out the arch in her teeth and told us that it needed to go but it wasn't desperately urgent.

At 3.5 she declared herself ready and we commenced operation dummy fairy. It still took a while and to be quite honest bedtimes have never quite recovered.

She still has a slightly visible arch although it has repaired a bit. She has a slight lisp as well.

I am expecting dc2 and would have no hesitation in using a dummy again. Dd was a reflux baby and it gave her enormous comfort. I would, however, be much firmer about it being for bedtime use only. It crept into daytime use after a period of ill health followed by teething followed by more ill health so was all the time before I really noticed.

You could try cold turkey or start gradually weaning him off it. Depends how brave you are I suppose

PeggyMitchell123 Tue 03-Jan-17 17:58:39

I did cold turkey with my son when he was around 19/20 months. He got upset for the first night and then a couple of days later he was fine. I know some people wait til your child is old enough to understand and to do a dummy fairy or whatever but I personally think that's too old.

Oh, and ours were between 2 and 2.5 when they gave up dummies.

talksensetome Tue 03-Jan-17 18:00:34

I did that with DS when he was 17 months.

He had a dentist appointment and the dentist berated me for letting him have a bottle. He had never had a bottle in his life so the dentist said to throw the dummy.

I put them all in the bin and my until then dummy obsessed boy breezed through. I was gob smacked at how easy it had been. I literally worked myself up into angst about it and DS just wasn't bothered!

cheekyfunkymonkey Tue 03-Jan-17 18:05:50

Cold turkey worked well for us, our were both just over 1 (before they could ask for it back!). They were able to self settle and I didn't want it to become a thing. Don't get me wrong they are marvelous inventions and I would recommend them to any new mum. My two forgot about them really quickly.

Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 18:08:17

Thanks palace. We considered a game, like giving to dummy fairy, but he's so young his understanding is quite limited. I always thought I'd wait another 6 months or so, when his understanding is better and we can make it a game like that. But I can't bring myself up give the dummy again now. I may well fold by the time he's given me a headache! X

Ilovecaindingle Tue 03-Jan-17 18:09:38

My oldest dd had hers til she was 7 just for bed. Perfect teeth!!
All my kids (11) had one.
7 kids aged 12 and over - all perfect teeth - no braces or speech issues. All gave dummy up the xmas they were around 3yo - hung on the tree for Santa!!

HelenaGWells Tue 03-Jan-17 18:14:58

I did cold turkey when DD was just shy of 2 because she started biting the teats and it wasn't safe. She was horrible for a day, slightly less horrible for another 2 days then fine.

We didn't do dummy fairy or anything just told her she was a big girl now and didn't need it anymore. Youngest never had a dummy at all.

Jackiebrambles Tue 03-Jan-17 18:17:47

I really wouldn't panic. My boy gave up his dummy at just over 3. His teeth are perfect. It was also really easy, and didn't affect his sleep at all.

Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 18:18:26

Thank you all. I'm preparing myself that he may be awful for a few days, he has an iron will! But if I stick to it we will come out the other side (I hope). I'm grateful to dummies immensely, they have saved my sanity. But I think it is time to get rid now. Lord give me strength! X

fiorentina Tue 03-Jan-17 18:26:51

We went cold turkey but had warned them beforehand and talked it through, my DD definitely understood. We said she was a big girl and gave her a duvet instead of a grobag and she was most happy..

SpunBodgeSquarepants Tue 03-Jan-17 18:30:35

OP don't panic!! I decided to ditch the dummies when my DS was 2.5, I just removed them all one nap time. He moaned for about half an hour before eventually going to sleep, and that night he just went straight to sleep, as if he'd never had a funny at all!

I hadn't even realised how bad his teeth had got till I was going through photos a couple of months ago. But there are only 6 months between the top picture and the bottom, so thankfully his teeth were quick to correct themselves!

Bubspub Tue 03-Jan-17 18:38:10

Thank you spun, that's a big improvement, what lovely teeth he has now. To be honest, I think whether we do it now or six months down the line, he won't like it. And it's lovely to hear stories of toddlers who 'took it on
the chin' and were easy going about it. My boy has never been easy going about anything but he may surprise me yet! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm making a bigger deal out of it than he will! X

CarlitosWay Tue 03-Jan-17 18:44:58

Cold turkey worked brilliantly for us. I also used the cold turkey method for finishing breast feeding and otters at bedtime. I was always amazed how quickly they got over one thing that had seemed so important to them.

Passmethecrisps Tue 03-Jan-17 19:08:49

My Dd's teeth have fixed much like spuns ds.

My dentist recommended having another child to aid with the weaning process. . . Went with a giant teddy bear and a certificate from a fairy instead.

Soubriquet Tue 03-Jan-17 19:12:28

Wean him off it

We went cold turkey with Dd when she was just under 3. It was awful. Her behaviour completely changed. She kept crying, was very sensitive and anxious. After 2 weeks we gave it back because she was absolutely miserable.

After a week we restricted it to bed time use only. After two weeks we took it away again and this time we never looked back. She's nearly 4 now and never asks for it anymore

Rory786 Tue 03-Jan-17 20:07:32

We have just started cold turkey on the dummy. We came back from 2 weeks abroad and dd had her dummy constantly. its in every photo. Back at home she only had it for the night but she wanted it all the time on hols.

As soon as we landed I said thats it, and dh was dreading it. DD's nickname is gooseberry (prickly and tart!) it was....fine. She is sleeping without it and I'm hopeful she will start talking soon too. DD is 20 months too.
Best thing we ever did. If she was talking she would be constantly asking for it.

Basicbrown Tue 03-Jan-17 20:15:50

Both of mine just started chucking them. Dd1 was 17 months and dd2 11 months. I was obviously lucky but sometimes I think seize the moment.

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