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To be upset and cross

(8 Posts)
Iamthecatsmother Tue 03-Jan-17 16:31:48

I've posted this in SN but am also posting here for traffic.

My DS is 12. He has HFA and he's in MS school with a statement. He's in year 7 having started secondary school last September. The school is small and had a good reputation for SEN. We had quite a few issues with school, fair bit of bullying and I've told school every time. His keyworker told me to back off. I've seen the SENCO twice, he assured me things would get done, nothing happened.

There's a boy DS doesn't get in with. I don't think it's physical, but teasing. For example this boy tried to video DS, making him look stupid then post it online. DS is anxious anyway but his anxiety is worse. He's self harming - splitting his lip, biting his arms. I've taken to the GP. They diagnosed severe anxiety but couldn't do much else. Over the Christmas holiday, DS said he was going to ignore this boy and make a fresh start.

Today, first day back, just after lunch, school phoned. DS had a head injury. So I went to collect him. DS said this boy was following him, taking the mickey out of him because ds is friends with a girl (for some reason this attracts attention) anyway DS was trying to get away and he fell over. He has a cut face, swollen lip and black eye. His uniform was covered in mud. He was very distressed.

So I'm going in tomorrow to see the Head. Trouble is I know they will say it's all DS's imagination. But it's not, this type of thing has happened before with DS st a previous school, - school said it was in DS's head, turned out it wasn't!! I'm so sick of my DS being blamed because of ASD. I don't want to look like an overly anxious parent but I'm tired of being fobbed off.

bumsexatthebingo Tue 03-Jan-17 16:41:01

I would ask for their anti bullying policy and make your complaint official. Stick to the facts - what has happened, evidence you have. The effects on your sons mh etc. The poor provision for kids with Asd in mainstream schools makes me so angry! Absolutely do not back off. I'm sure the school would prefer for you to make life easier for them but you need to fight for your son. Good luck!

DeeNR Tue 03-Jan-17 18:15:46

How awful for you and your son. What was his version of events?

DeeNR Tue 03-Jan-17 18:19:32

Sorry. Can see that was his version of events. I hope the other kids will step in if it goes any further.

Iamthecatsmother Tue 03-Jan-17 18:20:45

He said he was trying to get away. I don't doubter. But school are saying the other boy wasn't doing anything but he was, he was following DS to take the piss out of him sad

BIgBagofJelly Tue 03-Jan-17 18:21:08

I would post in the SN section as there are some very well informed people there. I believe there are charities that can act as advocates for parents with children with SN, attending meetings etc and making sure the school doesn't abdicate their responsibilities to the child.

BIgBagofJelly Tue 03-Jan-17 18:21:55

I don't understand why the school claim to know what was happening. Why are they accepting the word of this other boy and ignoring your DS's account?

SnatchedPencil Tue 03-Jan-17 18:30:21

That sounds like pretty standard school life for countless pupils up and down the country. Mocked, verbally abused, made to feel like they are the ones in the wrong. Bulling, I think they call it. Speak to the school and don't let them fob you off because of your son's special needs.

Be aware though that there won't be a great deal they can do. Like I say, this sort of bullying is an everyday reality for tens of thousands of pupils. The bullies are clever and know how to play innocent. Short of excluding a huge number of bullies on the word of their alleged victims schools don't have many options other than waiting for concrete proof. (By using the word "alleged" I am not disputing your version of events. I just mean that until there is proof, it is just one person's word against another's. If this were accepted as sufficient, the bullies themselves would use this as a tactic to harass their victims further.)

If you continue to kick up a fuss they will either dismiss your complaints even though they are valid, or maybe actually admit they have a bullying problem. Ask to see their bullying policy and demand to know what kinds of evidence are required for them to act.

Could your son discreetly carry a microphone or even video camera? Something like this sewn into his breast pocket perhaps. It may seem inappropriate to take this into school but if the school refuse to act without physical proof, what option do you have other than to take reasonable steps to obtain such proof? Battery life might be an issue but he could just activate it on breaks. Make sure that he hands the memory card over to you each day and you delete the video when it doesn't contain any relevant evidence.

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