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AIBU?

To expect DH not to stare at attractive women in front of me?

25 replies

Thomasina76 · 03/01/2017 16:06

Whenever we are out and an attractive woman appears, DH cannot help but have a good look. Not just one look to check her out but several long looks. I find it really upsetting to the point I have to say something when he of course denies everything. I know men look but just find it really obvious and disrespectful. AIBU?

OP posts:

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DJBaggySmalls · 03/01/2017 16:09

Urggh, no, YANBU. That stinks.
They wont always appreciate it either.

00100001 · 03/01/2017 16:09

Start gawking at attractive men and see what he does/says.

He should be respecting your feelings though, he shouldn't be dismissive.

Wellitwouldbenice · 03/01/2017 16:09

Disrespectful and very bad manners.

Squirmy65ghyg · 03/01/2017 16:10

Nope.

Ex h did this and when I called him on it gas lighted me to fuck.

One of the many reasons he is ex.

What a prick.

Littleballerina · 03/01/2017 16:11

I'd say very loudly, 'stop staring, it's disrespectful to bboth myself and the lady'.

takemetothehamptons · 03/01/2017 16:12

Yanbu. Ex did this and tried turning it around to make me feel like I was going crazy and imagining it.

That's one of the reasons he's an ex.

Ilovecaindingle · 03/01/2017 16:12

Slightly immature but start window shopping yourself and watch his reaction. .

Mari50 · 03/01/2017 16:13

An ex of mine did this, he was a dick.

squoosh · 03/01/2017 16:13

Yuck.

He sounds like a creep who has no regard for your feelings or the feelings of the women he's gawping at.

Thomasina76 · 03/01/2017 16:13

SO infuriating as he denies everything but is has happened on numerous occasions and I watched very closely and I am sure I am not mistaken. Stares over for ages until she moved and then no longer looks. Completely blatant. Worse of all he gets really angry when I raise it. Just makes me doubt everything. My ex husband did then and went on to have an affair -convinced it is linked. I know some men do this but there are a lot of men who don't.

OP posts:

Clarkly · 03/01/2017 16:13

As a vaguely attractive woman men who do this when their wives are around are so cringingly embarrassing.

I tend to go completely overboard and start making best mates with the wife or girlfriend, it's awkward as anything.

TheCatsMother99 · 03/01/2017 16:14

Definite start oogling other men or having loud conversations with friends about attractive men whilst within earshot of your DH, see how he likes it.

Nellyphants · 03/01/2017 16:14

Same as Squirmy

Squirmy65ghyg · 03/01/2017 16:14

He is an arrogant twat. What is the rest of your relationship like?

CaraAspen · 03/01/2017 16:16

Don't women look too? Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you are suddenly blind.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/01/2017 16:17

"DH cannot help but have a good look."
Of course he can 'help' it. He is CHOOSING to stare. Poor women, how do you think they feel being letched at?

squoosh · 03/01/2017 16:18

The OP isn't talking about 'looking' but about prolonged staring. There is a difference you know.

Thomasina76 · 03/01/2017 16:19

Clarky, I would say I am reasonably attractive and find men do this and always find it amazing. My reaction is the same as yours but it always seems like such a betrayal. Just seems puerile to start doing the same. Think I would rather be single than get into that. Whole thing makes me feel sick TBH. Relationship has its ups and downs but I definitely have trust issue and this really isn't helping. He's such an idiot as I've pulled him up on it before and he still does it. Either he doesn't care or he doesn't realise he is doing it.

OP posts:

Thomasina76 · 03/01/2017 16:20

By staring, I mean he takes at least 3-4 good long looks at her to the point where she (and I) have noticed he is looking.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/01/2017 16:22

This happens when you are out. In that case, I would stand up and leave.

Millymollymanatee · 03/01/2017 16:22

Every time he does it, tell him to stop. Tell him it's unacceptable both for you and the woman he's staring at. It's creepy! If he denies it, continues, or is rude to you, just get up and walk off. Stick to your guns.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/01/2017 16:22

Possibly pausing on my way out to apologise to the woman he has made uncomfortable.

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TheCatsMother99 · 03/01/2017 16:27

I think the fact that the other women notice it means he really should stop as it's not just innocent looking buy could make others feel uncomfortable.

I agree with PP who said to say out loud, loudly to him to stop staring and try to shame him

TheTantrumCometh · 03/01/2017 16:27

The way to raise it isn't "you're upsetting me etc" it's "Do you realise how creepy you look?"

Though TBH he should listen to the first one. What a prize dickhead

Crowdblundering · 03/01/2017 16:35

My OH does this but subtlely and I always laugh when I catch him - I know who he finds attractive so it's like a secret, silent joke between us.

He only looks once though and then at me and will look sheepish - if he was having a proper perv and being an absolute pest (which it sounds like your OH is) I would not like it.

Good suggestions here though

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