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AIBU?

To ask if this is rape?

163 replies

user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:13

Asking because I thought it was but now I'm doubting myself so please be gentle with me.

A man and a woman have known each other for a while and get on well. They have always had a very flirtatious relationship but nothing more has ever come of it than that.

One night they are both flirting with each other and joking around. He leans in to kiss her but she doesn't want to and moves away from him. He then gets pissed off and tells her to stop teasing him. He then holds her down and has sex with her despite her telling him no and to stop it but she can't struggle or fight him off.

I thought this was rape because she said no but she didn't struggle/fight him and she had been flirting with him so now am confused.

Please don't be too harsh with me.

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bookworm14 · 03/01/2017 13:15

Yes, this is rape.

If this happened to you, I'm so sorry. Flowers

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ScarletSienna · 03/01/2017 13:16

It's rape. Many people do not struggle when scared. It's rape. Flowers

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SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 03/01/2017 13:16

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SpermThroughASashWindow · 03/01/2017 13:17

It is rape. I'm so sorry if this was you.

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SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/01/2017 13:19

Yes, that is rape.

There's no requirement that a victim of rape should have physically struggled.

In the moment, lots of victims judge it safer to freeze or act friendly.

ninaburrowes.com/books/the-courage-to-be-me/ Chapter 2 explains this a bit.

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RebelRogue · 03/01/2017 13:20

It is rape.

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user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:20

But could it not have been a misunderstanding and he thought she wanted to?

I don't want to get anyone in trouble or hurt anyone but I think I already may have done.

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TimeToChangeFor2017 · 03/01/2017 13:20

Yes, it's a clear case of rape.

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MommaGee · 03/01/2017 13:20

Op is this is you or someone ypi know, please speak to the police. It was rape x

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SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 03/01/2017 13:21

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ScarletSienna · 03/01/2017 13:23

Flirting is not an excuse to then go on and do something that someone has said no to. It's a clear no. There is no grey area here at all.

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WinterIsHereJon · 03/01/2017 13:23

Are you the man in this scenario?

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user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:24

Okay thank you for this reassurance.

It happened about a month ago and I did report it but he denies it.

I'm scared nobody will believe me and call me a liar or I will be charged with making it up if they can't prove he did it.

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user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:25

I mean what if they decide I didn't fight hard enough or didn't make it clearer. Will they not say I'm a liar?

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/01/2017 13:26

Yes its rape. Whoever this has happened to. I'm so sorry.
No it was not a misunderstanding. She said no and told him to stop. There are no other ways to interperate the words No and Stop.
This needs reporting.

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SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 03/01/2017 13:27

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SeriousSteve · 03/01/2017 13:27

It's absolutely rape. Fight, flight or freeze.

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LivingInMidnight · 03/01/2017 13:29

user do you have someone in real life who can support you through this?

You know it was rape, whatever happens you've done the right thing. You've been really brave reporting it. You've been brave posting it here. You can get through this. You were not at fault in any way.

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PebbleInTheMoonlight · 03/01/2017 13:30

This is a clear example of a woman saying no and the man ignoring that. That is rape.

No grey area of too drunk to say no so implied consent (not that this is more acceptable), the situation described is assault.

Whoever this happened to needs support and I strongly advise speaking to the police.

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MrsMeeseeks · 03/01/2017 13:31

Flowers for you, my love. It wasn't your fault. No grey area there. Well done for reporting it.

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coconutpie · 03/01/2017 13:33

Flowers
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes, it was rape.

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aforestgrewandgrew · 03/01/2017 13:34

Yes it's rape.

Freezing / not struggling is an instinctual survival mechanism.

In other words, in a situation like this it may be your instinct not to struggle that prevented you from being in a even worse situation.

It doesn't change what happened.

Who has he denied it to? Is he putting pressure on you or speaking to you directly about the charges? If so this should not be happening and the police should know.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this Flowers

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user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:34

Thank you LivingInMidnight I actually went to my sisters house straight afterwards in a right state and she encouraged me to report it.

I remember I was pissed off at her at first because she wouldn't let me have a shower or get rid of my clothes but she encouraged me to report it.

But now I'm having doubts and I can't help thinking he didn't mean it and I have ruined someones life now for no reason.

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aforestgrewandgrew · 03/01/2017 13:35

Have you been offered any counselling?

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user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:36

I don't think people belueve me anyway. He is normally so nice and everyone likes him.

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