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To be annoyed at MIL?

(5 Posts)
Harveyrabbit76 Tue 03-Jan-17 10:49:24

I have building resentment against my MIL and I feel like I am letting it get out of control a bit.

We had a baby daughter last August and since then my MIL has become increasingly critical and overbearing. Within the first 2 weeks, she commented that I had to get into a 4 month routine asap, this was a bit impossible especially as I ebf and the baby was born at only 7lb.

She has made various comments about how she always wanted to steal babies and take them away and MIL continually watches me with DD. MIL always asks when she can take DD for the night to which I have to remind her through clenched teeth that she can't as I bf. Everytime they visit MIL snatches the pram if on a walk and constantly tries to take DS out. She always asks my husband in front of me "is she alright" meaning am I coping ok as I don't seem to be!

They came for dinner over Christmas, to which they invited themselves to stay the night in our small house, the MIL bought up a second hand plastic huge highchair and loads of presents that we specifically asked not to get as we simply don't have the space for them. I purposely don't dress my DD in girly dresses which are the only type of clothes my MIL buys for her, and I know she is disappointed that I don't make DD more girly.
I had put DD down for the evening while we had dinner and she was crying a bit, MIL said she was going to the loo but instead went into my bedroom and picked up DD to "soothe" her. DD became hysterical and I spent my evening trying to calm her down. How I didn't throw MIL out of my house I do not know. She also criticised my husband about the meal etc.
So basically, in essence, I feel judged, over protective and territorial over my baby and I feel MIL is trying to control me with the highchair, baby bouncer, clothes etc. My husband has told MIL that she is taking our choices away from us when she gives us stuff as we have such limited room and we wanted not to spoil the baby. When MIL now comes to visit I don't want to let her hold DS and I almost start having panic attacks.
I know I should man up and have a talk with her but am I just being unreasonable? I know I am sleep deprived etc :-)

Thanks in advance!

Elland Tue 03-Jan-17 11:02:27

Oh god she sounds awful. flowers

Well done for putting up with it for this long!

Could your husband have another word with her? If she still isn't listening I think you're going to have to put your foot down, be more direct and not let her do certain things, I know it's harder said than done. When she grabs the pram from you tell her you're just fine thanks and take it back, or if she does something you don't want her to do politely say no, that's not what we're doing, we're doing such a such and just repeat every time.

When she asks your husband if you're okay do you jump in and tell her your just fine? If not I would start doing that too.

I really feel for you, I've got a new baby and just people holding him, passing him round and not giving him back after a good amount of time is starting to test me.

Good luck and I hope she backs off soon.

DailyFail1 Tue 03-Jan-17 11:06:34

You need to tell her how you feel. Or tell dh how you feel and get him to tell her.

EustaceClarenceScrubb Tue 03-Jan-17 11:08:40

She has made various comments about how she always wanted to steal babies and take them away

Umm, she sounds unhinged. Stealing babies? YANBU to be worried about her. Your DH needs to say something, she is the one who seems to be in need of help.

Harveyrabbit76 Tue 03-Jan-17 11:22:28

Thanks guys! Glad to not be on my own in this!!

I have told DH and he completely understands. However he feels that as this is her first granddaughter, that she is over excited. Also MIL was seriously ill a few years back and so DH always bears that in mind and tries not to upset her, which I do understand. But I feel like I am going insane and I do feel like she thinks she could do and wants to do a better job.

She does come across as flakey and slightly unhinged. My husband gave her DD's birth cert so MIl could open up an ISA for her (which was very generous of her) but I was slightly worried just in case she was trying to get a passport or something, ha ha! I told you I have sleep deprived paranoia! :-)

MY DD doesn't make it easy by becoming completely wired and unable to sleep after being held by loads of different people and this Christmas has been a nightmare of everyone wanting to hold her. Both our mothers think I am being overly precious about trying to make my DD sleep during the day and withdrawing her from a social situation if I think too much. Our mothers seem to believe that the more you keep up a baby during the day the more likely it will sleep through the night. DD is under 5 months for god's sake! Don't even get me started on the judgement I get for DD not sleeping through the night :-(

God, I hope I don't ever become an awful MIL!!

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