SIL has, for the second time, given DH and me a charity donation to well-known charity (overseas aid) as our Christmas gift.
We gave her a very nice (and quite expensive) gift which she has said she loves.
I actually support this particular charity - I have made regular monthly donations to them for 20+ years plus I support their emergency appeals whenever I can.
But the fact is that she didn't ask us whether we wanted this donation as our gift. She doesn't know which charities we support (or that we support any, in fact).
As I see it, she is getting two gifts by doing this - she gets one actual gift from us and another from herself in the form of her feeling good about giving money to a charity of her choice.
I am sure if I was a better person I would be delighted at making this donation to charity but it actually makes me feel kind of worthless - as if she thinks that we obviously don't deserve/don't need a personal gift and/or that she thinks that we don't do enough for good causes and therefore need to be made by her to donate to charity.
It would be totally different if she had asked us if we wanted her to do this. We would probably have agreed and suggested that we did the same for her.
Have just had a gushing thank you in from her re the gift we sent her.
There is a slight complication in that she also sends our DCs small gifts. (She doesn't have any DC.)
I didn't say anything the first time and I think I either speak up now or accept that this is going to keep happening. So, AIBU to wonder whether to respond:
1 thanks for the donation to charity you made on our behalf . We'll be doing the same for you for birthdays and Christmases from now on, and let us know if you would prefer a charitable donation or personal gift from the DC.
2 let's forget about Christmas and birthday presents between us adults from now on. Let us know if you would prefer a charitable donation or personal gift from the DC.
3 say nothing, continue to buy her personal gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and have the same kind of resentful feelings every time she unilaterally donates to charity on our behalf?
Or AIBU?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To say that I really don't want this kind of Christmas gift again?
143 replies
blueberryporridge · 03/01/2017 00:24
OP posts:
Newsletters you might like
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.