Breastfeeding issue - night out(77 Posts)
This is probably a message for breastfeeders:
For Christmas I got a lovely present which involves a night out next month. It's very kind and generous but my 5month old is still exclusively breastfed and goes to bed after a final feed.
In the early days we used a bottle occasionally for expressed milk but soon stopped to help my supply regulate etc and he hasn't had a bottle since (about 4months ago!).
I know some people are happy expressing etc or weaning onto bottles, but I don't want to have to put him on a bottle just for one night. I also don't know how to manage him going to bed without final feed snuggles.
I've had a very difficult pregnancy and postpartum and the major positive thing has been breastfeeding and so I don't want to do anything different just because of a night off e.g. Wean / change night time routine. I know some might say it's good to be able to be free but I've been told I may not be able to have another baby and so making the most of this very short time feeding him myself is very important to me.
Any ideas on what to do?
Am I being unreasonable thinking it's nice but not appropriate right now?!
I guess my options are:
A) go and use bottles / and find an alternative to his final feed and snuggle (don't want to do this!)
B) don't go
C) go for part of it: feed him before the event and leave part way though so I'm back for his final feed
What do you guys think?
Any other options??
Will he be 6 months for the event? So weaning could be commenced?
I'm sure some mushed up veg and some water will prolong his last feed?
Rearange for another night? Though are you just not going to go out at all for months?
It's only one night so just go for A.
Have a couple of practices a few days before.
I'd go on the night out.
Try and get him to have an extra nap that day so he's not tired at his usual bedtime, give him a big feed before you go out and then do your usual bedtime feed and cuddle when you get home. Leave a cup of expressed milk in the fridge just in case he decides he really wants it.
Honestly he will be fine. I breastfed my bottle refusing DS for two and a half years and the occasional night out did no harm whatsoever to either the breastfeeding or our relationship.
Personally I would pick B, but then my DD is 2.3 and I've not had a night out since she was born. Is it something where C would reasonably be an option?
What is the event? If possible to go to part of it then I'd probably give that ago( but more for the givers sake). I totally get where you're coming from, I truthfully didn't really fancy a night out until my son was at least one.
Is the event close enough someone could bring the baby to you for a feed then home to bed? I had a night out with a friend and my dh met me in the car park. Bf in the warm car then he took dd home! I went back to my night out - alcohol free but a night out never the less!!
With the benefit of hindsight I would rearrange it for later. When my daughter was 6 months I went out t the theatre, took bloody weeks to get her to take a bottle just so I could go and I spent the night wishing the hours away so I could go home. I'm pregnant again and won't bother trying to go out until he's weaned.
You'll possibly find that he won't take expressed milk from you but that he'll happily take it from someone else (e.g., his dad) while you're not there. DS wouldn't touch a sippy cup of milk if I offered it but would chug it down if it was DH.
I wouldn't go.
The first night out I had when I was breast feeding was when DS was 9 months and even then I worried for most of the night how DH would be managing seeing as DS was always BF to sleep.
What's the night out? If it's something that can be rearranged then just save yourself the stress and go another time.
I think you should go. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation and left the baby very reluctantly. All was fine. She was glad she did because a week later she had a burst appendix and ended up in hospital missing all manner of feeds. She was glad she'd had an optional night off so that when she had a compulsory one her first worry wasn't how he would cope without her for the first time.
I do get it though. I fed both of mine until eight/ nine months and was reluctant to mess them around, mainly because I was scared it would increase night wake ups!
Who is looking after him? That would make a big difference to me, eg if its dad I think he should be able to cope if its someone who isn't as well known to baby it might be a step too far.
Personally I don't think expressed bottle for one night is going to do much harm but then I have 4 and breastfed for between 6 months and 3 years depending on the individual childs needs. I actually stopped breastfeeding one at about 6 months and had a rethink and started again a week later. It really didn't cause much trouble, just a bit of time to get milk going again.
Have you tried him with milk from a cup, might that be an alternative?
It sounds like you haven't been out much since baby was born? Maybe I have that wrong but maybe a night off would be really good for you, on the other hand I do understand you wanting to make the most of this time.
It isn't easy and only you know what is right for you. Hope you sort it out.
I am still bf DC3 and have turned down a night away in February as it's not realistic DC3 will be 10 months by then). All 3 I bf for a year each and they all needed to be bf to sleep and still some overnight bf at a year when I was back at work. Obviously that doesn't mean yours would too but for me it would be too logistically difficult with planning in advance.
When I did express for the other 2 it meant buying a good pump, freezer bags, getting the baby used to the bottle and expressing enough all in advance. I just couldn't be bothered with DC3.
I would try and rearrange/go another time if at all possible personally .
If it's for one night I would say A. I think you are slightly over thinking it. His feeding pattern might be quite different in a month's time. You can use expressed milk.
I'd go for b or...probably b because I live quite far from anywhere I could 'go out' to. It's up to you, but don't feel bad if you'd rather miss a night out because you don't want to give a bottle. That's my situation at the moment.
I still haven't gone out in the evening without DS and he is almost 9 months, I'll start going at age 1 when he's old enough for cows milk.
(I don't want to give DS formula and I'm squeamish about expressing/can't be bothered to buy a pump/bottles etc for the sake of an occasional night out)
Honestly? Do what your gut tells you.
I wouldn't go. My ds1 bf to sleep for 2 years and we didn't have a night out in ages. I was happy with that. I knew my time would come again for going out.
It did! But now I've got ds2 and back to night feeding!
Can it be rearranged?
I think the important thing is that you dont want to. Noone is entitled to expect you to go out, whatever they bought you for Christmas.
If you decide you want to go it will be fine. From around 6 months, my husband did bedtime (my twins were breastfed but went through a phase of refusing to go to sleep that way). For him, they went to sleep for snuggles and rock songs.
Personally Id go for C but go for what you want.
Thank you for the quick replies!
He'd be left with my husband - who can drop me outside so I can feed him in the car but then he'd miss a couple of feeds. I don't mind my husband trying expressed milk for one but his final feed I don't think he'd go to sleep after unless it's been with me (but maybe I'm overthinking it?!) he sleeps through if he's had a final feed on me so I'm worried about changing it just for one night and don't want to risk him being distressed.
Argh the thought of being away from him for several hours just isn't thrilling me.
I can see what people mean when they say maybe it would do me good but I'm already suffering from PTSD following a traumatic birth and I genuinely like feeding him, that's a lovely thing amongst all the difficult stuff that's happened so I don't want a night out!
But I don't want to upset my friend.
It can't be rearranged really as it's a concert by a band with a drinks reception beforehand, so the band will be on tour and not in our area after that night.
I don't want to upset my friend as it's such a nice gift, but I can't bear to leave him.
I spoke to her sister today and she suggested giving formula or expressed and said how she knows people who do that and it made me feel like shit that I wasn't willing to do that. But at the same time - it's bloody stupid to give me this gift when she knows I'm exclusively breastfeeding and I don't like leaving him at the moment for more than an hour.
Why couldn't she get us afternoon tea?! Lol
Will he settle to sleep without boob for your husband normally? If he does then you should be able to manage it without undue distress? Can your husband use a sling as that would be my go-to without boobs? Or do you have a friend who could wet nurse as a one off (a bit radical perhaps but a viable option for a bottle refuser). If you go, you will probably want to take a pump with you, or be prepared to hand express if you get uncomfortable.
I did manage to leave my 9 weeks old with my husband in London so I could go to the theatre - she nursed before I went in and then slept in the sling until I came back!!! DH had some expressed milk just in case.
But if you really won't enjoy it (I totally understand that) see if someone else wants the ticket?
It sounds like your friend misses you and wanted a night out like you used to have. Also with all your recent stress, she obviously thought it would do you good. She's probably right, but only if you are comfortable with changing the usual routine. Otherwise you'll spend all evening fretting and won't relax, so neither of you will enjoy it. I would suggest you are really honest with your friend and explain how difficult it is to turn down her generous gift, but explain your reasons why you must. Why don't you book afternoon tea or a spa treatment for you both, to make it up to her? That way you both get to spend time together but on terms you are comfortable with and which won't upset your baby.
The giver of the gift should've realised this may have put you in some sort of dilemma! 😐
[D] go but do a trial run before.Feed before you go.
Im probably going to get flamed but at 5 months they can stretch the feeds out....Its not great but it depends how long you are going for.Plus you are not always going to be their.life gets in the way.No harm somebody else knows how to get them to bed and calm them.
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