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To feel my sons friend's comments were homophobic?

(7 Posts)
indiraisindiaisindira Mon 02-Jan-17 02:02:01

DS is gay. He has a friend who's female, very strong and plays rugby with lots of lesbian women.
They were discussing things, and the girl pipes up that;

She can't stands lesbians, she thinks the idea of two women kissing is foul. But don't worry she doesn't mind too men kissing because that's cute. It's different about lesbians though because she's a girl. Surely that's just as offensive to DS?!

Another girl said before that she doesn't think it's quite right to be gay.

It's still a big hooha to be gay. Often the butt of jokes etc or calling each other faggots.

Just the other month he popped to the loo and one of the boys in his class said "stop f looking you faggot I can't go" and scuttled off to a cubicle. DS was so shocked he just laughed along, unsure if he was being direct or just a lads joke.

Please tell me that this school is backward and that he won't face this shit everywhere?

Dilligaf81 Mon 02-Jan-17 02:06:29

Dont really know what to say. I think it sounds like the school age children havent quite formed their own opinions so are copying reactions they have seen or heard i.e thinking a gay man must lust after all men.
Its getting better but its not good enough. I personally subscribe to the 'confront and challenge" brigade when i hear homophobic, racist or sexist language.
Accepting uts banter or a joke makes the bigotry acceptable in my view.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 02-Jan-17 02:07:19

It depends. I live in Canada and I teach youth and was really cheered to teach a group of 'disadvantaged' youth where a couple of boys were holding hands without a comment or any kind of anything. I've also had a few gay youth and lesbians youth in the classes talking about their relationships and stuff and no one gives a tiny shite.

But then f*ggot and gay are used as insults and people feel that they have the right to comment on people's relationships. And I think it's worse in the UK. And much worse in the US. And travelling can be rough.

But he will be fine. He has you. And that's more than a lot of kids.

dovesong Mon 02-Jan-17 02:09:34

Unfortunately you will generally get ignorant arseholes everywhere, but thankfully the amount of them is lessening and it definitely depends on where you live. I'm in London and it's definitely better here than in other parts of the country.

But honestly: kids are often shits to anyone who is slightly different. They're still forming their opinions. I'm absolutely horrified by some of the crap I came out with when I was 15 or so. Things will get better and easier for your son.

You sound like a brilliant parent. That will stand him in really good stead.

MissVictoria Mon 02-Jan-17 02:20:10

I think for most people it's something they don't understand so they don't act appropriately. There is of course no excuse for it, but the majority probably don't mean to be offensive.
The boy in the toilets was very rude, but he may well have been uncomfortable. Boys toilets are a dumb design imo, they seriously lack privacy. The boy was wrong to assume your son had any interest in looking at his penis, but in his head it probably felt similar to if a woman was half naked in front of a straight man, he might have felt vulnerable. Of course he shouldn't have assumed your son was attracted to him or had any interest in looking, but it IS more uncomfortable to feel so intimately on show in front of someone who is sexually attracted to your gender and not the opposite gender.
I do know people with similar thoughts as his female friend, who as a straight person find 2 people of the same gender as them engaging in intimacy to be somehow wrong, but they can sympathise with 2 people of the opposite gender as they feel attraction to that gender and so it seems more normal to them.
People tend to fear what they don't understand, for someone who is completely straight it can be impossible to understand how someone can be attracted to the same gender. It used to be a crime and a very hidden thing to be homosexual, and in some families, particularly religious ones, they are still brought up to believe that. Sadly a lot of parents will pressure their child to share their views, them may well be conditioned from a young age to believe only straight is acceptable or "normal".
Hopefully society keeps evolving and acceptance for all sexualities will one day be equal.

Italiangreyhound Mon 02-Jan-17 02:22:52

Those comments from the girl are unpleasant, yes. And I am sorry your ds has had unpleasant treatment at school. If it continues can you complain, would he want you to?

If my dd was ever not happy about things at school I asked her if she wanted me to do anything, she usually did!

You sounds like a great mum, thanks

Italiangreyhound Mon 02-Jan-17 02:24:33

My dd did not really get bullying, just a few comments, she is not gay, she is dyslexic and some of the nasty comments were about this, and the fact her brother is adopted.

Kids will pick on anything!

So anything unacceptable can be challenged.

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