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AIBU?

Was this assault?

51 replies

Gem90 · 01/01/2017 23:20

I have occasionally wondered about this from time to time, usually excusing it all because I was drunk, but when I was talking to an old friend today she seemed shocked that I didn't realise I had been assaulted.
Basically, when I was about 16 I was friends with this boy, there was a big group of us. Anyway, he was so lovely when Sober and a complete nightmare when he was drunk.
One night we were all at a friends after a beach party, I was vvv drunk.
So was he. I passed out on the sofa, so drunk, and I woke up to him fingering me.
Like I said I was so drunk and so was he. I told him to stop and he did. Looking back now it seems so strange but at the time I thought it was just usual behaviour at teen parties. Was this assault of just a drunken laugh?

OP posts:

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TheSparrowhawk · 01/01/2017 23:22

Assault, sorry. An unconscious woman can't consent to sexual activity - he used you because you were convenient.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 01/01/2017 23:22

Yes it was assault.

Sorry that happened to you.

Gem90 · 01/01/2017 23:24

It was so long ago, but just sometimes I wonder if what he did was wrong. I didn't wake up screaming or frightened I just told him to stop. Looking back though it creeps me out

OP posts:

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/01/2017 23:24

If you don't feel as though you were assaulted and this was normsl behaviour at the type of parties you attended then no it wasn't.

TheSparrowhawk · 01/01/2017 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/01/2017 23:26

What made you think it was usual behaviour at teen parties?
Had it happened on more than one occasion or had you seen it happen to others?

WhooooAmI24601 · 01/01/2017 23:27

Patricia I don't think it matters if the OP felt it was normal, the fact is that putting your fingers into the vagina of an unconscious woman is an assault regardless of "everyone else is doing it" or "you didn't scream at me to stop". The onus is not on the person being assaulted to stop or define it; the onus is on the perpetrator to understand that an unconscious woman is not a vessel to be used at their leisure.

Honeybee79 · 01/01/2017 23:28

Assault without a doubt.

DailyFail1 · 01/01/2017 23:28

Passing out and waking up to being molested is very different to getting drunk and having sex with a guy while inebrieted. Def assault.

Itsallgoodimtold · 01/01/2017 23:30

If he removed your clothes while you were passed out then it is assault.
If you fell asleep half way through with the same person who also fell in and out of sleep then it could be that it wasn't assault with intent, but still wrong.
Please don't kill me mn

TheSparrowhawk · 01/01/2017 23:31

Did you read the OP itsallgood?

PastysPrincess · 01/01/2017 23:32

Very definitely assault. An unconscious person cannot consent.

AntiHop · 01/01/2017 23:34

Assault. Same happened to a friend of mine. So sorry to hear that happened to you.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 01/01/2017 23:34

If he removed your clothes while you were passed out then it is assault.

If you fell asleep half way through with the same person who also fell in and out of sleep then it could be that it wasn't assault with intent, but still wrong

WTF.

Neither of these happened, she was unconscious and he put his fingers inside her vagina without her consent. It is very much sexual assault.

OP I'm sorry his happened, and I think it's sad that you've been led to believe this is the norm and that you'd think it wasn't assault. Now you know it is where do you think you want to go from here?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 01/01/2017 23:36

Oh and even if a woman did consent to foreplay but fell asleep halfway through, it's assault if the bloke carries on

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 23:38

Anyone touches your body in a sexual way without your consent. Then yes its assault.

Gem90 · 01/01/2017 23:42

all my friends were in the conservatory and I went through to the living room with this boy and fell asleep and then woke up fully dressed with his fingers inside me

OP posts:

Itsallgoodimtold · 01/01/2017 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 01/01/2017 23:42

It's assault because you did not consent to it.

TheSparrowhawk · 01/01/2017 23:45

How is it not clear? She said she passed out and woke up to him assaulting her. And she's now stated that a second time. Is that good enough for you?

notyounanbread · 01/01/2017 23:48

Go on YouTube and type in 'Tea Consent'.

Itsallgoodimtold · 01/01/2017 23:48

I'm very sorry for posting comments that questioned your OP.
Apologies again

TrillKitten · 02/01/2017 00:02

Sexual assault / rape. No question. As others have said regardless of anything you said or did, even if you had enthusiastically consented before, if you passed out and he carried on that's legally rape.
If you feel you'd benefit from speaking confidentially to someone about this, including how it feels to realise only in hindsight you were assaulted, I can really recommend Rape Crisis. A quick google should find you the contact details of your local branch. Whatever you decide to do next I hope you're able to process this - I imagine it's very strange and difficult experience to go through

RhodaBorrocks · 02/01/2017 00:25

He penetrated you, therefore it's actually rape.

It happened to me at 21. Except when I woke up and told him to stop the bloke got on top of me and started shoving other bits of himself inside me.

Operation Sapphire (that's the Met's rape unit) told me that it doesn't matter whether it's cock, fingers or object, non-consentual penetration of front or back door is rape, plain and simple.

Unfortunately it never got to prosecution for me. But I hope he knows he's a rapist in legal terms.

Please seek support if you need to. 15 years on and I'm pretty hardened to it now, so I'm sorry if my response is a bit blunt.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 02/01/2017 00:28

I thought that under UK law only penetration with a penis is rape? Hence why women can't be charged with rape, only sexual assault.

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