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AIBU to keep dc at home?

(6 Posts)
WildRoses Sun 01-Jan-17 21:43:58

Before I explain I just want to make it clear that I don't want this to turn into a typical exh slagging match. I need good advice on what's best for dc as opposed to myself or exh.
So here goes. Exh had 3 dc for 1 wk of the Xmas holidays. Dc are 15, 11 and 8 yrs old.
Most of the week was spent with arguments between exh and his partner and his partners dd (19yrs old with her own 8mth old baby.) Exh hates his partners dd and dgd. I don't know why. I've kept out of that side of things as its none of my business. Anyway my dc have come back today, all really upset because of the arguing. 15 yrs old dd told her dad she wasn't going back to see him until he'd been to a doctor and got himself sorted out. (He has a history of mental illness)
This isn't the first time in his relationship that this has happened. In the past there have been police reports filed against them with violence between exh and new partner but as there was no threat to the children my solicitor and I decided it was OK for them to continue going. There has been no physical threat to date with dc until this time when he grabbed dd (15yr) by the arm. She said she doesn't feel safe with him now and doesn't want to go back. (Our marriage broke down due to his physical violence towards me in front of the dc)
I've talked to other 2 dc and said perhaps it would be better for them to stay home next time to give exh and his partner a bit of space and time without the dc around to try to sort their relationship.
Over the years myself and exh have been through court and lots of nastiness, but over that last few years have manged to maintain an amicable relationship. I know if I go down solicitor route again this will come to an end. Don't know what to do now. AIBU? Sorry for the long post but it's important that you all understand the history as well as the present situation. Thank you.

user1477282676 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:48:20

YANBU. I think you need legal advice though....in case he tries to insist...you need to protect the DC! Poor people who are being affected by him!

WildRoses Sun 01-Jan-17 22:36:44

Thank you. We do have a contact order in place but my solicitor said on my last appointment about a year ago that as soon as the dc weren't happy going he'd send it straight back to court for me. As I said there is a lot of history.

seriouslyenoughalready Sun 01-Jan-17 22:39:31

YANBU. Im amazed that you and your solicitor thought it was okay for the kids to be exposed to violence between ex and new partner anyway. But certainly now, do not allow them back. It is not in their best interests.

WildRoses Mon 02-Jan-17 21:14:14

I didn't think it was OK at the time which is why I went to the solicitor for advice. Dc didn't want to stop seeing their dad back then, so I talked to exh and explained that I wouldn't stand for it again. Sadly I don't think their relationship is going to survive and according to dd (15) they are both as bad as each other with their tempers. I suppose after almost 10yrs after divorce I had hoped it would all be settled by now. Thank you for your advice.

missymayhemsmum Mon 02-Jan-17 21:46:58

Your dd says she doesn't feel that she (and presumably the younger ones?) are safe there, and doesn't want to go. I think you have to back her decision. Doesn't mean that the younger ones have to lose all contact with their father, just that you aren't sending them to stay in a house where violent arguments are the norm.

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