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To not want to FaceTime whilst breastfeeding!

(21 Posts)
Cathy482 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:03:30

Hi, first time poster here but have been a long time lurker.

Anyway, DH's family have just Face Timed to wish us a Happy New Year. My 6 week old daughter chose that time to decide she was hungry so as I'm breastfeeding I popped her on. DH's family then start to ask to speak to me to wish me a happy new year (as they didnt get to wish me a happy Xmas as I was upstairs putting our 3 year old to bed, it was 8.30, she was knackered and we had already tried to Face Time them several times but as they like to eat dinner later than us, were only just finishing their dinner at 8.30.)

I didn't feel comfortable talking to all of them whilst having my boob out (all of them being MIL, my 3 SIL's, one of their husbands, my 11 year old neice and 6 year old nephew) so gestured to my husband that I would talk to them after feeding my daughter. Before people suggest I feed her under a muslin, I've tried repeatedly, she doesn't like it and always manages to pull it off by waving her arms everywhere!

Cue offended tone from MIL and one of my SIL, why can't she talk to us anyway etc. DH is now in a strop as he feels I was B U to not speak to them, even though I happily agreed to call them back once she finished feeding. I asked DH how he'd feel if I asked him to talk to my family with one of his balls exposed! To which he stomped off and can now hear him banging around upstairs. So, AIBU or are my DH's family?

KateBeckett Sun 01-Jan-17 19:05:19

They are. Hopefully he'll get over his strip soon and realise he was being a dick...

KateBeckett Sun 01-Jan-17 19:05:27


KnittedBlanketHoles Sun 01-Jan-17 19:09:00


It's always up to you how much of yourself you want to reveal to other people. If you have body parts it and feel exposed and vulnerable of course you don't want to face time.

Does he often put his family's needs before yours, is there a pattern of him disregarding your feelings?

hotcrossbun83 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:09:48

Why can't you FaceTime from the neck up? I'd chat to my mum all the time while feeding, she'd then ask where the baby was and I'd show her he'd been on boob the whole time. Otherwise she never would have known

ijustwannadance Sun 01-Jan-17 19:16:01

Why couldn't it just have been a normal phone call. Hate facetime.

ConvincingLiar Sun 01-Jan-17 19:16:44

I FaceTime friends with the camera aimed at my toddler so they can't see me in my pyjamas. I can see why you didn't want to be exposed, but I don't think that's necessary with careful filming.

Caterina99 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:20:04

Just point the camera so they can't see you/boobs. Or switch off the camera. Of course if you don't want to chat that's fair enough!

NicknameUsed Sun 01-Jan-17 19:24:32

If you are happy to talk to them while feeding but unhappy about what they can see you can just adjust the camera so that they can't see anything you don't want them to ie a face shot only.

Although, with a baby covering your boob they wouldn't get to see anything anyway.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Sun 01-Jan-17 19:34:37

Just face time shoulders up or turn off the camera ... I don't really see the problem. Sorry

downwardfacingdog Sun 01-Jan-17 19:41:02

Yanbu. They are his family, not yours. My PIL just tell DH to wish me a merry xmas/new year, though there's no love lost between us to be fair. If you don't want to feed in front of others that's your choice, as is not covering up. I wouldn't want to eat with a cloth over my head either so never covered my babies, but never had any boob on show. Did the two tops trick.

bloodyteenagers Sun 01-Jan-17 19:46:28

Whenever someone tries facetiming
Me I cover up the camera or point it to the ceiling.

PaperdollCartoon Sun 01-Jan-17 19:49:26

I don't like face timing even when completely clothes, fully made up and looking lovely. Surely phones were invented so we can speak to people without looking at them? Why not have a normal phone call?

No you weren't being U. Facetiming at all is U.

Cathy482 Sun 01-Jan-17 20:00:41

Thanks ladies, I know we could have positioned the camera so as not to see my boob but I know my MIL, she would have then wanted to see the baby, my DH would have done so without thinking and then I would have been left feeling v.uncomfortable! If there hadn't been so many of them then it maybe wouldn't have been so bad, but my husband has a very large (Irish) family and they are all together for New Year's day.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband's family, their the lovliest people. I just don't want to feed with an audience! I don't even like feeding in front of my own family which probably says more about my hang ups than anyone eles's!) I'm only really comfortable feeding in front of my husband and sister.

And in answer to KnittedBlanketHoles, my husband is usually verry considerate of my feelings, I think he just felt put under pressure by MIl & SIL's which made him stroppy! He's downstairs loading the dishwasher for me now xx

CalleighDoodle Sun 01-Jan-17 20:03:06

Was it only you who ate tonight then? hmm

CalleighDoodle Sun 01-Jan-17 20:04:28

You could have angled the phone to your face and you could have been the one to hold it. Then your dh wouldnt have accidentally exposed you. However, if yoy dont want to ralk and feed at the same time you dont have to. Phone then back when the baby has finished feeding.

lovelearning Sun 01-Jan-17 20:04:58


Cathy482 Sun 01-Jan-17 20:05:12

'Feed my daugter with an audience' I mean :-)

Yesitsmeagain Sun 01-Jan-17 20:07:52

FFS - total U ILs for wanting to FaceTime you to wish you a Hapoy New Year. It's the day after yesterday!! What a whole load of fuss over really not much.

Camomila Sun 01-Jan-17 20:28:19

YANBU! Although I don't mind facetiming my mum while breastfeeding anyone else I'd just feel too weird.

Crumbs1 Sun 01-Jan-17 20:34:10

I think people are being a bit harsh. You are still new to feeding and still need to feel totally comfortable to 'let down'. It gets easier and you will become more confident but now is not the time to undermine your partnership with your baby. You could either say HNY with laptop facing away so,they only got a voice or say I'll,call you back when I've finished feeding. I don't think it's a big deal either way. In a few months you'll probably be ok feeding whilst you push a trolley around the supermarket but as yet, it's early days.

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