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To be so angry with DP?

(183 Posts)
Rinmybell Sun 01-Jan-17 09:27:28

Our 5week old DS was hospitalised this week and ofcourse it was a very sad/scary time. I stayed at the hospital with him - not leaving once.
(Good news) we came home last night and I was so excited too have a New Year's Eve in with the children and DP. The house was in such a state when I came home. But I chose to overlook it and decided I'd sort it today after DS2's hospital appointment.
However literally 10 mins of me walking through the door, I was ambushed with demands requests.
For example, the washing up, clean his work shirts, tidy the living room, etc. It really pissed me off as during all of this I was feeding, especially as due to being so poorly he was mostly syringe fed, so he's getting used to bf again so a lot of readjusting his latch etc.
Then comes bed time and ofcourse DS2 doesn't want to settle in his cradle. No surprises there's he's been cuddled non stop for a week, is still poorly still fitted with 2 canulas, so on.
DP was snappy and moody because in all honesty -I'm ashamed to say- he wanted to dtd and the attention I was showing DS2 was getting in the way of that.
I have woken up today so, so angry. And not sure if I even want to speak to him particularly. How can he be so selfish?
I don't want too 'LTB' but honestly his selfishness and lack of help is next level so maybe my choices are limited.
I can just about cope with the amount of housework and his stroppiness when both children are well confused
Am I overreacting?!

Mamia15 Sun 01-Jan-17 09:30:11

No you're not. He sounds disgustingly selfish, lazy and entitled.

Has he always been like this?

BravoPanda Sun 01-Jan-17 09:31:04

No. He would be sleeping in the spare room for a month if it was me.

Mamia15 Sun 01-Jan-17 09:31:18

I hope you turned down all his demands.

Focus on yourself and the DC.

MatildaTheCat Sun 01-Jan-17 09:32:08

No, of course you aren't over reacting. He's a twonk. And very selfish. I'm guessing he's had a bad week too so maybe the house took second fiddle but the dtd sulking and demands are disgraceful.

Read him the riot act and then get back to looking after the actual children.

Hope ds is much better very soon.x

SortAllTheThings Sun 01-Jan-17 09:32:16

I've been in a very very similar situation.

I left the bastard.

So sorry. Hope your little boy is OK now. I'm not suggesting you LTB because I don't know anything else about you, but when you've had time to think about it, have a talk with him about how unreasonable his behaviour is. His reaction will tell you all you need to know, I reckon

arethereanyleftatall Sun 01-Jan-17 09:33:28

Omg. That's disgraceful. It actually made me feel sick when I read he wanted and expected you to want to dtd. No way.

Hellmouth Sun 01-Jan-17 09:34:13

You are definitely not overreacting.

Is he always like this? I wouldn't stand for it!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 01-Jan-17 09:34:41

I'm so sorry to hear your DS has been in hospital, OP. It must have been terrifying for you. flowers

So the day you get home, your DP wants you to get all the housework done, clean HIS work shirts, and do every other domestic chore under the sun, whilst looking after a baby who has until earlier that day been in hospital, whilst pressurising you to have sex (and only 5 weeks after you gave birth, too).

Wow. He sounds vile.

Mamabear14 Sun 01-Jan-17 09:35:44

If my OH had been arsey about not getting sex 5 weeks after I'd given birth I'd have booted him out, let alone after you've been in hospital with your baby!
I hope your DS is doing well, you need to sit and help him get back to feeding properly, and your OH needs to be getting the housework done and bringing you tea and snacks while grovelling an apology.

AverageJosephine Sun 01-Jan-17 09:35:51

Oh goodness. If you don't want to LTB then you have a responsibility to sort him out. You can't live with someone who behaves like that, it's a terrible example to your kids even if you're willing to be treated like that yourself. So you need to tell him straight to get his act together and sort out the shirts and washing up himself and that if he ever strops about no sex again, there will be no sex for a month. You are in a very weak position if you are unwilling to LTB.

Introvertedbuthappy Sun 01-Jan-17 09:35:59

That is completely awful. Does he have any redeeming features?! Actually, scratch that, his behaviour is so utterly horrific that there can't be any.
I am never usually one for this, but LTB. Despite your stressful experience you would actually be less stressed if you didn't have someone messing stuff up, making demands of you and pestering for sex.
Hope your wee one is better soon. Please consider leaving - that is disgusting behaviour.

SaoirseLikeInertia Sun 01-Jan-17 09:37:02

The "needs" of a grown man vs tiny ill baby. That's what it come down to. I wouldn't care about state of house, plenty of time to sort that, but demands for washing up, laundry definitely creating a sexy mood there would really make me see him in another light... wtf can't he put a load in the machine and do his own shirts?

MrsDustyBusty Sun 01-Jan-17 09:37:09

Why don't you want to leave?

gamerchick Sun 01-Jan-17 09:37:53

He didn't have the house tidied for you getting in from a chunk of time in hospital with a poorly baby?

Then wanted sex 5 weeks PP?

Yeah a conversation is needed there. Might be worth having when you're not feeling as angry though, how to do that I have no idea.

Crumbs1 Sun 01-Jan-17 09:38:25

Good gracious. It is he who is entirely unreasonable. The was he at hospital with you a lot of the time? I would have expected support at hospital - not necessarily staying all day because of other children - so I could have a shower and meal. I'd expect fresh clothes to be brought in for baby and me and some nice food for me. On arrival home I would expect him to have arranged extra session of housekeeper and to have made sure all laundry was done, house was warm and that there was food in the pantry.
I don't think not talking is the answer though. Always best to communicate and get your point across without anger (or with anger, if needed).
Why has baby got cannulas in after discharge?

Euphemia Sun 01-Jan-17 09:38:51

How old are your other children?

MusicalChairsOh Sun 01-Jan-17 09:40:19

You have a poorly 5 week old who's just come out of hospital and his mind is focussed on wanting sex? How awful. Has he even asked how you are feeling in regards to being ready for sex?
What an awful situation to be in. I would be so angry.
He should be looking after you and your newborn without even thinking of his sexual needs right now.
I'm sorry but he is really lacking in care towards you both.
I would be setting him straight, his needs have to wait. How selfish.

ALongTimeComing Sun 01-Jan-17 09:40:26

What an absolute arse. He is completely out of order on so many levels.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 01-Jan-17 09:40:38

Crumbs1 I have a feeling they don't have a housekeeper...most people don't. But her DP was more than capable of keeping the house in a semi-normal fashion while OP was caring for their baby.

MatildaTheCat Sun 01-Jan-17 09:41:05

Oh goodness. If you don't want to LTB then you have a responsibility to sort him out. You can't live with someone who behaves like that, it's a terrible example to your kids even if you're willing to be treated like that yourself. So you need to tell him straight to get his act together and sort out the shirts and washing up himself and that if he ever strops about no sex again, there will be no sex for a month. You are in a very weak position if you are unwilling to LTB.

Bloody hell, that's very close to victim blaming. He needs to sort himself out. OP is venting. She says she's not LTB. He's probably fine most of the time and although MN would have it otherwise we don't all divorce at every transgression.

OP, give him a royal bollocking and move on. Unless there's much, much more we don't know. flowers

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 09:41:27

That is shockingly bad behaviour. He just sees you as a servant that gives him sex.

Cheby Sun 01-Jan-17 09:41:54

Really not over reacting at all. Sounds like he has zero concern for his child or you. We didn't DTD for a very long time after having a baby and my DH didnt pressure me once.

Kick him out into the sofa and give the relationship some serious consideration.

Skang Sun 01-Jan-17 09:43:19

I don't understand how you could want to stay with him. It's actually disgusting that he didn't clean the house up while you were at the hospital let alone asking you to do housework when you got in. As for the DTD thing... I feel murderous just reading it.

LittleBearPad Sun 01-Jan-17 09:43:34

Yanbu. His behaviour is appalling.

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