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To ask how you would have dealt with this tantrum?

(124 Posts)
JoyfulAndTriumphant Sat 31-Dec-16 17:30:05

Feel like we are failing miserably sad

DD has just turned two. She's generally fab, but is going through a very wilful phase right now. Fighting for independence, doesn't like us doing anything for her, tantrums when she doesn't get her way, and some general mischief like chucking her toys around (and laughing when told not to). We are trying to be firm with her but to be honest, she gives zero fucks.

This morning she would not let us get her dressed. We lay her down to put on her socks and she was kicking and screaming, rolling and crawling away. Absolutely refused to co operate. We tried to just continually lie her back down and put her clothes on, but she was having none of it. Kicking, screaming, crying, going rigid on DH's knee. She was getting herself into a state. I told DH, who was trying to be firm with her, to just stop (he thinks I'm far too soft and that I'm doing her no favours by pandering to her).

Eventually she got so worked up that we just let her run around in her nappy for another ten mins, and tried again when she was calmer. She still made it difficult but we managed. This was fine as we weren't in a hurry today, but generally we don't have a spare half hour just to put on her clothes in the morning. We're in charge and she needs to know that but she doesn't care. Aside from physically pinning her down and forcing her legs into her trousers etc, what were we meant to do??

I'm just not sure what we should have done. I have no idea, in fact. Can you tell me how you'd have dealt with it?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 31-Dec-16 17:32:37

If I was in no hurry I'd just have let her get on with it and left the room.

haveacupoftea Sat 31-Dec-16 17:33:08

I think you did the right thing tbh, forcing the issue would just have escalated the situation.

cherrycrumblecustard Sat 31-Dec-16 17:33:36

How was he being firm with her?

JoyfulAndTriumphant Sat 31-Dec-16 17:34:47

Just speaking to her in a firmer, slightly raised voice (but not shouting).

JoyfulAndTriumphant Sat 31-Dec-16 17:35:04

Telling her to behave sort of thing

Rosae Sat 31-Dec-16 17:35:45

I think how you dealt with it is fine. I have an 18 month old who often refuses clothes. When I have time I do it slowly. I distract with toys light enough she can play with lying on her back. Or will put a necklace on long enough she can play with it but has to lie on her back as I'm wearing it.
If we have a short amount of time then yes, I pin her down and force her in. I will then choose outfits that are easy to do this tho.

busyrascal Sat 31-Dec-16 17:36:08

Did she have to get dressed? My 4yo was in her pjs until 3pm today.

Can she do any of it herself?

addstudentdinners2 Sat 31-Dec-16 17:36:10

cherry what does that have to do with anything?

cherrycrumblecustard Sat 31-Dec-16 17:36:35

Sounds fine. I know it won't be a popular view but I do kind of agree with your DH. I wouldnt appreciate a toddler having the whole house trying to get her dressed.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 31-Dec-16 17:36:54

She's two and as you said she doesn't give a fuck.

Will she try to dress herself or doesn't want any clothes on at all?

JoyfulAndTriumphant Sat 31-Dec-16 17:37:53

Not yet busy. She tries but she can't manage yet.

I was trying to get her dressed because she wanted to out on her scooter and I wanted to get her to the park while it was still dry.

Chrismino Sat 31-Dec-16 17:37:58

I give mine chocolate or biscuits I know it's not good but when I have to get a 2 and 3 year old dressed for work at 8am it's the only way. My 2 year is pretty bad for this even today he didn't want to wear his coat for our walk but luckily wasn't that cold I just thought if he wants it hel put it on. Sometimes I carry him to car without his socks and shoes and just bring them with me. Or try to distract with favourite programs.

WispyWindy Sat 31-Dec-16 17:38:11

DD is just 2 and for the last couple of weeks has refused to get dressed until we leave the house. I just let her run around with nappy on, then put everything on at the door when we're ready to go out, emphasising that it's cold and we need to wear clothes outside. Sometimes I open the door to show her how cold it is, and she's fairly compliant. Still refuses coat often but if we're going in the car then I don't force it. I'm sure things will change eventually so I've decided not to worry too much. I've also had success with dressing her when ive distracted her with the ipad

guiltypleasureJK Sat 31-Dec-16 17:38:37

With our 2 year old I give her the choice. She gets dressed or she can go back to bed if she isn't ready to get up. Obviously only if we've got nowhere to go!!! 9/10 she will choose to get dressed and the 1/10 she's chosen to go back to bed she's got bored within 2 mins and got up and dressed. 2 year olds love to feel like they're making the decision so give her 2 choices to choose from.

SortAllTheThings Sat 31-Dec-16 17:38:47

Well, when my 2yo did this I just had to dress him anyway. He kept doing it before school and i didn't have time to let him run around. Kept calm, but just got him dressed. Luckily this was before he developed the ability to strip naked in 3 seconds flat hmmgrin

Telling him a few minutes beforehand that it was time to get dressed seemed to help. He's stopped it now. Whatever approach you go for, just be consistent

isthistoonosy Sat 31-Dec-16 17:38:50

I've the same child, if I'm in no hurry which generally I'm not as we have an hour to get ready even on weekday mornings before nursery for this very reason, I let her crack on and try eventually as she sees us all heading for the door she asks for help. If we are in a hurry both kids (also have a three year old) are just bundled into clothes and when that has meant pinning them down and wrestling a snowsuit on a child who is planking and spinning themselves over and over its been pretty interesting to say the least.

HecateAntaia Sat 31-Dec-16 17:39:10

Make them feel like they have choices and control. Have fun. Give them warning it's going to happen.

Do you want to wear x or y.
Let's get dressed then we can <insert nice thing>

give them notice that something is going to happen. So instead of walking in and announcing get dressed - we are going to do x then get dressed then do y. Allow them processing/transition time.

Dress the teddy oh x doesnt want to get dressed teddy. Let's get you dressed and we'll go to the park

or my favourite. Dress them wrong.
Pants on the head always worked well. Oh where do they go. No. Its a hat. Look. Let's put your socks on, hold out your hand...

There's lots of tricks you can use.

JoyfulAndTriumphant Sat 31-Dec-16 17:39:42

She just wanted to play with her toys and suit herself. She didn't want to take the time to get dressed.

It's the same with nappy changes. She will actually deny having a poo in her nappy because she knows I'll interrupt her playing to change it.

LIZS Sat 31-Dec-16 17:41:11

Start her trying to dress herself? So she puts her head through then you help with sleeves.

YoScienceBitch Sat 31-Dec-16 17:41:31

Mine has until the count of three to do as she says told or she goes to bed.

AntiQuitty Sat 31-Dec-16 17:41:56

I wouldn't have laid her down at that age.

Make getting dressed fun, peekaboo, counting socks as you put them on, clapping and yays for cooperation. Positive reinforcement.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Sat 31-Dec-16 17:42:48

I blow raspberries on her to calm my nearly two year old to make her laugh. It distracts her from her wilfulness 99% of the time.
As for socks, I sit her on my laptop do them and blow in her ear (gently) to keep her mind off why she doesn't want to get dressed.
I can sympathise as my toddler is fiercely independent deslite lacking the necessary skills and rather 'spirited'. grin

arethereanyleftatall Sat 31-Dec-16 17:42:51

Your second post changes everything.
You were going out for her enjoyment.
I would have said 'if you want to go out on your scooter you are getting your socks on. If you don't let me, we're not going. 1,2,3. '
And then not gone if she wasn't compliant.

elvis86 Sat 31-Dec-16 17:42:58

How was he being firm with her?

cherry what does that have to do with anything?

He's a man, so he's obviously abusing the child..hmm

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