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To never feel like doing much?

(17 Posts)
Papercaper Sat 31-Dec-16 17:05:26

I'm not sure what's wrong with me if anything - maybe it's just my personality? I do suffer from anxiety and depression to an extent but I'm not convinced it's really anything to do with that because at the moment I'm on medication and feeling much better.

I just find that I never feel much like doing anything, meeting people, going places etc. If I do make plans I generally want to cancel them and just stay home. It's so boring of me and I feel I'd like to change it this year, I'm thirty now and taking stock of my life I realise it's rather empty. I've let my social life disappear almost entirely and although I miss it in some ways, I'm quite content with my own company most of the time and would rather read a book or just potter around. I was invited to a New Year's Eve party but I just can't bring myself to make the effort to get ready and go. I'm sad aren't I?

Apart from socialising I lack motivation in many other areas and I just feel I'm underachieving and not really taking any part in life. I do work full time and have a four year old too but I've always been like it really.

Not sure if AIBU is the right place to post about it but is anyone else like this? Is it a problem, or am I making it a problem by comparing myself to other people? Is there any real hope of me changing significantly?

Georgiegirl23 Sat 31-Dec-16 17:27:33

Before I read the post the big depression alarm bells were going off but if you're being treated that's a start! You're not being unreasonable. You have a job and a child and as you say, you like to read - you have positive things in your life, so I reckon you're comparing yourself to others too much. Most people can't be arsed either, and after work and kids you're always knackered - but people don't post that all over FB like they do their running/partying/baking snaps.
I suffer from depression and often feel the same about social stuff but being an massive extrovert I force myself to go and usually end up enjoying myself. But It can be daunting, you're not the only one.

RedHelenB Sat 31-Dec-16 17:59:41

I know the feeling but usually if I make the effort I do enjoy myself.

KnittedBlanketHoles Sat 31-Dec-16 18:39:09

I feel the same but put it down to depression, in me. Even when on anti depressants I felt like it to an extent as although things never felt as terrible as whilst not on them, nothing felt as good or exciting either.

bunnylove99 Sat 31-Dec-16 18:48:01

YANBU. You work full time,look after a young child and like quiet time to yourself. We don't all need to be party animals. I do understand how you feel though. I'm a bit the same and dread invitations out, but like other posters here do usually enjoy them ok if I go. My kids are bit older than yours and i sometimes worry I should try harder at friendships now or maybe face lonely empty nest syndrome later. Do you like socialising one to one with friends? I think its groups of women that freak me out.

Papercaper Sat 31-Dec-16 22:31:34

Thanks for the replies.

I do like socialising one to one but unfortunately I don't know anyone locally due to having moved around a bit. All my friends are a couple of hours away at least and it just always seems like too much effort to go and see them, but I do feel disappointed in myself about that. I do wonder if it's depression but I don't really feel miserable, just apathetic about actually doing anything. I think part of it is just having a full time job and a child, and part of it is being quite shy and a bit of an introvert but it's at a point where I just feel my life is so lacking in fun and meaningful activity beyond the day to day, but I can't seem to force myself to change that.

Gomango Sat 31-Dec-16 22:47:08

Same here, work, housework etc not much time for anything else. Also like my own company and books. It just feels that i should be doing more with other people and my kids thinking mum has no mates! Trying to tell myself to ignore the 'shoulds' in my head this year. It is what it is. No interest in going out drinking. No cash for much else either! Hope 2017 is good for you smile

CurlsandCurves Sat 31-Dec-16 23:04:50

Some people get a buzz and recharge their batteries by being in the company of others. Other people (myself included) feel the same from being alone and are happy in their own company.

Personally yes I do go out with friends but only if I want to, I've tried over the years with various classes and stuff but I won't force myself.

Papercaper Sat 31-Dec-16 23:09:07

Thank you Gomango smile. You too!

haveacupoftea Sun 01-Jan-17 01:19:18

YANBU. I too am perfectly content pottering about the house, online, reading a book, watching TV or just staring into space. I see it as a positive thing that I am happy and content without always striving for the next party, dinner out, holiday, promotion. DP did worry that I was depressed but I had to tell him to give me the freedom to just be me. In the same way those social butterflies need freedom too.

Grindelwaldswand Sun 01-Jan-17 01:21:25

Me and DP suffer from anxiety and have this problem we'll plan lots of things to do and end up staying in bed till 12pm and not doing anything and then the regret of wasting a wonderful day sets in yet we do it over and over hmm we blame the anxiety as no matter how much we try get out of the cycle we can't angry its a rubbish feeling OP i know where your coming from

Ohdearducks Sun 01-Jan-17 01:35:39

I'm the same, I make plans and then the day comes and I feel like I'd rather die than go out. I rarely cancel because I hate letting people down and once I'm out im usually fine.
The thing is if I'm at home I feel like I'm wasting my days stuck in but usually when I go out I'm thinking of home. Sad sad sad.confused

GreatFuckability Sun 01-Jan-17 01:45:06

You sound very similar to me. Most of the time I'm perfectly happy in my own company, I don't get lonely etc. But I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Its not 'wrong' to not like socialising as long as it doesn't make you unhappy. Do YOU want to do more, or do you feel like other people think you should, because I have people trying to make me 'do things' because 'its fun' and 'you cant stay home all the time'......but that's their opinion.
If you feel like you need to put yourself out there more then by all means do it. But being happy alone doesn't make you sad or boring.

YouHadMeAtCake Sun 01-Jan-17 01:50:15

Me too OP. I dislike having any plans even if I made them or agreed and was looking forward to them. I usually cancel or try to but love it when they're cancelled for me grin

I like my home and pets and DH is the same.All DC have grown up and left. The older I get the less I like people or socializing. I like doing housework, hobbies , reading, tv etc. I find if I'm around people too often I feel drained and need to recharge alone . I'm perfectly happy this way.

northerngirl71 Sun 01-Jan-17 11:07:41

I feel the same OP , & often wonder as other posters say, if it's my depression (not currently on treatment. But coping) or just the fact that I'm busy with 2 jobs two DCs and housework . My jobs are very sociable and I have to put on an act & at other times I find socialising exhausting! However I do push myself to keep up with friends because I know if I didn't I would get more miserable . But I actively have to take steps to be that way - it's hard .
But it's how you feel - you can be guided by that and if you are happy with the way things are for you it's absolutely fine .

Lorelei76 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:20:10

I'm introverted and doing too much makes me anxious
I had a lovely NYE but to be honest I wanted the overnight guests gone by midday!!

RingInTheNew Sun 01-Jan-17 19:29:46

Introversion (if this is what your personality is) is greatly underrated IMO! Nobody should feel they 'ought' to do something, and unfortunately in our society being sociable and more on the extrovert end of the spectrum seems to be valued more greatly than being a quieter person who thrives being in their own company. Do what you feel like doing, not what you think other people think you should be doing!

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