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To think i can turn my life around in 2017

(14 Posts)
chipauchoc Sat 31-Dec-16 11:11:24

Hate this dark feeling, I've had enough of it. I'm determined that I'm going to start living again and not just existing for the sake of DCS.
The last 3 years have been full of ups and downs (mainly downs). Abusive marriage, broke up, acrimonious and stressful divorce, fell in love, the love of my life died, in my grief my self-obsessed family went NC with me, I have no real friends I can rely on or count on, and I feel desperately alone. I just feel right now like I wasnt meant to be loved, (aside from DCS) I'm incapable of being loved despite being a very loving and warm person. Every day is like trudging through mud, I know my mental health has deteriorated of late but to combat this I try to cling to staying grateful for what I have. Thankfully I have beautiful DCS who are happy and doing well, I also manage OK financially, (in saying that I'm in no way well off, I'm just incredibly frugal and careful with what comes in).
For my own sanity I have to get more sociable, maybe find a boyfriend or something too (however, online dating has been very underwhelming for me at best and has ripped out my self esteem at worst).
If anyone has any book recommendations of books that inspired you to turn your life around then please least me know. Any other advice on how to make 2017 the new start I need would be a great help for me right now.

alfagirl73 Sat 31-Dec-16 11:17:50

Read "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" - changed my life! Also read The Slight Edge - excellent book - about how small changes practised consistently add up and compound to result in big changes. :-)

artisanmincepiesonly Sat 31-Dec-16 11:39:55

Put aside (if possible) some money and promise yourself 6 months of therapy or alot of GPs/charities offer free therapy. You don't have to be at breaking point, it's just making some time and space for yourself. It'll be worth much more than a 1000 books I promise.

Mandiba Sat 31-Dec-16 11:52:06

You sound like a lovely person chip and I think you are doing really well considering the rollercoaster you've been on in the last year.

Firstly you have wonderful children who by the sounds of it are happy & content. You are obviously a very good mother to them.
Kids are wonderful at showing us unconditional love so hang on to all those hugs and kisses. Those are what matter the most.

You are doing good with money & clearly have good money management skills despite not having a lot. An achievement in itself.

As for your family, you can't change them so the best thing you can do is concentrate on your lovely children and yourself.

As for books,
The worry trick by David Carbonell is excellent.

Good luck chip & I hope you find love & joy in 2017 & remember everyone is deserving of love 💗

ClashCityRocker Sat 31-Dec-16 12:01:23

Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with flowers

What makes you happy (other than your dcs - that shines through in your post)?

On another thread, someone mentioned rather than having vague resolutions such as 'sort my life out' or 'lose weight' have something measurable and achievable. So rather than 'get fit' have 'run 500km in total'.

LiveLifeWithPassion Sat 31-Dec-16 12:09:32

You've been through a lot and it's good that you want to start to focus on yourself.
What are your interests? Do you have any specific goals for the next year?

Try to find groups in your area. Depending on your area, you can find groups for most interests.

chipauchoc Sat 31-Dec-16 12:47:20

What makes me happy?? that's a good question clash I've not thought of it before, I actually don't know what makes me happy. To busy focusing on what makes others happy is my problem. I guess creating things and countryside is up there. Maybe I should join an art and rambling class?
livelife goals to focus on - I need to think of this too, weight, relaxing, and socialising need to be up there. As well as exercising and getting the house straight and tidy.
mandiba you brought tears to my eyes, I'm really not used to having such lovely things said to me, thank you so much. flowers
Artisan therapy is great and I have had some but shame it costs so much, why do we still have to pay for mental health treatment? Yet treatment for bodily ailments and disease are free. So unfair.
Alfa thanks for the recommendations will try them out, they look great.

Manumission Sat 31-Dec-16 12:56:58

Of course you can if you want to. You've had a rough few years and deserve better times flowers

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Sat 31-Dec-16 13:24:34

Yes you can.
Just take small steps one at a time.
very best of luck to you.
I want to make a few changes myself. Well done for voicing yours.
You are not alone. flowers

LiveLifeWithPassion Sat 31-Dec-16 14:58:31

I did a life coaching session a few years back when I felt nothing was sorted in my life.
This is one way of trying to sort out your life -
Title some pages in a notebook with these titles;
Spirituality (I took this as anything that 'feeds' my spirit like hobbies, reading, walking. It doesn't have to be religious)

List goals for each section.
Write down how you are going to achieve each goal. Be aware of anything that's stopping you from achieving them and how you can overcome it.

GiantHulkHands Sat 31-Dec-16 15:49:57

You can do it OP. You can do anything you want to. Good luck xx

chipauchoc Mon 02-Jan-17 08:57:25

livelife what a brilliant idea. I will definitely do this. Did you find the life coaching helpful? Would you recommend?
Thanks for encouragement giant, jjoey and manu 👍

LiveLifeWithPassion Mon 02-Jan-17 11:28:02

I did the life coaching session myself from a book. It was years ago and I can't remember the title.

I'm quite a proactive person and quite practically minded so I had no problems doing it myself.

I would definitely recommend it and it really helped me to focus my mind as I was so overwhelmed.

You could try Amazon for life coaching books. See which ones have the best reviews. Good luck!

SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 02-Jan-17 11:32:01

It wasn't a book that turned my life around (despite good support network I still had anxiety / depression / panic attacks / issues with food) it was joining a really friendly running club.

The first time going was so, so hard but I persevered because I was determined that I wouldn't be a victim to my own negative feelings. I'm so glad I did. I've made a few lovely friends, I've got something to look forward to a couple of times a week and I'm reaping the rewards of building my fitness.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do flowers

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