Been with dh for 15 years we have 2 beautiful girls 10yo and 4mo
We've had our ups and downs but everything is now very fantastic .... we've had our long awaited second child thanks to fertility treatment and have felt happiest I've been in a long time. (Still have rows but who doesn't?)
Anyway about 6-7 years ago an ex boyfriend (not serious) contacted me on fb and at the time me and dh were not in a good place, rowing all the time , not good financially, I wasn't happy at all. I don't think dh was either.
Anyway, these messages with ex went on for about a week, mostly just general chit chat and him being a bit flirty telling me I looked good in my pics etc (massive confidence boost for me) I can't actually remember the whole conversation as it was so long ago and it meant nothing to me. Anyway fast forward to a few weeks ago I went to a cousins children's birthday party and this ex was there with his children , turns out he's friends with my cousins dh all fine, I said hello and that was that. however now I'm worried that he's told cousins dh about our fb exchange all those years ago. And let me say now , cousins dh is a massive gossiper and would love to have this information about me.
When I visited their house last week to exchange xmas presents we was taking about face book in general (I'm no longer on it , haven't been for 4 years) and then cousins dh said , facebook is evil and a family wrecker while staring directly at me. Now I don't know weather I'm being paroinoid but I thought he was implying that he knew about mine and ex fb messages.
I felt quite freatened. Now I'm so worried that cousins dh will somehow make sure my dh finds out and I know for a fact our whole marriage will be over. My dh hates social media and we have had countless rows about it. I know for a fact that that would be it. Now I'm worried.
Am I looking too much into it ???
What should I do??
Why does your dh hate FB so much? Why would your marriage be over?
Because we've had numorous rows about social media because he's quite jelous that any old person can contact me. He feels so strongly about it and it's the only thing that he stands by very strongly. I deleted my account because an old school friend (male) private messaged me 'hi sexy ' he thought that there had been more messages that I'd deleted , (I hadn't) , he still goes on about it now. So this would just tip him over . Even though I had no intention of doing anything it was merely just a confidence boost for me
You haven't actually done anything wrong, you replied to a few messages from an old friend/ex. Nothing happened.
I know that but because I've kept it from him and now if he finds out it makes me look like I've been hiding something don't you think?
Also I feel gutted for my dh and now people know something he doesn't and I feel like I've mugged him off. I just feel sad about the whole thing.
Tell your husband calmly and explain the context. Prevents anyone dropping you in it. Delete your social media accounts.
Well if you haven't even been on it for 4 years, I would forget it really. If it does come up, say it was nothing or you can't remember. Your ex is very unlikely to have said anything anyway, as he now has his own family to consider. Sound like your DH has trust issues
Because the area where we are from people know everyone's business and would love to stir a bit of trouble , I should have known better. But we've moved on so much from the time of those messages , it seems silly to bring it all up now.
The issue here is your husband. You've done nothing wrong at all and I feel you're panicking unnecessarily. Honestly don't stress ... but do, at some point, think about the fact that your husband sounds like he's got jealousy problems and that needs nipping in the bud.
You're married but that doesn't mean you can't chat to who you bloody well like, he doesn't get to dictate that
Ex is now a single dad and was really staring at me at the party , he kept hovering round me to chat but I never made eye contact so didn't wanna encourage him. But I'm worried that him seeing me has brought up any old feelings he may of had and might try to act of them? Maybe I'm looking too deep into it. It's just that everything in my life is perfect at the moment and if I didn't have this to worry about I would be so happy right now. Even if the marriage wasn't over after dh found out he would never be the same. He's very old fashioned
Try push it out of your head. You're not on facebook, you did nothing wrong anyway and your husbands jealousy is his own problem. Its highly unlikely your ex has said anything.
This being blown out of proportion because of your DHs insecurity.
If he'd end your marriage over it, then I'd question whether you should have parted during the bad patch, tbh.
He brings it up now, six years and two children on? That's not normal and something that you shouldn't put up with.
If it does get bought up, I'd leave out the flirty bit, deny it and start to assert yourself.
The Cousin would get told straight and I'd ask your DH why the issue is with you talking to someone, does he have so little opinion of you that he thinks you drop your knickers for anyone who messages you?
That a low opinion to have of Women, especially with two DDs who will want to use SM.
And don't take Losts advice! 'Tell your husband calmly ' err WTF? Tell him what exactly? And then ' delete your social media accounts' WHY? Are you in the 1950s?
If you'd been chatting with sexual overtones or planning to meet for a shag then yeah, that's a different matter
But a few messages, for a few months, years ago with an old ex? Honestly, nobody 'normal' would care. My husband would just look blankly at me and ask what on earth I was telling him for.
X post, your life is far from perfect, in reality.
You probably need to just stop being silly now. I know that sounds condescending but this reads like something and nothing to me
Agree with Birds. You've got some massive problems in your marriage and this ex thing isn't one of them
I definitely wouldn't consider a life with a husband who didn't trust me with social media to be anything approaching perfect.
Haven't you posted this exact same thread before?
It was 4 years ago, your account has been deleted, you did nothing wrong (assuming you've been 100% truthful about the content of the message exchange), there is absolutely no proof now anyway.
Personally I'd be more worried about living with a man who dictates what sort of social media you can/can't use.
I know it all sounds silly. But I just needed other people's opinions. Yes my dh is jealous but other than that he's really a lovely man and dad. It honestly would break his heart to think that I needed atttenion from someone else even if it was only in the form of some innocent messages. I was thinking maybe just deny all knowledge of this ?? I am not on fb anymore , and the messages meant nothing so why would I upset him over harmless messages? Even though that means I'd have to lie ?
Why are you allowing his jealousy to become your problem?
What steps has this really lovely man taken, to prevent his problem affecting your life?
other peoples opinions of what?
if you shack up with a controlling whack job but are under the impression that he's a brilliant partner and are so anxious about him finding out about a non-event of a FB chat you had years ago then there's not a lot a bunch of people on the internet can do for you is there?
Bet he's got Facebook for himself ...
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