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to be having a wobble 6 years after hubby had a vasectomy?

(16 Posts)
Soscared100 Sat 31-Dec-16 08:59:59

Breif background is that we have 2 children, a son of 8 and a daughter of 6.
They are very close and get on well the majority of the time.
We were so sure we didn't want more than 2 that hubby had the snip just before our daughter turned 1.
We don't have lots of spare money, we have a 3 bed property which we rent for £1300 a month and no hope of buying anytime soon / ever.
I work term time so only a small income and my husband works full time earning a good wage but after the rent and bills and running 2 cars the money is soon gone.
All of a sudden I'm having a panic that I'll never have another child even though my head says that it wouldn't work anyway, it would be a really big gap for a new child and I doubt he / she would ever really " fit in " with my current two now.
One of them would have to share a room and nursery fees would probably mean there would be no point in me working ( I only went back once mine were at school so avoided nursery costs before )
Husband says I'm greedy, we have 2 healthy happy children who have all they need and most of what they want and I would regret it if we had another.

Soscared100 Sat 31-Dec-16 12:52:24

I actually know I am after reading that back

ijustwannadance Sat 31-Dec-16 12:54:51

How old are you? Is it more a panic of getting older than actually wanting another child?

liz70 Sat 31-Dec-16 13:02:15

You would definitely both need to be in agreement on this. We haven't regretted our decision - VR 5 years DH's vasectomy, DD3 born 3 1/2 years later, when the older DDs were 10 and 9 - but we both wanted it. The fact that your DH isn't on board, along with the economical reasons you've cited, give you your answer, I think.

hyperhypermum Sat 31-Dec-16 13:09:51

No, I wouldn't given the circs you've described. Another baby would bring you more stress than joy x

Wookiecookies Sat 31-Dec-16 13:11:29

YABVU to expect him to go through another surgical procedure when you had already agreed on it the first time sorry OP. sad

Soscared100 Sat 31-Dec-16 16:40:50

I agree
I'm 35 so not sure if it's an age thing or not

PuntasticUsername Sat 31-Dec-16 16:43:17

It doesn't sound as if another child is likely to be the right decision for your family now, for all the reasons you list? I wouldn't label your feelings "greedy", though, I think they're very understandable.

flooeed Sat 31-Dec-16 16:46:05

I can totally identify with this. Just keep telling myself that just because I want something doesn't make it a good decision.

Age gaps would be too big, house and car too small, we'd be too old and tired for a newborn etc etc

I watched 19 kids and counting and that helped!

PuntasticUsername Sat 31-Dec-16 16:49:30

"just because I want something doesn't make it a good decision" - I think that's a really good way of thinking about it. You're acknowledging how you feel, but at the same time acknowledging that you shouldn't just go with those feelings necessarily.

Yoarchie Sat 31-Dec-16 17:04:00

It's just a wobble. In your position (similar to mine) hell would freeze over before I had another baby!

RandomMess Sat 31-Dec-16 17:06:36

It's a wobble and yes I think it is partly your age, your clock is ticking!!!

septembersunshine Sat 31-Dec-16 17:10:30

I can totally relate. We had a 10, 8 and 7 year old and at 36 I got incredibly broody. Dh got on board (we talked about a V but he never had one) and now we have a 4th dc. He is 4 months old now. Life is hectic. We are poorer and feel older (and I am shattered!) but he is absolutely amazing and balances our family perfectly. He has bought all of us so much joy. I love being on maternity leave and having this special time one last time. I would say yanbu but you both have to want this badly because another baby will turn things upside down. Maybe you need things shaken up op? I felt I did.

GreenTureen Sat 31-Dec-16 17:20:56

It's nice to read about bigger age gaps working out September. We have ds1 and ds2 who will be 9 and 7 when ds3 arrives in May.

It was completely unplanned and took us a couple of months to get our head around it! But my main worry is how to manage a bigger gap practically - with ds1 and 2 it's easy because they're so similar in age and tend to be into the same things and activities anyway.

minipie Sat 31-Dec-16 17:36:01


I wonder if you've forgotten/have rose tinted spectacles of what babies and toddlers are really like... I am just coming out of the baby stage (4yo and nearly 2yo), we are exhausted from years of night wakings, teething, back to back colds, tantrums and our house is full of plastic... I am so looking forward to having an 8 and 6 year old!

Soscared100 Sat 31-Dec-16 20:55:34

Hi all and thanks for replying
I do think it's a bit of an age thing as well as rose tinted glasses as of course they have their moments but they are quite independent in lots of ways now and have slept through the night for a long time so I know it wouldn't work out for us especially with my husband really being very happy and content with our two and in any talks we have had my daughter is very upset about the prospect - son is far more laid back and said " do what makes you happy mum " but I think the negatives outweigh the positives

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