I previously had a reasonable relationship with my brother and his now ex wife but this deteriorated over the last 10 years altho still not sure why. I have broached the subject in the past but never found out the reason. Anyway I've stayed distant over the last few years as he has the ability to upset me and I decided that he was selfish....only appearing when he wanted something he also does this to our parents. M&D have been upset by him on many an occasion but he just doesn't seem to see it. No birthday cards Mother's Day cards sent. Anyway 2 years ago him and his wife split and I was at this point still buying for his children and asked him where he wanted me to leave presents as he had moved out. He said he'd let me know but never did. Presents remained wrapped at my house. The following year no presents were exchanged and no contact part from the odd comment or like on Facebook. This year he invited my M&D for a meal over Xmas and he sent back with them a present for me and hubby and £30 each for my 2 boys. The present for me is clearly something he's been given but I feel wound up that he has left me in a position that I've not sent his children anything. I've not rung him or spoken to him but I will get the boys to send a thank you card as I would do for others they have received gifts from. My mum even tho he has brought her so much heartache says I'm being mean and she thinks he is trying to make up for not being in touch but I'm sceptical and had reconciled myself to things as they were. Am I being unreasonable.....obviously there is a lot I've not said but would appreciate an unconnected persons views.
Could you test the waters by phoning him to thank him? Have an actual conversation? If he says something to upset you you can put the phone down but you won't really know if its an olive branch through one-way communication.
Re present he'd clearly passed on, was it still a reasonable present and how do you know it was passed on? Just ascertaining if it was a ooh Lou will like this or a uhh I don't want this anymore pass along
It was a Spode salad bowl and matching salad tongs......a stag pattern ...not something I would choose ..and probably a gift he's been given when he moved into his new house.
I suppose I'm just trying to protect myself from another further hurt by not letting him back in. I've spent many days over the years trying to understand and being upset by his actions and I suppose in a way I'd moved on and accepted the situation and was ok with it. Now he's thrown a curve ball and I'm unsettled by it.
How old are his children? It seems a bit odd to me that an Aunt would stop acknowledging her nephew(s) and/or niece(s) birthdays/christmas, just because their parents had separated.
(sorry, realise that's not the point of your thread)
Are his children living in the old family home with their mother? If so, you could srnd gifts to them directly or post them to your brother to pass on to them. Your relationship with your dn shouldn't fall by the wayside because you are estranged from your brother. As others have said contact your brother, get your dn's address and cut the call short if he gets difficult.
Accept the gift in the spirit it was given and you can always sell it on and buy something else with it.
Its a pain, but just nip out, buy him a bottle of something. Put £ in a card for kids wishing them all the best for 2017, give to DM.
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