I recently (last month) discovered that a small scar on the back of my neck is actually a very old, degraded UV tattoo. It's only visible under a black-light. In normal light, it's a barely-perceptible scar that you have to really work to see. Under UV light, however, it fluoresces a faint bluish-white and clearly spells out the word "mine" in letters that are about three-quarters of an inch tall.
It was put there when I was eleven (over 30 years ago) by a very disturbed (and possessive!) relative by what I think is called a "poke and stick" method. At the time, I didn't really understand what was happening, and it was only last month, after a routine visit to a dermatologist, that I finally put together that it was a UV tattoo.
On the one hand, I feel fucked up about having been so blatantly marked as a possession, without my knowledge or consent, and in such a permanent way. I feel creeped out, violated, embarrassed -- and like somehow something important was stolen from me and I've only just now figured it out. It also gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies in a more general sense to think of a grown man doing that to a little girl.
On the other hand, I keep thinking it shouldn't matter: It's basically invisible; I've gone this long without even knowing about it; and unless I make a point of dragging people off into dark corners and whipping out a black-light, no one else ever even needs to know it's there. My childhood was a bit of a hot mess, but things evened out and for many years now I've had a happy life, full of love and laughter and contentment. Nothing I do now is going to change what happened back then, so what's the point of even fussing over it?
I go back and forth between "So what?" and "OMG this is horrible!" Sometimes it seems like in comparison to other stuff in my early years, this is just a stupid tame thing, and other times it feels more awful than the other, more dramatic (or more obviously abusive), stuff. I'm not in a giant emotional crisis over it or anything, but I am struggling with finding a way to frame it.
I'm also trying to figure out what, if anything, I should do. I mean, I'm not going to do anything right away. I think I need to let my feelings sort themselves out before I stampede off into some solution or reaction that I might regret later on, ha. But it's been six weeks and my feelings are still all over the place.
Any advice, insights, words of wisdom? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? How would you feel?
AIBU?
To feel ambivalent about this "invisible" tattoo?
TheOtherGalen · 30/12/2016 23:29
Does the arsehole have a gravestone?
Cos I'm thinking a sharpie and "no I fucking wasn't, arsehole" across it would be one interim option.
No, you're not odd for struggling with how to feel with and deal with this. It's a horrible thing.
I admire that there is clearly a part of you that feels you don't have to act because it (and he) have no power. None at all. It is just a scar, from something that happened in your life.
But personally, I would have it cut out. Not for me the reclamation with cover tattoos, personally - though I think for the right person it's a great suggestion.
Good luck however you proceed 
As you do like the idea of a new word (Minerva is great!) there are lots of websites that suggest words with certain words in - because of Scrabble! 
I like: determined
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TheOtherGalen I am so sorry this sounds truly horrific.
I have no idea what I would do in your shoes but I think I would try and access some counselling to process the feelings. You need someone who understands abusive pasts and can really advise you the best ways to work through this aspect of it.
I think I would want to know what a medical prognosis was, is there any danger in keeping this, (as I understand there may be issues around UV tattoos).
So is there a larger danger of keeping it, or a larger danger of having 'treatment' to remove it?
Would having a tattoo to cover it be helpful? If you decide it may be can you have a temporary tattoo done first to make sure this really will bring you peace.
Or might you feel that by tattooing you first he forced you to have a tattoo later in life that you did not really want?
One area you could look into after counselling is creating a ritual to move through this sadness, I cannot think how else to say it. This is the kind of thing linked to what people do when they lose a loved one, or lose a baby to miscarriage. The child in this case would be your own childhood/innocence/agency in the choice of not getting a tattoo etc.
I would not recommend doing this alone but a skilled counseller may be able to help.
For example you may choose to plant a tree or do something significant as a way of riding yourself of the sad emotions attached to this horrible tattoo which was forced onto you.
If you felt this worked you may not feel the need to undergo medical treatment (unless it was advised) and may find this is the preferable route.
If this did not work, you could still go on and pursue a new tattoo or removal.
This is just an idea, not something I have tried personally, and I must stress again it would come at the end of counselling and as part of that with someone who was trained in helping people move on from a difficult past.
Please remember you do have the 'last laugh' if it is appropriate to say this, on this evil man. He died shortly after doing this wicked thing and you are alive and well.
By all means seek medical and counselling help but please do not allow this evil man to affect you still. What he did was wrong, and he is now dead; you are alive and well and have many good things in your life.
Do not allow him to steal your joy! Find a way forward. He is not worth it. You are worth so much more.
Bless you. 
Exposing things to the light can be painful but I do feel it can be useful too. I mean the emotions you experienced.
If you choose a word, I like the word free or freedom. Google how it look sin Hebrew, quite pretty and 4 letters.
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