Name changed for this... please be kind.
3 years ago around this time of year I had an abortion, it was an accidental conception and I was on the pill. I was around 6-7 weeks when I had the medical termination.
At the time I was with an emotionally abusive partner (I didn't realise the abuse until after and I have since been enlightened to what a loving relationship is)
When I found out I was pregnant he forced me to tell my parents (the day I found out - I was 20 at the time so wanted to think about everything before talking to them) by simply telling my dad I was pregnant.
Long story short I can't really remember the conversations that followed... my partner at the time half heartedly kept saying that he would stand by whatever decision I made, although I feel like he just said it because it was kind of the right thing to say at the time.
On the day of the abortion I was emotional to say the least, my ex partner and I had an argument that morning over something trivial and he very kindly said he would 'stay with me for today but would leave me as soon as I'd had the abortion - I.e end it with me'
He took me to the clinic and left me and then picked me up when it was 'done'
I couldn't stop crying that night and he told me to 'shut up because he had work in the morning'
I never really got full closure from this, it was never really mentioned after the day it happened, I cried now and again and he said that it was the right decision but nothing else.
We didn't stay together for too long after as I'd found out he had cheated on me a year before and he started to get physically abusive. It was a quick break up and I literally went from seeing him every day and living with him to absolutely nothing and we've had no contact since.
This time of year I just feel myself mulling over everything and the fact that my baby would have been 3 now... I feel guilt constantly because of how quick it was decided and happened.
The words 'I'll stand by what YOU decide' ring in my ears because I feel responsible and awful that I couldn't have this child.
I see things on tv about people trying to conceive and feel awful that I had that and let it go.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say I just wondered if anyone has any advice or has been in this position?
My current partner knows what happened but not what time of year etc it was and I wouldn't want to say as we have our own lo now and I don't want old memories of my past relationships being brought up.
I feel like I'll never get past it.
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To think I'll never really get over this...
71 replies
Superfizz · 30/12/2016 23:27
OP posts:
Ditsy4 ·
30/12/2016 23:52
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