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To be sick of my step kids and their rudeness and disrespect.

(392 Posts)
HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:19:27

I feel like crying this evening. Please tell me if it's me overreacting or not.

So my two stepchildren stepson 16 nearly 17 and step daughter 15 are very sporty and along with my dh they go for runs and the gym. During the holidays they have been doing some kind of sporting activity every morning.

My ds is of a similar age and is not very active, however I encouraged him to join in on the activities yesterday and today. Yesterday they left my ds behind will our running (this is dh as well). So eventually because it is a lap around the local park they caught up with him. My ds has always struggled with sporting activities. Ds told me my step kids made made bitchy and out right nasty comments about how he can't run and how he needs to lose weight. These weren't said in front of dh but were said. I could tell it really got to my ds as he started crying when he told me earlier today (he doesn't always share how he feels.

We went out as a family earlier to the shops. We were to leave my dh has to to tell my step daughter off because she said to me "your going out like this". I was wearing no makeup and had decided I could not be bothered to put any on today. Dh made her apologise, I acceapted this apology.

While out I notice how she is rude everytime my ds tries to make conversation with her. He will try and speak to her but she will simply give a pissed off look and will just reply with one word answers. This is true of me as well.

My dd got in trouble after she insulted my family to her mother. She called me and my family money grabbing and that I'm only with her dad for his money. This is simply not true I work as well. However that was a long time ago.

However she said something really snobby about the part of town most of my family are from and where I lived before dh. I said to her back "not everyone that lives there is a criminal, chav, or on benefits". I then said well I'm from there and I've never committed a crime or claimed a benefit and I'm not a chav. She started sniggering along with stepson when I said this. My dh was away in the toilet when she said this at the restaurant, but I told him and he asked her and stepson about this and they both lied. So it was my son and my word against them. I let this go and I honestly can't be asked to argue with a fifteen year old.

My ds entered the bathroom while my step daughter was getting out the bath. She had not closed the door or locked it. He was naked as he was about to get in the bath. Ds left as soon as he saw her and she wasn't naked as she was wearing her dressing gown.

However later that evening I hear her making a fuss. She began to insult my ds about his body and was getting really nasty. I come in the room to find my ds crying and my stepson laughing. I told stepdaughter to go to room. To which she began to insult me and my ds and she called me dumb, bitch, jealous of her, money grabbing, chav, fat etc etc. I was close to tears and my ds was crying in the other room.

Dh intervenes and by this point ds had told
Me about the running incident. I was really annoyed and was expecting dh to take my side.

Guess what he comes and says that I need to apolgise to both stepchildren. He also said I had made dd cry.

This point my stepson comes in and begins to insult me as well in front of dad.

Then all of a sudden stepson out of the blue invited 3 friends round. Turns out dad had allowed them and given them money to get pizza.

I'm just sick of this, they get away with it because they lie to their dad and play the victim. They make me out to be a big horrible step mum and I'm not. I'm a step mum that doesn't want to be insulted all day and my ds be builled and have his privacy interfered with.

The bathroom thing I get why step daughter would be annoyed and I've done it with her before as she doesn't close the door. But today and yesterday me and ds don't deserve this.

Her and to a lesser extend stepsons behaviour has been so bad the last couple of months. It's been bad since we told them that we are expecting another child.

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:19:35

So aibu.

Bleurghghghgh Fri 30-Dec-16 19:25:23

How old are they?

CannotEvenDeal Fri 30-Dec-16 19:26:07

In short, no Yanbu but you might get more responses on the actual step parenting section.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It sounds like attention seeking from the dsc in reaction to this tbh though.

Cheaploopaper Fri 30-Dec-16 19:26:12

DH needs to back you up. Probably trying to keep the peace but it's not good enough and will just lead to them getting worse and worse. Yeah step kids need time to adjust, they need to heal, etc etc I can hear people saying that in posts below. They are brats, YANBU at all, your DH is BU.

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:26:33

Sorry I forgot to add we are currently not on speaking terms. They keep getting friends to get plates or cups from kitchen.

The money is a problem, we are comfortable, but dh gives them money even when they have been bad. But that is up to him but in my opinion it means they don't have to change their behaviour.

CannotEvenDeal Fri 30-Dec-16 19:26:50

OP says they're teens. Old enough to know better imo.

Salmotrutta Fri 30-Dec-16 19:27:30

I think maybe your last sentence sheds some light on this - are they perhaps reacting to the baby news?

They do sound rude though - they shouldn't be making fun of your son and being horrible to him.

Someone with advice will be along soon I hope.

happypoobum Fri 30-Dec-16 19:29:09

I wouldn't put my DS through another day of this, sorry. flowers

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:29:33

I think the baby news has made them worse.

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 30-Dec-16 19:31:00

No yanbu. Kids can be nasty though teenagers should know better, but the lack of respect or support from your DH would be a dealbreaker for me. You have a duty to protect your own son, his home should be a place where he feels safe and happy and if your DH can't make that happen you ought to reconsider your living arrangements IMO

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:31:05

I wouldn't put my DS through another day of this, sorry. flowers

I agree it's not continuing at all.

FishlessCake Fri 30-Dec-16 19:31:51

I really feel for your ds sad yanbu

Salmotrutta Fri 30-Dec-16 19:32:24

Your DH really needs to step up here I think.

What's your and DHs relationship like with their mother?

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:34:19

He does, he feels a lot of guilt when it comes to stepson and step daughter. They know how to make him feel guilty as well. So when he does stand up to them they will say stuff to mum or not visit, this makes dh not stand up to them, thus allowing them to get away with horrible behaviour.

Pineapplemilkshake Fri 30-Dec-16 19:34:26

That is horrendous, your poor DS. If it were me I would leave, no way would I let my DS be subjected to that. Is leaving a possibility for you?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 30-Dec-16 19:36:05

You need to get tough or leave tbh. How long will it be before they start all this shit on the new baby. Are they worried that their inheritance is gonna be smaller?

HannahSmithson45 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:37:23

What's your and DHs relationship like with their mother?

Not good, their mother is very very difficult. She has a sense of superiority. She insults me in front of the stepchildren. She also knows how to blackmail dh.

FrankAndBeans Fri 30-Dec-16 19:39:46

Why was your son walking naked to the bathroom? Obviously the rest isn't on and YANBU. Your OH needs to actually parent though.

shockthemonkey Fri 30-Dec-16 19:41:56

I'd come down on stepchildren and dh like a ton of bricks. This has to stop now and gentle admonishment are not enough. Monetary consequences pdq. What is this thing about their friends getting cups and plates from the kitchen though? Don't understand that bit at all

TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 30-Dec-16 19:43:07

Also, I'd boot the friends out until they (Stepkids) learnt some bloody respect

OohhThatsMe Fri 30-Dec-16 19:47:38

They sound bloody horrible and I wouldn't want to subject my son to them.

WhiteStars Fri 30-Dec-16 19:50:08

I feel sorry for you and your son. I would leave I couldn't put my son through bullying in his own home to the point where he is in tears.

LaurieMarlow Fri 30-Dec-16 19:50:47

They sound like absolute brats OP. Your poor DS.

Things have to change and fast. I'd be sitting down with DH and agreeing a set of ground rules that will come into play immediately. And agree the consequences if they're not kept to.

Your DH absolutely has to step up and be firm on this one, for the sake of the whole family. Be clear to him what the consequences will be for him if he isn't (I.e. what action you and your DS will take).

Time to be tough.

Spice22 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:51:07

Please put your son first here (your 'D'H is clearly only thinking of his first two children). Either insist he backs you up (and tell him HOW) or leave. You can't allow your son to be bullied in his own home - he needs to know that you will protect him and choose him.

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