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AIBU?

To think asking someone if their family support Trump is insulting?

40 replies

ethelb · 30/12/2016 18:32

My MIL (sorry, and yes there is back story) asked sneerily if my American family support Donald Trump, when we were staying there over Christmas.

I answered that she had met them before (liberal east coasters who are very nice) and knew that wasn't true.

She and BIL (who was also there) immediately got very defensive and snapped there was no way they could have known my family's political persuasion and that they had every right to ask.

I think they were being deliberately rude. DH begs to differ.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

whyohwhy000 · 30/12/2016 18:34

If it just came up in conversation about politics, then YABU.

If she asked it at random, then YANBU.

Cherryskypie · 30/12/2016 18:35

Smile and ask if she supports UKIP?

WrongTrouser · 30/12/2016 18:36

How did the "sneerily" manifest itself?

icanteven · 30/12/2016 18:43

Don't put too much thought into it. DH's (American) family asked if we supported Brexit. DH was a bit .

Being married to an American, I imagine you are very well informed re. what's going on with Trump etc, but if you don't have a vested interest and you are not very well informed on international politics or goings-on, you might not automatically know that liberal East Coaster are obv. not going to support Trump.

Bear in mind that there are perfectly articulate and nice Mumsnetters who don't know who the PM here is. Not everybody knows about the world around them.

On the other hand, your MIL might just be a bit of a bitch, in which case the UKIP questions in return are reasonable.

icanteven · 30/12/2016 18:44

Sorry - you're the American one, not your DH.

ethelb · 30/12/2016 18:54

The UKIP questions would have sent her absolutely nuclear, as she is an EU national who takes the Leave vote as a personal attack from the 'stupid Brits'. I don't know if that would have been a good idea on Christmas Eve

MIL lived on the east cost of the US briefly.

OP posts:

WrongTrouser · 30/12/2016 18:55

I think it would be better if people did feel able to ask other people how they voted re Trump and Brexit. I think the fact that it's getting to the point people can't talk about is is really unhealthy.

WrongTrouser · 30/12/2016 18:57

Possibly not at Christmas family gatherings though

msrisotto · 30/12/2016 18:58

You can't assume these things though. I would be horrified if someone thought I voted for Brexit but half my family did! Trump and Brexit have significant support so it's not an unreasonable question. Someone voted for them!

ethelb · 30/12/2016 18:58

Wrongtrouser is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?

I have a feeling that wouldn't go down well (and is more likely to be true than liberal east coasters voting for Trump).

OP posts:

Evergreen777 · 30/12/2016 18:59

A lot of Brits can't really figure out how any person can vote for Trump. So they've meet your family and they seem nice, but probably all the Americans they've meet seem nice too. So they realise that there must be something they don't understand about Americans, cause half of them did vote for Trump. So they're confused. I wouldn't take it personally - it's harder to understand the politics of a very different country

cheekyfunkymonkey · 30/12/2016 19:02

I think it's a bit rude to be asking directly about anyone's political persuasions full stop. Don't get me wrong I love talking politics and am happy to have political conversations but believe people should volunteer the information, ditto with religion and sex!

PuntasticUsername · 30/12/2016 19:04

"is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?"

That's REALLY not a good comparison to asking people about their own, current political beliefs and actions.

Clandestino · 30/12/2016 19:05

It is rude. I have no problem having political discussions but I certainly don't ask people who and how they voted. That's idiotic.

WrongTrouser · 30/12/2016 19:06

I get very annoyed when people assume I voted remain. Not because I think voting remain is any thing to be ashamed of (the same for voting leave) but because it is an assumption. I would rather people just asked. None of us in the UK should be ashamed of how we voted. Same in the states.

ethelb · 30/12/2016 19:08

Why Puntastic? Because I have sooo much influence over the voting habits of family 4,000 miles away, who live in a democracy with a secret ballot?

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/12/2016 19:09

Wrongtrouser is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?

Don't be absurd.

As much as I would be happy to see him dead detest the man, Trump won a democratic election.

WrongTrouser · 30/12/2016 19:09

Although I think funkymonkey has it right - you can have a conversation in a way which invites people to say how they voted, if they want to. Probably better than asking. But just launching into a conversation assuming the other person agrees with you without any attempt to check is a no-no in my book.

ethelb · 30/12/2016 19:11

Verybitchyrestingface I really don't want this to descend into Godwin's Law, but so did Hitler.

OP posts:

birdybirdywoofwoof · 30/12/2016 19:13

Um don't be absurd- you know hitler was elected, right, Very bitchy!?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/12/2016 19:15

Verybitchyrestingface I really don't want this to descend into Godwin's Law, but so did Hitler.

That depends on who you ask, but until such times as Trump commits genocide, I think it's safe to say the comparison is not valid.

I think you summed up the whole issue perfectly in your opening line:

My MIL (sorry, and yes there is back story)

Hellochicken · 30/12/2016 19:21

No I don't think they were rude to ask. I try and give people the benefit of the doubt. If half American's voted for him then they can ask! How could they know which way they voted? From the media it appears many Americans didn't want to vote for Hillary.

Nice people voted for Donald Trump. Half of America can't be not nice.

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birdybirdywoofwoof · 30/12/2016 19:23

I would have been insulted too, op. It sounds like you feel your mil was making a jibe.

Scaffleen · 30/12/2016 19:27

It's incredible how many British people don't understand the whole Trump thing. I told my mum that my American step mum was absolutely devastated by Trump winning. She was shocked. She actually said Hillary would be just as bad. No mum she wouldn't...

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/12/2016 19:38

She didn't ask if you did but some of your family

I have family that are what I thought liberal minded but the idea of them being able to keep even more of their very large amount of wealth appealed to them so they voted Trump

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