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To think asking someone if their family support Trump is insulting?

(41 Posts)
ethelb Fri 30-Dec-16 18:32:28

My MIL (sorry, and yes there is back story) asked sneerily if my American family support Donald Trump, when we were staying there over Christmas.

I answered that she had met them before (liberal east coasters who are very nice) and knew that wasn't true.

She and BIL (who was also there) immediately got very defensive and snapped there was no way they could have known my family's political persuasion and that they had every right to ask.

I think they were being deliberately rude. DH begs to differ.

AIBU?

whyohwhy000 Fri 30-Dec-16 18:34:54

If it just came up in conversation about politics, then YABU.

If she asked it at random, then YANBU.

Cherryskypie Fri 30-Dec-16 18:35:10

Smile and ask if she supports UKIP?

WrongTrouser Fri 30-Dec-16 18:36:46

How did the "sneerily" manifest itself?

icanteven Fri 30-Dec-16 18:43:46

Don't put too much thought into it. DH's (American) family asked if we supported Brexit. DH was a bit confused.

Being married to an American, I imagine you are very well informed re. what's going on with Trump etc, but if you don't have a vested interest and you are not very well informed on international politics or goings-on, you might not automatically know that liberal East Coaster are obv. not going to support Trump.

Bear in mind that there are perfectly articulate and nice Mumsnetters who don't know who the PM here is. Not everybody knows about the world around them.

On the other hand, your MIL might just be a bit of a bitch, in which case the UKIP questions in return are reasonable.

icanteven Fri 30-Dec-16 18:44:14

Sorry - you're the American one, not your DH.

ethelb Fri 30-Dec-16 18:54:52

The UKIP questions would have sent her absolutely nuclear, as she is an EU national who takes the Leave vote as a personal attack from the 'stupid Brits'. I don't know if that would have been a good idea on Christmas Eve grin

MIL lived on the east cost of the US briefly.

WrongTrouser Fri 30-Dec-16 18:55:03

I think it would be better if people did feel able to ask other people how they voted re Trump and Brexit. I think the fact that it's getting to the point people can't talk about is is really unhealthy.

WrongTrouser Fri 30-Dec-16 18:57:08

Possibly not at Christmas family gatherings though grin

msrisotto Fri 30-Dec-16 18:58:46

You can't assume these things though. I would be horrified if someone thought I voted for Brexit but half my family did! Trump and Brexit have significant support so it's not an unreasonable question. Someone voted for them!

ethelb Fri 30-Dec-16 18:58:57

Wrongtrouser is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?

I have a feeling that wouldn't go down well (and is more likely to be true than liberal east coasters voting for Trump).

Evergreen777 Fri 30-Dec-16 18:59:27

A lot of Brits can't really figure out how any person can vote for Trump. So they've meet your family and they seem nice, but probably all the Americans they've meet seem nice too. So they realise that there must be something they don't understand about Americans, cause half of them did vote for Trump. So they're confused. I wouldn't take it personally - it's harder to understand the politics of a very different country

cheekyfunkymonkey Fri 30-Dec-16 19:02:21

I think it's a bit rude to be asking directly about anyone's political persuasions full stop. Don't get me wrong I love talking politics and am happy to have political conversations but believe people should volunteer the information, ditto with religion and sex!

PuntasticUsername Fri 30-Dec-16 19:04:54

"is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?"

That's REALLY not a good comparison to asking people about their own, current political beliefs and actions.

Clandestino Fri 30-Dec-16 19:05:16

It is rude. I have no problem having political discussions but I certainly don't ask people who and how they voted. That's idiotic.

WrongTrouser Fri 30-Dec-16 19:06:27

I get very annoyed when people assume I voted remain. Not because I think voting remain is any thing to be ashamed of (the same for voting leave) but because it is an assumption. I would rather people just asked. None of us in the UK should be ashamed of how we voted. Same in the states.

ethelb Fri 30-Dec-16 19:08:44

Why Puntastic? Because I have sooo much influence over the voting habits of family 4,000 miles away, who live in a democracy with a secret ballot?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 30-Dec-16 19:09:31

Wrongtrouser is it ok yet for me to ask Germans if their families were Nazis yet?

Don't be absurd.

As much as I would be happy to see him dead detest the man, Trump won a democratic election.

WrongTrouser Fri 30-Dec-16 19:09:36

Although I think funkymonkey has it right - you can have a conversation in a way which invites people to say how they voted, if they want to. Probably better than asking. But just launching into a conversation assuming the other person agrees with you without any attempt to check is a no-no in my book.

ethelb Fri 30-Dec-16 19:11:35

Verybitchyrestingface I really don't want this to descend into Godwin's Law, but so did Hitler.

birdybirdywoofwoof Fri 30-Dec-16 19:13:55

Um don't be absurd- you know hitler was elected, right, Very bitchy!?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 30-Dec-16 19:15:10

Verybitchyrestingface I really don't want this to descend into Godwin's Law, but so did Hitler.

That depends on who you ask, but until such times as Trump commits genocide, I think it's safe to say the comparison is not valid.

I think you summed up the whole issue perfectly in your opening line:

My MIL (sorry, and yes there is back story)

Hellochicken Fri 30-Dec-16 19:21:56

No I don't think they were rude to ask. I try and give people the benefit of the doubt. If half American's voted for him then they can ask! How could they know which way they voted? From the media it appears many Americans didn't want to vote for Hillary.

Nice people voted for Donald Trump. Half of America can't be not nice.

birdybirdywoofwoof Fri 30-Dec-16 19:23:36

I would have been insulted too, op. It sounds like you feel your mil was making a jibe.

Scaffleen Fri 30-Dec-16 19:27:13

It's incredible how many British people don't understand the whole Trump thing. I told my mum that my American step mum was absolutely devastated by Trump winning. She was shocked. She actually said Hillary would be just as bad. No mum she wouldn't...sad

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