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To try and spare Dh feelings?

(65 Posts)
Patriciathestripper1 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:13:28

Back story- Dh, youngest DD and I moved to new country for a change of lifestyle following a life changing event.
We made friends although we live very rural mainly other mums/dads through toddler club and then school.
About 3 years ago we got mail addressed to a woman down road and took it down on our way into town. Dh dropped it down whilst I stayed in car and he was ages well over half an hour. So he comes back how full of what a lovely woman she is. she has dogs and a horse and He said that I would go riding with her.
Fair enough as we have horses.
Fast forward a year and we are all good friends although this woman (who is still single and has a string of bad relationships) rings Dh constantly for help, has had nights out to pub with Dh, (which I don't due to lack of babysitter and no family around). And when we have managed to go out for early evening drinks, she says put me down comments like 'are you still here?'
Now I'm not the jealous type, never have been but she started to piss me off to the point where I asked Dh not to go drinking with her anymore which he didn't. But we were still friends and she used to drop in to house with bottle of wine and we used to go riding together.
Fast forward to date and she now has a dp who she lives with. It's not a stable relationship and they constantly fight (verbal) and we have put her up here on several occasions but she always goes back to him.
A couple of months ago Dh and I had a falling out which escalated into a high row then some and he flew back to England for a couple of weeks. (First propoer fight in nearly 20 years).
Whilst he was gone our 'friend came to see me everyday telling me what I should be doing and what to txt him ect... looking back now she seemed to want us to split. Well we didn't and he came home. She was furious about it telling me how stupid I was ect. Then over the space of a week she went nc with me, wouldn't return txt or answer calls.
I found out Dh had rung her (he told me) never really got to bottom of what call was about but apparently he had asked her to mediate with us so we could talk without arguing which she refused to do which is fair enough.
So, about two weeks went by. Dh kept asking if I'd heard from her.
In the end I txt her to ask what was wrong and had I done something wrong?
She sent me a horrible txt back saying I'd let Dh come between our freindship, rubbishing him as a parent because we had argued infront of our DD the day he had left, and that she didn't need friends like me who only got in touch when their Dh were at work!
I still don't know what I have done and Dh would be devastated as he adores Dd and would walk through flames for her.
He still asks if I've heard from friend but I don't know wether to tell him about the txt or not. I just don't understand how someone could just cut a freindship dead or have I been nieve and she was never really my friend?

Milklollies Fri 30-Dec-16 12:18:09

The woman sounds like a psychopath. Let your dh read my message as well if you like. The two of you never had problems like her in your lives before so things were great. You both should cut contact and tell your dh all about her behaviour about how she was trying to break you two up. I would count yourselves lucky that she has cut contact as she hasn't been able to fuck up your lives.

Ilovecaindingle Fri 30-Dec-16 12:18:23

Sounds like she is pissed because her ploy to aid your split didn't go to plan and she hasn't got your man! She wasn't your friend - not in the real sense anyway.
Tell your husband the truth about the texts. Hopefully he sees her for what she is too and you can move on with your relationship without her.

elvis86 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:18:23

Sounds like this woman was weird from fairly early on - no idea why you continued the friendship then but anyway...

Just tell your OH this woman is weird and you want nothing more to do with her. With everything you've said there, alarm bells would ring if your OH was compelled to fight to continue to friendship.

elvis86 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:19:11

*the friendship

Milklollies Fri 30-Dec-16 12:19:28

She's a fucking nutjob (as my old cockney neighbour would say). Cut her out of your lives and just thank the universe for knowing now.

Bluntness100 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:22:48

She's got problems, probably wants you to be as miserable as she is. Just cut the relationship. If you need to show him the text to do that, then do so, but tell him it's now no contact as she's toxic.

KathArtic Fri 30-Dec-16 12:26:15

Did you have any problems before you moved? Get this woman out of your lives.

Sounds like a movie....do you have a rabbit and a big cooking pot ?

ohfourfoxache Fri 30-Dec-16 12:26:16

Show your dh. You come as a unit and my feeling is that he has a right to know

Oddbins Fri 30-Dec-16 12:27:04

I had a "friend" like this
She poured poison about me into my then husband's ear. Her entire friendship with me was because she wanted what she perceived I had. My marriage wasn't that great but he played the perfect husband well and she was quick to blame any cracks on me whilst supporting him.

In the end he left me for her. She was very manipulative but she got what she set out to but a lot less than she bargained for. They were both responsible of course but it destroyed my relationship between me a d the father of my children which has not recovered.

Tell him.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 30-Dec-16 12:28:07

Oh FFS! Read your own OP Patricia. She has NEVER been your friend. Or his. She would dearly love you and your husband to split so that she can have him, and has done pretty much everything to achieve this. As for your DH - right from the off his behaviour has been sorely wanting. Leaving you sitting outside in the car for half an hour? WTF? And asking her to 'mediate'? Jesus, is he lining himself up for her?

Show him the message. Cut this bunny boiler out of your lives. And if he thinks your relationship needs mediation, go to Relate or whatever equivalent there is in the country you're in.

Sorry to be so harsh, but you are sleepwalking.

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:32:11

Omg ive been really stupid when I look back.
Like last Christmas we were all (dd too) going for a meal to a local hotel and 'friend' said she might not come. We were txt talking on my husbands phone (I was out of credit) and he txt her 'you have to come and my wife is very persuasive' (id asked him to txt that) and she txt back 'why what's she going to do? Sit on me?' I was quite hurt because firstly she txt that knowing it was my husbands phone and he would read it and secondly because yes I'm no size 12 but (she is an 8) I felt like she was laughing at me to Dh.

Whisky2014 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:35:44

Show your husband and never contact her again!

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:40:49

*kath no problems really. probably too trustinghmm
where I appreciate your honesty and telling it like it is I actually feel quite tearful now reading all this i feel annoyed with myself. We actually had a great Christmas with not a cross word!

Naicehamshop Fri 30-Dec-16 12:42:34

God - she sounds absolutely horrible. Cut her completely out of your lives and tell your dh why!

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:43:03

odd I'm sorry that happened to you.
Sending you a hug 🤗

EweAreHere Fri 30-Dec-16 12:45:40

She's never been your friend; she was interested in your DH. So obvious.

Both of you should be NC with her. You're lucky she didn't wreck your marriage.

Christmassnake Fri 30-Dec-16 12:48:50

Clearly she fancies him,clearly she was way to involved in yr lives.cut her out and move on before she causes some real damage to your relationship

GloriousGoosebumps Fri 30-Dec-16 12:48:55

I don't understand why you feel you need to protect your dh from the truth about this woman's comments. If he's old enough to have been with you for almost 20 years, then he's old enough to survive a little criticism. The bigger issue is that he's asked you about this woman a few times now and you've lied to him. I think he's more likely to be angry with you for lying to him than about this woman and her comments.

mummydawn07 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:50:40

Milklollies what you said really! she sounds mental, and you really don't need people like that in your lives, I believe if she continues to be a part of your lives it will end badly, so it's a good job she's the one who's cut contact, don't contact her and get on with your life without her in it

DonutParade Fri 30-Dec-16 12:51:31

When someone tells you who they are, listen. She's a horrendous manipulative bitter person. Of course you should tell DH what this person said. She's no friend to either of you.

DonutParade Fri 30-Dec-16 12:53:05

Don't be annoyed with yourself, you're obviously someone who likes to think the best of people, and judge people by your own standards of behaviour. This is often a mistake !

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 30-Dec-16 12:53:45

She's a lunatic who wanted your husband to leave you for her.

Run far, run fast, OP. She's not and has never been your friend.

namechange102 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:54:02

Agree with pp thinking she had her eye on him from the start. No reason why you couldn't have been out at the pub with her while DH babysat, unless they both preferred it the other way! Cut contact, she's toxic.

mummydawn07 Fri 30-Dec-16 12:57:30

my alarm bells would of been ringing at the amount of time you dh and this so called friend were spending together, and now he is still asking about her!! also look at your lives before she was involved, didn't you say things were going great, no problems or arguments etc, she comes into your lives and there's been issues since. I think she had ulterior motives especially when your dh went away for 2 weeks.. good riddance to bad rubbish is what I say

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