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AIBU?

To be feeling a bit upset shaken about this incident

55 replies

sunshinesoph155 · 30/12/2016 00:56

I live in a fairly rural town with a small train station, the platforms can get quite dark. Last night I got to the station to find the train was delayed by about 15 minutes so had to wait on the platform with an older man who I at first just walked past and stood at the other end of the platform

I had my headphones in and all of a sudden the man (clearly drunk) was right inmyface ranting about how his wife sleeps in separate bedrooms and how "He'd like to start on me" and various other unsubtle sexual remarks. At first I completely ignored him but then in the end, had to practically run away down the platform and down the exit until he would leave me alone.

He didn't physically touch me but it's left me feeling really shaken? AIBU - I don't know if to report it, as he didn't actually do anything to me, but today especially I have been feeling a bit vulnerable as I keep remembering how threatened I felt in the dark and didn't know what to do.

OP posts:

Report

mum2Bomg · 30/12/2016 00:57

This is harassment and you can report it if you think he may be a danger to someone else. YANBU

TyneTeas · 30/12/2016 01:04

yes report and hope you are okay

DonaldStott · 30/12/2016 01:06

Ah that's horrible. I would have been shitting myself. I would report to the police.

LoupGarou · 30/12/2016 01:07

It's a really crap think to have happen and completely understandable you feel like you do. Please do report it. Take some time for yourself and do some comforting/pampering things, even if its just a cup of tea and a bubble bath. Do you have people around you can talk to?

Whenever I was alone in the dark when I lived in the UK I would take a few seconds to try to make myself as prepared as possible, keep a casual eye on any one in the vicinity, think through how I would escape/where I would run to if I needed to, check mobile phone signal etc. It only took about ten seconds but made me feel infinitely more comfortable, and keeping an eye on what people nearby are doing wasn't too much faff. I also never wear headphones in those kind of situations, I like to be able to hear what's going on.

All that being said, I have recovered from having PTSD, so am probably a bit zealous when it comes to personal safety.

LoupGarou · 30/12/2016 01:09

Oh, and you are definitely not being unreasonable

avamiah · 30/12/2016 01:09

Sorry to hear this .
You should report him and there should be CCTV even though it is a small station.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/12/2016 01:09

Yes, please report it as they may be able to look back over cctv and identify the man, what he did wasn't right.

I'm glad to hear you got home safe in the end.

avamiah · 30/12/2016 01:11

I think there will be cameras of some sort at this station.

Pumpkintopf · 30/12/2016 01:12

You should definitely report it to the police and I second what pp have said about not wearing headphones etc in these circumstances.

Hope you're ok, horrible thing to have gone through.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 30/12/2016 01:15

Link to British Transport Police

Quote from their sexual harassment page:

Sexual offences is the term used for a variety of crimes, including sexual touching, exposure, sexual comments or any other form of unwanted sexual behaviour.

We take any offence of this nature extremely seriously and we are committed to developing a transport network which is free from harassment and accessible to everyone.

No incident is too small or trivial. What has happened is not your fault. We will always take you seriously, believe what you tell us and treat you with respect.

sunshinesoph155 · 30/12/2016 01:16

Thanks everyone. Luckily I have wonderful DP who was outraged and made sure I was ok and looked after, I just felt a bit silly as nothing physical happened and I'm quite shocked that I feel as shaken as I do

Probably more upset by what could have happened than what did

OP posts:

OydNeverDeclinesGin · 30/12/2016 01:17

Absolutely report if you feel up to it.
Similar has happened to me in the past and reporting it did make me feel a bit more in control again.
and

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 30/12/2016 01:17

Forgot BTP telephone number: 0800 40 50 40 or text 61016

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 30/12/2016 01:21

He said vile sexual remarks to you, you didn't know what his intentions were, and you are definitely not silly, just reading it was scary.

LoupGarou · 30/12/2016 01:23

You have absolutely no reason to feel silly at all, its terrifying when your safety is put at risk and when you are in danger. It's a great that your DP is so supportive too.

user1477282676 · 30/12/2016 01:26

Well you must report him. It will be n CCTV. He might go further with someone else.

oldlaundbooth · 30/12/2016 01:27

OMG definitely report

OneWithTheForce · 30/12/2016 01:30

he didn't actually do anything to me,

He did. He did. he did! Have no doubt about it he deliberately did Something to you. He intimidated you and sexually harassed you. That is something. It is not nothing. He doesn't have to touch you for it to count. His words were enough, his behaviour was enough. You can report this. Something happened.

OneWithTheForce · 30/12/2016 01:32

Btw, think about carrying a rape alarm if it will make you feel better about being out alone. I would advice pepper spray or a taser but I think theyre illegal

Lynnm63 · 30/12/2016 01:34

BTP are excellent. definitely report. My ds had a problem with a fellow student for months in school, school were shite. Pupil eventually punched my ds on the train station platform all on cctv. They took it seriously and cautioned other child.

OneWithTheForce · 30/12/2016 01:34

nothing physical happened and I'm quite shocked that I feel as shaken as I do

He physically got in your face, right in your personal space.

You physically had to RUN away to avoid his behaviour

You are still physically shaken by it a day later.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 30/12/2016 01:36

What OneWithTheFirce said. With bells on.

BTP are very hot on this topic. Please help them (and future women) out by reporting this. You may well get some closure for yourself and feel empowered too.

Parkourbench · 30/12/2016 01:38

Do report it. You have as much right to be able to stand on a platform and feel safe as anyone else. He absolutely violated you and had left you feeling afraid.

He could try that again 🙁

So sorry this happened to you.

YeOldMa · 30/12/2016 01:41

YANBU or silly. You were relatively lucky in that he didn't actually physically attack you (although you had reason to believe he would which I believe is an offence in itself) but the next woman might not be so lucky. He is obviously a man with some serious issues so needs reporting.

for you for having such a horrible experience.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/12/2016 01:55

Oh my goodness OP, what everyone else said! Don't minimise or apologise, something upsetting happened to you! He assaulted you, make no mistake. Don't be hard on yourself.

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