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To think my mother overreacted to my idea?

(31 Posts)
Notnastypasty Thu 29-Dec-16 21:38:07

Bit of background - I'm a single parent, work 2 jobs part time. House is always tidy and fairly clean as I just like it that way. Between working, school runs, after school hobbies and sorting anything else in the house I just feel like sitting down in the evening when dd is in bed! I've had a cleaner for the past year as she was reasonably priced and while my divorce was going through and I was feeling low I was grateful I could afford the bit of help. DD is 9 and enjoys 'helping' with housework. By this I mean light dusting etc not bleaching bathrooms! My cleaner has gone off sick so I'm planning to just go back to doing it myself and offered DD the chance to earn some pocket money if she wants to help me once every couple of weeks, she loved this idea. When I told DM I was deemed lazy and asked 'why can't you just do it on your own?' She actually got so shitty we fell out and now she's not talking to me confused I think I do a reasonably good job of doing everything on my own but she seems to find fault in whatever i do. By contrast one of my siblings who is pretty irresponsible seems to be the golden child! Is it a bad idea to have DD helping out? She always makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable, am I?!

Mouikey Thu 29-Dec-16 21:41:07

You're not and you know it surely! Your DM is a bit odd though!

Fab that your dd wants to help and that you can have a cleaner (wish we could but I hate ironing so send that to my fabulous ironing angle!)

jugotmail Thu 29-Dec-16 21:43:04

Umm no - wish my son wanted to clean the only thing he wants to do is hoover so that he can wield the end like a lightsabre (would be willing to pay him too).

Notnastypasty Thu 29-Dec-16 21:44:36

Thanks - I didn't think I was being unreasonable but she's so good at making me feel like I am that I doubt myself.

BIgBagofJelly Thu 29-Dec-16 21:45:17

I would baulk at the ida of a child doing hours of housework a night but it sounds pretty clear that's not what you had in mind. Your mum sounds ridiculously over the top and critical about a non issue.

Stiddleficks Thu 29-Dec-16 21:46:52

Yanbu, my 6yr old likes helping and I let her for a bit of pocket money. It's a good lesson in working for money, the more she does the more money she gets. Don't think it'll last long though so I'm making the most of it.

LegoCaltrops Thu 29-Dec-16 21:55:04

Absolutely nothing wrong with instilling good habits in kids at an early age. We already have our DD, is only 4.7, helping with basic tasks - tidying her own toys, takes her plates to the sink, she likes to use the vacuum cleaner etc.

MrsBungle Thu 29-Dec-16 22:02:04

Yanbu at all. My 7yo tidies the dinner table every night for her pocket money. She clears the dishes to the side then cleans the table.

Flyingbellycopters Thu 29-Dec-16 22:16:13

I have cleaner and kids around same age as yours. She's off for Christmas and my kids will be expected to clean bathrooms and do hoovering and empty bins. This is in addition to usual weekly jobs they have and putting away dishes. In our house it's called being family and helping but if they did it weekly I think I'd do like you and use it as way of getting rewards.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Thu 29-Dec-16 22:18:56

Errrrrm, sounds to me like you're suggesting chores for pocket money. That's a perfectly normal concept in my world!

mummydawn07 Thu 29-Dec-16 22:30:15

it's good for kids to have that responsibility when they're young I think, at least when your dd gets older she will know how to clean and won't live like a slob like some people I know who were lazy kids who weren't made to do any tidying/cleaning. my dd is 6 going on 7 and she tidies her own room and sometimes asks if she can hoover and I let her doesn't make me lazy though, also you are installing a work ethic in you dd she sees you work and keep your house clean and tidy and now she wants to help clean and earn herself some pocket money. ignore your mum you are doing nothing wrong

cheeseandpineapple Thu 29-Dec-16 22:39:15

You're not being unreasonable. Good parenting tactic,worth keeping up even when your cleaner is back to work!

Odd your mother has had such an extreme reaction. When you were growing up was she very anti you helping out at home?

LardLizard Thu 29-Dec-16 22:55:19

Your mum sound jealous and probably thinks you have it easy / are lazy

Perhaps she wasn't a single mother so has no clue how knackered you are

Either way ignore the old hag

Notnastypasty Thu 29-Dec-16 22:55:55

Thanks for the replies, I feel better now! My mum was quite against us doing any housework growing up so maybe that's why. Not necessarily a good thing though!!

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 29-Dec-16 22:56:51

Oh make the most of it! DS loves hoovering, he is 11 and I know that he will soon go off the idea as all 4 of his older siblings where the same until they hit 13 ish! So he does all the hoovering and gets extra pocket money for it. His next oldest sister complains that she has more money....right up until I offer her extra for dusting and suddenly she can manage on what she has.... grin

If you were making her do a full house clean for nothing and you sitting on your arse then your mum might have a point, but you're not! And anyway, the sooner kids learn that a tidy and clean house doesnt just happen, the better. At least you know that you will be able to send her out into the world able to care for herself and her home, which is more than many kids can these days.

MillyDLA Thu 29-Dec-16 23:02:45

As a working single parent with two boys, Thursday night was 'cleaning night'. All three of us would share out the jobs ( as age appropriate) and work to clean and tidy. Meant we could start the weekend after school Friday with no chores and wake Saturday morning to a clean house and a much sunnier mummy. I would do a deep clean every school holiday when the boys were with their dad, an hour or two each Thursday kept us going through term time.

AdoraBell Thu 29-Dec-16 23:06:55

fconfused We're you talking to my MIL?

No, YANBU at all.

1horatio Thu 29-Dec-16 23:13:03

Chores for pocket money. Very reasonable.


TheGruffaloMother Thu 29-Dec-16 23:13:31

Is there something about your 9yo DD that puts a different spin on this? Because a 9yo doing chores for a bit of pocket money is pretty standard. Christ, my 2yo helps put things away, wipes up spills (badly) and puts (plastic) dishes in the sink.

SantasTipsyHelper Thu 29-Dec-16 23:15:23

At your DD age, my DS and I had to wash, dry and put away the washing up every night after dinner and make sure the kitchen was clean (hob, work surfaces and table). If we p****d about too much, DM would dock our pocket money. If we wanted to earn some extra cash, we could dust/vacuum a room for 20 pence!

There's nothing I can get DD to do yet as she's only 10 months. grin

Starlight2345 Thu 29-Dec-16 23:22:52

My DS (9) has jobs, taking rubbish to bin, sorting underwear, feeding pet.. I don't pay him as I feel he should do something because he is old enough to be part of the family.

He would though love the chance to earn some extra money though..

Italiangreyhound Thu 29-Dec-16 23:37:51


Although, if honest, I do very little dusting!

altiara Thu 29-Dec-16 23:42:26

Yanbu! 9 yr olds should help around the house. Good idea to have set chores anyway so they have a routine and know how long it will take them if they have homework etc

AmeliaJack Fri 30-Dec-16 00:04:50

YANBU at all.

My 9 yos help and they don't even get paid!

cheekyfunkymonkey Fri 30-Dec-16 04:51:45

Not being unreasonable at all. We always had chores as kids and o was also given opportunity to earn money by helping with cleaning. I think it's pretty normal, not the wacky idea your mum seems to be suggesting. If you are happy and DD is happy sod her!

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