to feel like I always compromise?(2 Posts)
For example, NYE plans.
I live with two other girls. Girl 1 is happily coupled up and normally fine doing her own thing with her dp, but likes hanging out with us when he's not there. Girl 2 is single (as am I) and we tend to do some things together.
I have big exams coming up after xmas and purposely decided not to do anything big on NYE in order to not waste days recovering. However Girl 2 and I said we would head back to our house on the 31st (both staying with family at the moment) and have a few drinks then look round for a house party or something. Girl 1 said she would potentially join then do her own thing with her dp after midnight.
Now plans have changed and Girl 2 is staying at her family home but has kindly invited me up. I have had to decline even though would have loved to make it as really need to do work and cant take out two/three days just to relax... So am now going to stay at family home and have a quiet one.
Girl 1 seemed a bit put-out when I said I wouldn't be returning to our shared home any more - although when I hurriedly said actually I would come up and get takeaway/have a few drinks with her, she has said that it's fine and not to worry. But I get the feeling she's still not 100% ok with it?
I feel like I can't do right for doing wrong! I haven't broken existing plans, just changed plans after someone else has. And then offered to work around them. I feel like everyone has their own agenda and I just follow and still people are pissed off! Can anyone relate???
I have tended to be very like you in that I have spent a lot of time pulling apart what people say, analysing their body language and trying to work out whether they're annoyed with me or not. Try to look at it objectively. If all she said was that she might join you, and if she's now saying that it's OK if you don't, take her at her word. She had the chance to make solid plans with you and she didn't. She might be a bit disappointed but that doesn't mean that she's furious with you or you've tanked the friendship. But look: even if you had made plans with her, and then you had to cancel those plans because you had work that couldn't wait, that happens. Again, if she's disappointed that's understandable, but if you have to work then you have to work.
It's not your job to keep everyone 100% happy at your own expense and I REALLY wish I'd worked that out 20 years ago.
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