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AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

(175 Posts)
Itsacakebaby Wed 28-Dec-16 23:01:52

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

Snowflake65 Wed 28-Dec-16 23:04:29

Totally NBU I hate dropper-inners

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Wed 28-Dec-16 23:05:19

Nope, YANBU. It's downright fucking rude.

OpalTree Wed 28-Dec-16 23:05:43


goingmadinthecountry Wed 28-Dec-16 23:07:09

I have no issue if people expect no more than a quick coffee. Happens quite a lot around here. Can't imagine having my life scheduled to such an extent that I couldn't welcome a surprise visitor. Not if they expect to stay all day though!!

BertrandRussell Wed 28-Dec-16 23:08:07

I love dropperinners. But Mumsnet has, by definition, a higher %age of anti social people than the norm. So you will get lots of people agreeing with you.

Krampus Wed 28-Dec-16 23:08:45

It depends on how often it is and if they go if they see you are busy.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Wed 28-Dec-16 23:09:20

YANBU, my family do this regularly even though I've said and they still continue to do it. I'd never do it myself.
I have a chronic illness and some days my place isn't clean and tidy and feel embarrassed then of people seeing it. also full of clutter.

Badhairday1001 Wed 28-Dec-16 23:10:06

This definitely falls into two camps. Your either fine with it or can't stand it, there's no real middle ground. I don't like it because I like it tidy when people come and 95% of the time it's not.

PastysPrincess Wed 28-Dec-16 23:10:19

I don't mind mind people who just drop by...if I have plans I just say "I have plans so it will have to be a quick visit."

Theweasleytwins Wed 28-Dec-16 23:15:01

Mil phoned earlier when she was 5 minutes away, a surprise visit but very welcome as she always helps out when she comes over and doesn't expect to be waited on. I'm always happy when family visit so they can look after my DT while I have a quiet shower😁
On the other side DH thinks it would be okay to drop in to my grandparents 2 1/2 hours away for a night with no notice. That is not okay, they'd be upset they didn't get food in that we like (because they are lovely) or make up the spare room

Princesspink999 Wed 28-Dec-16 23:15:39

I hate dropperinners but that's because I'm always rushing and never have time to stop for coffee which makes me feel rude. And also the house is a constant tip!!!

ScarletForYa Wed 28-Dec-16 23:16:16

Very rude. I mind. Yanbu.

pipsqueak25 Wed 28-Dec-16 23:17:38

when i said i hated visitors on a thread i was flamed for it, but it is good to see that i'm not the only anti social cow i am made out to be grin

AmeliaJack Wed 28-Dec-16 23:18:15

I have a varying rules about this.

Neighbours who are genuinely popping in for ten minutes/very quick coffee are fine and welcome.

Anyone who had to get in a car/travel significant distance should have the curtesy to let me know they are coming. Those kind of visitors usual expect biscuits with their coffee and possibly a meal. They also tend to be annoyed if you aren't in/are going out/are already hosting guests. In their case advanced notice is required and expected.

Ohdearducks Wed 28-Dec-16 23:19:23

I hate it but that's because I'm a messy cow and don't want people to see my slovenly hole. If my house was pristine all the time I'd love droppers in.

eatingtomuch Wed 28-Dec-16 23:19:42

I love people popping in. I have numerous friends who'll pop in for a quick chat and a coffee. Sometimes it is just for 20mins other times it can be for hours.
I love an excuse to stop have a coffee and share cake or biscuits.
There are not many days when someone doesn't pop into our house.
I am single and a lot of my married friends use me as an escape I think (it doesn't bother me). I have a good enough relationship with them all to be able to say it's not a good time and no offence would be taken. I have done this on occasion.

SleepEatPlayWork Wed 28-Dec-16 23:21:24

I don't mind dropper inners however I do mind my PIL dropping in and saying we've come now as it's lunch/dinner time so we knew you'd be in. Yes I am in and eating my lunch/dinner which will now go cold as I cooked for 3 not 5 and there's not enough for you!! My own DM is well aware of this and now wouldn't dream of popping round unannounced even though I wouldn't mind her doing it as she frequently sees my house how it really is!!

eatingtomuch Wed 28-Dec-16 23:21:43

I would be upset if friends didn't think they were welcome

StripyHorse Wed 28-Dec-16 23:24:07

I don't mind as long as they are close enough friends / family for me to not feel terrible if the place is a mess ( especially at this time of year). I do prefer a bit of notice though.

I do hate it when MIL pops by unannounced then let's herself in before I can get to the door!!!! She has a key for when she does the school run.... although not once had she used it to bring the DCs back here when I am not in, or to let herself in when she is expected (which I wouldn't mind).

BackforGood Wed 28-Dec-16 23:24:37

What Bertrand said.
This thread comes up every couple of weeks it seems on MN, and, because there are a much higher % of antisocial people on MN than there are in the population as a whole, you get a fairly even split.
Personally, I love it when people just pop in. How lovely they thought of us when in the area and would like to see us.

If they are the same people you can tell them you don't like it and ask them not to do it, but don't expect them to understand, even if they stop visiting you.

OhTheRoses Wed 28-Dec-16 23:27:31

I like it. The DC's friends are always dropping in. Always have beers, pizza, in freezer. Our friends/neighbours are welcome too.

GhostOfChristmasYetToCome Wed 28-Dec-16 23:39:26

I don't answer the door or the phone if I'm not expecting anyone. I don't entertain "the pop in" under any circumstances.

bellie710 Wed 28-Dec-16 23:40:14

People are welcome in my house anytime, if I need to go somewhere I always say I need to go at ... but they either wait in the house or come back later, I used to live in London and people were always booking days weeks in advance just to meet for coffee! Thankfully we are now in the country and people are much more relaxed

hairymairyfromthedairy Wed 28-Dec-16 23:43:22

Depends who it is!

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