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To shamelessly use this forum's traffic to help me toilet train my DS because I'm feeling clueless.

(25 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-Dec-16 21:52:59

I'm desperately in need of some guidance and advice because potty training my DS is seeming hopeless as we don't seem to be making any progress.

He's 2yr 9m and for the last six months he has been weeing on the potty reliably but only if he isn't wearing a nappy or some pants.

He has never had a poo on the potty and will instead hold it in until I pop a nappy on him but I believe that to be quite normal.

DS doesn't particularly like wearing pants purely because he prefers being naked. He will let me put them on though but despite me explaining it to him many times that if he needs a wee he needs to pull his pants down and wee on the potty he just doesn't seem to understand.

If he's wearing pants and needs a wee he will sometimes sit on the potty with his pants still up and wee with them on or he will just randomly wee in them as though he were wearing a nappy. On a few occasions he's had a poo in his pants because he doesn't seem to understand they aren't a nappy.

We tried pull-ups on a few occasions but I found them pretty pointless as he would use them exactly like he's use a nappy.

I'm feeling so disheartened by it. The majority of my friends have children the same age as DS, and younger, and they are all toilet trained so I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

We have tried on about three occasions in the last few months to make the transition to pants but we've had to abandon it because he just doesn't seem to get it.

It's really getting me down.

DS went through three pairs of pants this afternoon in the space of a couple of hours because he kept weeing in them.

I just don't know where to go from here sad

All advice welcome.

Zeb81 Wed 28-Dec-16 21:55:33

He's not ready. You need to put aside your own stuff and wait. Keep asking him with no pressure and when he is ready it will be easy for him.

HeCantBeSerious Wed 28-Dec-16 21:55:54

Doesn't sound like he's ready. Like walking and talking, children can't be forced into it if they aren't ready.

Get the No Cry Potty Training book and relax a bit.

DJBaggySmalls Wed 28-Dec-16 22:00:35

He's not ready yet. Just take him with you when you go. Explain when he is a big boy he will be just like all the other grown ups and use a toilet.
Point out to him when he goes to make him aware of it. 'Are you having a wee? When you're done I'll change you'.
Theres no harm in sitting him on a potty for a few minutes if you think he may go. But leave him in nappies for now, and dont stress about it.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:01:34

He's still very little. I got DS out of nappies just before he started school, aged 3.9 (Wales). I was equally at a loss but I took him with me to the HV and explained the situation, in terms he could understand. She told him he was big enough and that he could go to the toilet - and he did, as soon as we got home.

Bedtime training has been longer, but in the end it was as simple as buying a pack of dry nights pads. He's wet the bed twice in about a month.

Really, it'll happen in its own time. I thought I might have to delay DS with starting school but we got there in the nick of time.

JaniceBattersby Wed 28-Dec-16 22:02:50

2.9 is still fairly young for a boy. Neither of my older two were remotely trained at that age. They were both 3y 2m for wee and a couple of months later for poo.

I'd just back off completely and let him do it himself. So much easier all around.

sj257 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:03:30

He isn't ready, my son was the same. He actually didn't crack it until he was 3 and a half, however when he did it was so quick and he was dry at night soon afterwards.

HighwayDragon1 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:06:34

Leave the till summer when it's easier to dry stuff. Don't allow him to wonder round naked it'll confuse him more when the time comes. 6 months is a really long time , he's simply not ready.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:07:56

The problem I have is that he hates wearing nappies.

We have tried putting him back in nappies and just giving him more time but that's not going to plan as he hates wearing them and gets upset about it. As soon as he feels the sensation to have a wee he will simply take his trousers off and pull his nappy off and go on a mad hunt for the potty. On the one occasion I hid the potty really well he simply took himself off to the toilet and did his best to wee in the bowl instead.

If we're out and about and he has a wee or poo in his nappy he gets upset about it, tells me he needs his nappy changing and will start trying to take his trousers and nappy off.

That's why I feel so frustrated because in lots of ways he does seem ready to be trained but he just doesn't understand that pants aren't to be used like nappies.

venys Wed 28-Dec-16 22:09:00

Try reading the book Oh Crap which gives good advice. You need to be consistent, so just have no nappies on period (except nights) for at least a week. And use an insert in a toilet rather than the potty. I think a good sign they are ready is if they can tell you they need to use the toilet. Although my 3 year old didn't but I had to try as he was too big for his nappies so this statement is not always true.

sj257 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:09:26

Could you try the cloth toilet training pants?

Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:11:11

. I think a good sign they are ready is if they can tell you they need to use the toilet

He definitely does this - he will always tell me he needs a wee before heading off to find the potty. If we are out and about and he's wearing a nappy he will tell me he needs a wee as though he's asking me to take him to the toilet. He hates weeing in his nappy.

sj257 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:14:43

Can you have a week at home where you don't go out? Putting a nappy on him when going out is no doubt confusing him.

FrayedHem Wed 28-Dec-16 22:15:37

Have you tried pants in a larger size or the boxer short style ones? Maybe if they are bit looser it may feel less nappy-like.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:18:57

Both very good ideas - thank you.

There is a week in February where both DH and I are home so maybe we should just tackle it head on then?

Sierra259 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:21:17

He doesn't sound ready. We didn't toilet train DD1 until she was 3 and 3 months. I felt dreadfully self-concious that she was the last of her friends still in nappies, but I knew she wasn't ready and we were expecting DC2 and knew she'd regress anyway.

She was consistent with wee and poo much quicker than the friends who had come out of nappies earlier, and more than one of their mums have said to me since that they feel they probably did it a bit early, so it took months rather than weeks.

FrayedHem Wed 28-Dec-16 22:21:50

We had a few months of nappy weirdness with DS3. He neither wanted nappies nor pants and would remove his nappy then wrap a towel around his waist as he didn't like to be naked either. We just went with it and he went into pants at his request at 3.2 and virtually no accidents since. Which is on the late side but I had a horrible time with DS1 and I wasn't prepared to go down that road again.

Littlegreyauditor Wed 28-Dec-16 22:22:14

I did a lot of chatting well in advance with DS, he likes to be well warned. He got to pick his cool pants for when he was ready. We got a Thomas potty which played train sounds when a pee or poop was deposited. Then I waited.

He wasn't ready the first time we tried, and some ill advised interference from PIL's friend caused no end of trouble. So I left it for six months. When I was in the house FT over Easter (at 3.3 yrs) we had a couple of days bare bum time where he just wandered about randomly peeing in the various potties arranged around the house, and a huge, congratulatory fuss made each time. That was it done. He wore night time pants for a couple more months and then these went too. Since then he has had one nighttime accident when he had norovirus, and a couple of daytime incidents where he has been late to realise he needs to go (and when PIL's fucking idiot friend has stuck her beak in).

Basically I did a lot of preparation via chatting and equipment and then picked a convenient time to just spend a couple of days doing nothing but learning to do it. He had to be ready and he had to understand what we were trying to do and then it was much easier.

FrayedHem Wed 28-Dec-16 22:24:51

DS3 is also a very ahem willful child (he is being assessed for ASD) so I was on a hiding to nothing if I'd tried to encourage him via reward charts etc. He's always taken himself off to the loo as trying to get him to go just ends in a riot!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 28-Dec-16 22:27:02

None of mine were under three when they were potty trained. Twins were two weeks past 3 (although they regularly had accidents until they went to school and weren't dry overnight until earlier this year - age 7), DS3 also was ready a couple of weeks past three and was dry overnight quickly and has been reliable practically since he took the nappy off!

Don't sweat what others are doing. Don't feel pressured to do it within a particular timeframe or just because you have the time to do it. It is SO not a good deal - you don't put on your CV or on posh school applications when you finally started wearing pants grin

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 28-Dec-16 22:29:08

PS, my mum always used to ask why they weren't out of nappies, I just used to tell her when they're ready. It only ever came up with friends when telling poo anecdotes - for example, unlike my friends daughter who was potty trained at just gone two, none of my boys laid a cable on the living room rug grin

WilliamHerschel Wed 28-Dec-16 22:32:08

My DD is 2 and 5 months and has been telling us when she wees and poos since she was about 18 months. She also has hated wearing nappies for a long time. I have tried potty training many times but she hasn't even managed to do a wee in hers yet. She is a lot happier wearing her "big girl pants" - pull ups. Maybe you could try those for your son. It is frustrating as I know lots of children her age using the potty or toilet, but if they aren't ready they aren't ready.

Pilgit Wed 28-Dec-16 22:52:23

Gina Ford - potty training in a week was really good for us. Basically you go cold turkey and don't wait for them to tell you but put them on the potty every half hour for a day. Every wee gets a reward. As does a poo.

No solution is perfect though. DD2 had a trauma with poo (don't know what) and continued to do it in her pants for 18 months. Ended up using panty liners as a move back to nappies was not going to help. Something just clicked at the end of October and we now don't get accidents. (In fairness to her if she has the same problem I have she is likely to have episodes of brown pants her whole life so it.taking a bit longer for her to get used to it wasn't a surprise)

What I've learnt? Consistency and not getting cross get you there quicker and an acceptance that there will be a lot of washing. And trust that they will get there in the end. And be prepared- wipes etc.

If he doesn't like nappies another thing to try us "dry like me" panty liners. Gave DD2 confidence and us less washing....

Catsize Wed 28-Dec-16 23:07:22

With both of ours, there was no training and no potties. We waited until they were ready - they start to want to go to the toilet. Admittedly, it was weeks before poos, which in both cases took much longer.
DS was over 3 when he started, DD was about 26mths (and 6mths later, still insists on having a nappy on to do a poo).
We have had about three weeing accidents total (excluding the odd occasion when fallen asleep etc).
Talking of sleep, the being dry at night thing is the last thing to happen, but again, you/they will know when they are ready. DD not sry at night but DS was seemingly earlier than those his age who had been 'trained' sooner.
Don't worry OP - it is like they walk when they are ready. And they all do that at different ages.
Doesn't sound like your son is ready to me, but I am no expert.

bumsexatthebingo Wed 28-Dec-16 23:49:24

He sounds ready to me if he's reliably using the potty without pants. He obviously gets the idea and feels the signal it's just the next hurdle of clothes you need to get over. Both of mine had periods where they would go happily pantless but put pants on and they'd just get confused. With my ds he has sn and struggled physically with getting pants up/down which didn't help. Is your ds able to pull his pants up and down easily? Make sure he's not wearing anything with fiddly buttons or anything and loose joggers with nothing underneath might feel less like a nappy than underpants. Roleplaying games are good as well so you can put some pants on a teddy and practice the steps he needs to do when he needs the potty to help him remember to pull his pants down before he goes.

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