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Stressed out ! pissed off but Aibu ?

(6 Posts)
iloveludo Wed 28-Dec-16 21:17:18

New to this never posted before but i just feel like I need to write this down as I have no one to talk to and am feeling frustrated .. I work 20 hrs weekly over 4 days and the rest of the time I have the kids ds5 and dd2.9 my dh works long hours as a driver but I'm made to feel like I'm being rotten or moany/bitch when I suggest on his day off he spend time with me and the kids doing something nice like a day out. I work and manage the money/bills do all cooking and pretty much all cleaning and childcare. No one babysits and I get no time to myself as I'm often on my own with them and honestly I feel lonely and isolated. He tends to work 5 days a week with different days off, he has a day off tomorrow and has arranged to spend time with his friend without bothering to consult me , Aibu? I just think given that he works full time and rarely sees the kids due to when he leaves/comes home he should use a day off to have quality time with the kids or maybe to allow me some time to myself. I'm sure some people will think I'm being awful as he works long hours but he often has days off and spends the day with friends or doing his own thing as he will have a day off during the week when kids are at school/nursery and rarely has time with them at the weekends. Sorry for the long post

Allthewaves Wed 28-Dec-16 21:22:55

My dh is long distance lorry driver and is home one full day a wk. It's caused conflict in the past when he's wanted to do friend stuff on this one day. Now he tries to do friend stuff on an evening once every 4 wks or so, so he can spend day with me and the kids - he always asks ahead of time just incase the kids really want to do something

SuperRainbows Wed 28-Dec-16 21:37:24

You are not being unreasonable. Sounds like you work really hard and your DH is not pulling his weight. I am married to a very selfish man and right now can hear him doing his hobby when he has 3 gorgeous dds who he could be spending time with. I've had 22 years of this selfish attitude and it really gets me down. DH works four long days then has four off. If he's in the mood he helps out, if he fancies doing his hobbies all day, he does. I am worn out and exhausted and he looks great. He wonders why I'm so pissed off around him. If I were starting again, I would be so different. I went along with his many hobbies, thinking he would eventually want to spend time with us but it's never happened. So I can't wait for him to go to work, so I don't have to listen to his hobby. My oldest dds summed up how she felt by saying that hearing him doing hobby was a constant reminder he had chosen that over us. Sorry for the rant, sending a big empathic hug op.

Cherrysoup Wed 28-Dec-16 22:07:44

Yadefintelynbu! I would be so pissed off! When he's off, he should be doing the df dh thing. It takes two to have dc, he should be manning up. Family first, friends second.

Fartleks Wed 28-Dec-16 22:15:59

You both need the same amount of down time without work/childcare.

It's good that you both see friends

iloveludo Thu 29-Dec-16 22:21:18

Thank you for the response , I don't want to in any way begrudge my dh time for himself just wish he could be a bit less selfish I would happily work things out for us so that we had equal time together to do our own thing .. my dh also has a hobby which can sometimes take him away for a full day and it bugs me only because I feel as though other things seem more important to him than the kids do. My main and only priority is the health/happiness and wellbeing of my little ones I hate myself for thinking that dh doesn't feel the same way .. thanks super , why can't men see it the way we do especially when they are lucky to have children that want to spend time with them

In the end after much nagging we took the kids out for around an hour didn't do much I then went out with my mum to the shops I was away for a few hours and I left him with the kids and he whined and moaned about me being away for too long and preventing him from going to his friends house as early as he wanted to . Hes still out as I type so nothing changes

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