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honest opinion needed...mil

(61 Posts)
ffsdoingmybest Wed 28-Dec-16 20:18:14

So, my mil (who pays no interest in my child) now wants to have him 1 day a week and take him to a group late afternoon.

Im really pleased she is finally showing an interest but i am concerned about the class...

- Its full of older children and i want him to go to classes with kids the same age for his development (the class is up to school age, my child has just turned 1)

- its a good 45 mins away and the class doesnt finish until 4....The reason this is an issue for me is because my lo eats tea at 5 and is in bed for 7. Its working well like that but if he is at an active class then straight into a car seat for the best part of an hour he will end up sleeping then not sleeping at night. I dont want his routine buggered up as its not mil that will have to deal with it!

- mil is not the best driver and is always on hands free. I really dont like the thought of her driving around chatting with my child in her car for the best part of 2 hours (1 each way) in a very busy part of town

My mil and i dont get on. My oh and i arent getting on at the mo so he is likely to think im raising objections for the sake of it...im not.

What do you guys think?

I was going to suggest to her to go for a trial session to gauge the age range ro see if its appropriate, and also see if there is any effect on his sleep (ie, napping in car and being a nightmare that night).

honeyroar Wed 28-Dec-16 20:20:24

I think your suggestion would be very fair.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Wed 28-Dec-16 20:20:34

I'm surprised that a club for up to age 5 is suitable for a 1 year old- have you checked that this is correct (it may sort the problem out for you!)

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 28-Dec-16 20:20:58

I would worry about her safety with driving.

otherwise i think it sounds ok.

How old is he?

Christmassnake Wed 28-Dec-16 20:21:11

I'd say no....I never agreed to anything that disrupts bedtime.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 28-Dec-16 20:21:36

Oh sorry I see you've said his age.

ChasedByBees Wed 28-Dec-16 20:22:28

I would worry about the driving and the age range.

Candlelight123 Wed 28-Dec-16 20:23:51

I think that's a very fair suggestion, the way you've described her driving alone, would be enough to make me say no.

Wolpertinger Wed 28-Dec-16 20:24:20

I would be surprised if the class leader wants a 1 yr old there with 5 yr olds.

What do you think your MIL's motivation is for her sudden interest in childcare?

thebakerwithboobs Wed 28-Dec-16 20:25:13

Go with her the first time and invite her for dinner afterwards. If routine is disrupted she will witness it and see you're not being difficult and you can check out the group. Why has she chosen this one though? Could you sit together and find a nearer one?

I feel your pain-my mother in law loathes me and the feeling is mutual BUT she adores our kids and is faultless as a grandparent.

Lireal Wed 28-Dec-16 20:26:46

Can you or Mil find a more appropriate playgroup? All the baby/toddler groups around here start at 10am...

DailyFailFuckwits Wed 28-Dec-16 20:27:22

I wouldn't agree to this. Can you suggest a nearer activity at a more suitable time? Even a regular trip to the park, just so she can spend time with him. To start with, you could even accompany them, then you can assess your mil's driving and whether she is responsive to his needs, (as you've said she's shown no interest so far).

TeamAlphaFemale Wed 28-Dec-16 20:27:50

I'd say no and stick to my guns with OH about it. I also have a child who naps in the car very easily and I wouldn't let him have the opportunity so close to his bedtime.
You are not being unreasonable!. Go with your trial suggestion and then hopefully MIL will see that you are at least giving it a go.
My MIL is only a grandma when it suits her. If she asked for my DS for a whole day every week when he was 1 I would've said a big fat no. So you are being very reasonable under the circumstances!!

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Dec-16 20:30:13

Can you elaborate on her driving? What's happened to make you worried? How old is DS?

MimiSunshine Wed 28-Dec-16 20:31:24

Time for a shit sandwich.

"Why MIL, DS would love to spend the day with you and a class sounds great, unfortunately that particular one is a bit late in the day as we need him home by 16:30, I've looked around and there's [insert similar activity] on at [a more suitable time]. Would you like to take him to that instead, I think he love to go to it with you?"

If she tried to persist, you just keep saying no it's too late in the day to get him back as you'd like her to be able to stay for a tea and to hear how their day was (probably a lie but hey...) before he has his dinner at 5pm. But the other class sounds perfect.

Batteriesallgone Wed 28-Dec-16 20:32:05

I agree with thebaker's suggestion. You need to go with her first time - if she's not used to looking after a baby the first time shouldn't be at a raucous pre-schooler group

Frouby Wed 28-Dec-16 20:36:13

Just say no and offer a more appropriate baby group earlier in the day.

If your dp insists then that's fine as long as he does bedtime and any night wakings that night.

ffsdoingmybest Wed 28-Dec-16 20:47:40

Thanks all. The frustrating thing is that he goes to a free class that he loves already on the day she will be having him - at a much earlier time! She says she wont take him to that one now because of the other later in the day....which i think is ridiculous.

I dont understand why she wants to do this other one as its miles away and late in the afternoon....but as i say, i will get endless grief from my oh because she pays no interest usually so i should be 'grateful'....!

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Dec-16 20:49:45

There's a huge back story I'm guessing OP?

ffsdoingmybest Wed 28-Dec-16 20:51:50

Navy...yup! War and Peace but less of the peace! 😂

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 28-Dec-16 20:53:11

There's something off here - why does she feel the need to take him to this particular class? It's most peculiar, especially as it's such a distance!

I'd actually refuse, as you already have him doing something else earlier in the day. BUT as a compromise, I'd go and see what this afternoon class is (the one she wants to take him to), along with her - see what it's all about and what the fuss is. Then, once you've done that, you can legitimately say to your OH that it's not appropriate, you've checked it out etc.

zizza Wed 28-Dec-16 20:54:26

What type of class are we talking about? I don't think any activity for a 1 year old is worth a nearly 1 hour drive!!

WingedSloath Wed 28-Dec-16 20:54:55

Your son will definitely fall asleep in the car so it would be a no from me purely on the time.

There is no need to bring up anything else. It's just no based on that. Do not get drawn into a discussion about it. Don't listen when she says it's only one day a week etc, it is you who has to deal with the fallout from the disruption to your son's day.

Ilovecaindingle Wed 28-Dec-16 20:56:29

Is it a ploy for her to suggest the baby stays overnight if the drive back will at a late ish time for tea /bath /bed?

Cocolepew Wed 28-Dec-16 20:57:40

I would say no, simply because he has a group that day that he loves. Why should he miss it?
Surely she could take him to that one.

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