To think my son is an ungrateful brat. I have gone badly wrong

[Skatingonthinice16]

Ds, aged 7, has always been demanding and hard work in lots of ways. But as he's grown older he's becoming increasingly rude. He was very ungrateful over Christmas presents and basically anything anyone does for him or with him isn't good enough.

My elderly parents took him out for the day today on a special day out. It was expensive for a start off but that isn't why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because they took a day out just for him doing something he would enjoy - it wasn't something they particularly would want to do otherwise. He left the house at 9am and they've just dropped him back. As soon as he walked in he picked up his iPad. I asked him to put it down just until my parents had gone and to tell me about his day. To which he went 'yeah yeah blah blah blah, I want my iPad.'
They'd seen a show so I asked him to show me the programme and he said 'shall I tell you some facts about my life? Number one it's sooooo boring.' And then to my parents: 'are you going now so I can play on my iPad?'
He's such an ungrateful little shit. It must be my fault. I've brought him up. I've gone wrong somewhere because he's horrible. I'm so annoyed with him I don't even want to talk to him. This isn't one off behaviour. This is behaviour we see a lot now. He hasn't been allowed his iPad. However it won't stop him behaving like this again. Nothing does.

Any advice??

[Lilaclily]

Well yes it wasn't great but did your parents say how he'd behaved all day ? Sometimes when you're on all day you do just need to be alone and chill for a bit until answering all the questions about how the day was

[addstudentdinners2]

I'd say allowing him to have his own iPad aged 7 is a big part of the problem.

[Skatingonthinice16]

Apparently he'd been ok during the show but they took him for lunch after at his favourite restaurant and it was very busy because lots of people were coming out of the show. Ds moaned a lot about how the people working there were idiots and why was it taking so long etc etc. Then it went downhill from there on in.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I'd take his iPad away permanently for a start.

He seems to have rather a mature way of speaking for a 7 year old. Does he watch a lot of TV?

[Dawndonnaagain]

Earn the wifi code. He has to be polite, helpful and kind. He may not want to be 'on' when he gets back after a day out, but there is absolutely no cause to be rude or unkind. My children had chores to do for pocket money, not only did they have to do them, they had to do them with good grace, so doing said chore in a nasty or passive aggressive manner would see money docked.

[Skatingonthinice16]

Mil bought it for him without consulting us. We limit its usage.

[Wolfiefan]

Do you tel him off every time he's rude? Does he lose privileges every time he's rude?
Do you buy him stuff a lot "just because?"
Does he always get his own way?

[Skatingonthinice16]

No he doesn't watch much tv but he speaks like an adult a lot of the time.

[Lilmisskittykat]

Sometimes when you're on all day you do just need to be alone and chill for a bit until answering all the questions about how the day was

I disagree... there is nothing wrong with teaching your kids manners. This is excusing bad behaviour.

[Wolfiefan]

Is he an only child?

[YouTheCat]

How long are you keeping him off the ipad?

At the first hint of ingratitude or shitty behaviour, I'd have brought him back. I realise your parents probably couldn't just do this though.

I'm seeing a lot of this kind of attitude in kids this age (mainly boys, but not exclusively). Tbh if I'd behaved like that I'd have been straight home in my room and would have had a very stern talking to. You need to be very clear about what is acceptable and also consistent to get the message across.

[BookHunter]

IPad away, early night and tomorrow he can write a thank you note to your parents.

[originalmavis]

Is this the normal behaviour? iPad goes then and is only allowed for a set time when homework, chores, readibg, bath etc has been done.

Don't rise to rudeness or bad behaviour but calmly punish - deduct 20p from pocket money for each but I'd cheek or ten mins from ipad time. Whatever will make him take notice.

Make sure he has jobs around the house - take out rubbish , clear table, tidy room, put our uniform etc. All this earns pocket money or iPad time etc.

Has he a set bedtime!

[Skatingonthinice16]

He's been worse since his sister was born last year. Harder to please and seems to have very high expectations of everything.
I do pull him up every time he's rude but I'm doing it almost constantly because to be honest he's rude almost constantly.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Apart from not giving him the iPad, what sanctions were in place?

I have two seven year olds and if they even dreamed of talking to someone - let alone someone who'd just brought them back from a treat! - like that, I would be furious and let them know. I would have made it very clear that they were to apologise and would make them understand that behaviour like that is unacceptable and won't be tolerated.

As it's the new year coming up, maybe sit him down and explain that some house rules will come into play. Manners will be enforced. Behaviour will be praise for punished. He's old enough for you to explain to him that you are very unhappy with his attitude and it has to change. i don't expect it will be easy, because he's also old enough to push back, but you need to strict boundaries and rules in place otherwise he might be a proper little shit as he gets older.

good luck!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

So a sharp " Excuse me young man, remember your manners please and talk politely" would be the first thing I said then followed up with "no more iPad for the next 2 days if you continue"

Tbh I wouldn't have questioned him the second he got in as I imagine he'd been on best behaviour all day.

A gobby 7 year old isn't unusual, they just need reminding.

[Skatingonthinice16]

Yes his behaviour is disgusting. It's hugely entitled. He never used to be like his. It seems to have got gradually worse but I can't pinpoint when it got this bad. Definitely worse since his sister was born. He also had some issues with children picking on him at school and it's got worse since then too.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I would take the iPad away, regardless of who gave it to him. Tell him that he will be getting it back, for strictly rationed use, when his attitude and behaviour improve.

He is 7, and you are the parent - don't let him ride rough-shod over you.

[anothermalteserplease]

He sounds a lot older than 7 with a very negative attitude. I'd start by permanently removing his iPad time and see if that improves things.

[MrsDustyBusty]

I'd confiscate it for the next year at least. And it sounds like a back to basics regime would do him no harm - household jobs to earn pocket money (in addition to his chores which should be a given at his age), possibly ask family for less exciting gifts until he can bring himself to be grateful?

It sounds like it's not just you - your parents and inlaws sound like you all bend over backwards to please him and sometimes that has the opposite result.

[JT05]

What a terrible way to speak and behave towards anyone! Some good advice from others up thread. You must take a firm hand now, otherwise you are going to have a dreadful uncontrolled teenager on your hands! Sound like you've got one already. Maybe some parenting advice?

[Shurelyshomemistake]

Whyyyyy do people think it's OK to say "is he an only child?" as if this might explain everything!?!? Folks, it's not a guarantee of an unruly, spoilt, ungrateful child. Come on!

[quicklydecides]

How much time does he spend in front of,/ on screens?
If you secretly time him next Saturday, actually watch him all his waking hours and count up the time spent in front of a screen.
Then count his outdoor minutes.
I bet his ratio is wrong.
He should be watching TV/ on iPad etc for max two hours.
He should be outdoors for at least as long.