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to confront mil

(14 Posts)
MadJeffBarn Wed 28-Dec-16 16:17:51

Confront isn't really the right word because I don't want to be confrontational at all, more reassure her. Before i start, I just want to make it clear that we really do appreciate her. She does a lot for us, and often offers to look after the kids for us. But there's something that really grates. She often lies about why she can't have them, or has to pick them up late. But I'm not really sure why! For example she offered to have the kids tonight because we have to have a post Christmas sort out, and said that she's tidying her own house up and won't be round until 3. Absolutely fine, I'm just grateful for the childcare. But then her housemate posts pictures of what they're upto today (making it clear that it's today) and I just don't understand why she feels the need to lie? If she wants to pick up the kids later she doesn't have to give us an explanation, we totally understand and I don't feel like we've ever given her reason to feel like she has to. She's now late because they're on their way back from wherever they've been, and that's fine too. I think that's the main point I'm trying to make, like we understand she has her own life and we don't demand anything of her at all, so why lie about it?

Foxysoxy01 Wed 28-Dec-16 16:23:30

Maybe it was last minute and she decided she would rather have a morning out and about rather than cleaning that she can do another time?

Lilaclily Wed 28-Dec-16 16:25:39

Why do you need to get rid of the kids to have a post Christmas sort out , I only ask cos I'm fenvyfwink

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Dec-16 16:26:03

Maybe because she has a life of her own too and sometimes other things come up that might be important?

Looking after the DC so you can have a "sort out" isn't like looking after them so you can have a night out!

I'd keep quiet if I were you.

MadJeffBarn Wed 28-Dec-16 16:27:31

This is just one example out of many. And she offered because she has the week off work, we didn't ask her.

Mulberry72 Wed 28-Dec-16 16:27:55

Perhaps she had a change of plan?

Bitofacow Wed 28-Dec-16 16:28:17

My DM does that. I am really not bothered about the reason she can/ can't do x. She can't so fine. If she wants to sit and watch telly eating chocs that's up to her. But she will lie to me about whatever and say she was scrubbing the floor with th cold waterhmm

I just ignore it. She does what she does, not worth a row. I am puzzled though.

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Dec-16 16:30:23

She's under no obligation to have them though and in your first post you say she does a lot for you.

Maybe she's feels put on.

MrsDustyBusty Wed 28-Dec-16 16:30:50

Maybe they just feel guilty and don't want you to think badly of them for changing plans for what may seem like a trivial reason?

MadJeffBarn Wed 28-Dec-16 16:33:03

bit I think that's what it is, I'm puzzled by it. Like I tried to make clear we don't pressure her into anything. She offered to have them today, like she normally does, if she can't look after them at our request we accept it, it's fine, no issue.

Bitofacow Wed 28-Dec-16 16:33:14

I think you are right MrsDusty - she helps we are grateful, she doesn't help well never mind.
I just think it is a shame she gets caught up in lies no one else is bothered about.

Potnoodlewilld0 Wed 28-Dec-16 17:14:29

She makes off the cuff pledges but then changes her mind when something better comes along - it's as simple as that.

Th next time she offers just say no.

My mil offered to look after dd while I went back to work - made a big song and dance about it. So a week before I was due back she informs us that she has booked a weeks holiday with her friend as it was cheap. Cue me frantically trying to find child care at short notice for a week on my first week back. I never trusted her again so that was the end of that.

BIgBagofJelly Wed 28-Dec-16 17:28:43

I think the point the OP is trying to make is she doesn't want her MiL to feel she has to justify not having the kids, it would be fine to say "I've had a change of plan so I won't have the kids" or even "I'm a bit tired actually I don't fancy having the kids". If her MiL feels the need to lie it makes it seem like she feels obligated and the OP doesn't want her MiL to feel that way.

MadJeffBarn Wed 28-Dec-16 19:55:11

bigbag thankyou, much more eloquent than how I put it 😂

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