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To ask for some straight talk as I am probably bu about my xmas present

(126 Posts)
Cindbelly Wed 28-Dec-16 16:01:05

I need some straight talking as a I am probably being unreasonable but getting angrier and more upset every time I look at my present.

DH is a Sahp and I am the sole wage earner. DS has asd and we can't find suitable childcare for him, DD does morning nursery sessions so no change in this likely to happen till at least September 2017 when DD goes full days and DH can look for part time work. -this is relevant as money is tight so no budget for big gifts for each other at the moment which I really am ok with.

Back in September DM asked me what I would like for xmas.
We discussed a particular watch and brand which I wanted (has several features that would be really useful for my health as it monitors blood pressure etc - but also I would like to wear it to work and I am already conscious that I can't afford the high end clothes the others in my office seem to favor so that brand is the one I want) I said at the time the watch is about £80 so too expensive but if she could give me some money toward it then I would be really grateful. We discussed all of this.
Nonsense says DM I will buy it, can easily afford it as I know that you won't get anything else due to only one wage coming in.
Anyway Boxing Day comes and we drive up to her house where she gives me, a lime green 'channel' bag, a toaster from the charity shop (had breadcrumbs in it) and a cheap nasty kids version of the watch I wanted complete with diamanté strap that is not changeable.

I'm so upset, and I probably sound ungrateful I told DH not to buy anything for me as DM was buying my watch, and in the 3 months since we discussed this I could have probably have saved enough to buy it myself.

I need some perspective, I'm 36 with 2 children and sulking because I didn't get the present I asked for...

Cindbelly Wed 28-Dec-16 16:02:42

Should have mentioned the reason for the anger is that everyone else (including DH) got lovely thoughtful gifts

BlueFolly Wed 28-Dec-16 16:03:53

YANBU. I would be soooo upset!

I'd just go out and buy myself the bloody watch.

zzzzz Wed 28-Dec-16 16:04:05

She's annoying but you are too old to be asking for specific items and getting upset if you don't get them. Return the watch and bag and put the money towards the watch you wanted.

Cagliostro Wed 28-Dec-16 16:04:39

Wow. No under the circumstances I don't think YABU. She made a big deal of the fact she would get it and it seems like she's making a point by not doing so. Especially if the others all got lovely presents

sj257 Wed 28-Dec-16 16:05:56

YANBU, she said she was buying you the watch and she hasn't

isthismummy Wed 28-Dec-16 16:06:57

I'm sure people will jump in shortly telling you the yabu. That its the thought that counts and you should be grateful for what you're given.

I do think yabu at all. Your dm promised you a gift and then didn't get it; giving you a cheap shitty version instead. It's just mean and I'd be upset too. Even worse when everyone else got such nice presents.

NancyDonahue Wed 28-Dec-16 16:07:12

A kids watch? Can you even get it on?


MavisTheTwinklyToreador Wed 28-Dec-16 16:07:14

They're certainly a weird collection of presents! What on earth was she thinking? Sounds like a total waste of money.

Very odd!

isthismummy Wed 28-Dec-16 16:07:31

Don't think rather...

Soubriquet Wed 28-Dec-16 16:09:14

No I don't think yabu either

You asked for money towards it and she insisted on buying it

I would be dissapointed too

EggnogChai Wed 28-Dec-16 16:11:53

Yanbu what's the point in asking and saying your going to get someone something if your just going to do the opposite

gamerchick Wed 28-Dec-16 16:14:46

That is odd. confused maybe decant the presents back to the charity shop. They're just going to irritate the crap out of you.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 28-Dec-16 16:16:11

Yanbu at all, she said she would get you the watch, and that she can easily afford it, that she knows your hard up and won't get any presents, and she presents you with a pile of crap, and not the watch that she said she would get. She should have just given you the money she paid for the crap, so that you could put toward the watch.

KnittedBlanketHoles Wed 28-Dec-16 16:16:46

Yanbu it's horrible to receive tat, but especially when you've been promised something nice

Cindbelly Wed 28-Dec-16 16:17:39

Hmm this not helping though I do feel annoy better that I've not over reacted

I will buy one myself but with a DD January birthday it will be April or may before I've been able to put the money aside.
Bag and toaster will go to the Chazza, I will have to wear the watch on DDs birthday or DM will be upset. I think it's an eBay China job too much hassle to return,

ScarletForYa Wed 28-Dec-16 16:18:00

I'd be annoyed.

I'm not a labels snob but neither would I wear a knock off.

Does your Mother realise the bag and watch are junk?

ThanksForAllTheFish Wed 28-Dec-16 16:18:30

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. She made a big deal about buying if for you in the first place and as you said you could have saved enough and bought your own by now, but you didn't as you were promised the watch as a gift for Christmas.

I will hazard a guess the watch you wanted was a Fitbit or similar. She has got you a cheaper version with similar features but as such it won't have the ability to connect to the app/ join in with friends challenges etc. The non changeable diamanté strap thing would annoy me too as it's one of the good things about these watches.

Perhaps your DM didn't quite understand why these watches are not actually the same thing. Similar yes but not the same. She probably thought she had found a bargain or that the brand name didn't matter as the watches do the same thing. I would suggest selling/ returning the cheap copy and putting the funds towards the watch you want. If your mum asks why just tell her the watch doesn't have all the features you need and you would rather save for the one you want.

Laiste Wed 28-Dec-16 16:20:10

Could you ask her if she has the receipts and could you possibly return the bag and the watch as they're not quite right and you can then put the money towards THAT WATCH YOU DISCUSSED REMEMBER MUM?!

She's your mum. You should be able to be honest with her. If one of my DDs came to me and said the above kindly i'd be fine. (and worried about why i'd forgotten the whole watch convo! wink)

gamerchick Wed 28-Dec-16 16:20:16

Are you going to wear it every time you see her so she doesn't see the new one?

Start as you mean to go on man. Give it to the bairn or something so it gets some use (if she likes that sort of thing)

Lucked Wed 28-Dec-16 16:23:34

I don't think you should wear it. What are you going to say in April?

littleshirleybeans Wed 28-Dec-16 16:23:40

I wouldn't wear it and if I was asked why, I'd say "it's not the one that you said you'd get me. If there was a problem getting it, I'd rather you'd told me and I'd have waited to get it myself."
Might sound ungrateful but I can't understand her motivation in getting what she did. Who gives a second hand toaster with crumbs in it as a Christmas present? (Disclaimer; unless someone has specifically said that they wanted it!)

Bluntness100 Wed 28-Dec-16 16:23:53

Maybe she couldn't actually afford it? It seems the most plausible reason, she's committed and then realised she couldn't, so bought some other crap instead. Clearly she shouldn't have committed if it wasn't feasible.

However, I'd shrug it off if I was you. You don't need to show off or compete with your work mates. 💐

ScarletForYa Wed 28-Dec-16 16:28:40

By the way I wouldn't get angry with her,I would just make a note to self for the future to not allow her commandeer any gifts in future.

SawdustInMyHair Wed 28-Dec-16 16:28:47


If you were just angling for an expensive present and didn't get it, that's one thing, but if you've discussed it and then (rather than saying they can't afford it, changed their mind, or whatever, which is fair enough) they get you something actively awful I'd be pissed off too!

It's not as if you just didn't get the watch, she could have given money towards it rather than lump you with a load of tat you don't want to keep in your house!

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