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AIBU?

To think completely blanking someone is not normal behaviour??

98 replies

BoBo16 · 28/12/2016 11:20

Scenario - me, DH and dog in the kitchen.

I say "do you want a wee?" To dog. DH then says to dog "go on, out for a wee". Proof he can hear me, right?

I open back door and say "wow have you seen how frosty the grass is??". DH stood almost next to me, says nothing. I repeat "have you seen how frosty it is out here?". Again, nothing. I look at him and say "you ignoring me?" He looks at me but continues washing up. I go into living room, came back in kitchen, give him the benefit of the doubt and say "have you seen the frost outside? Just have a look out of the window ... ". Again, nothing.

I playfully dig him in the ribs and joke "hey! Why are you ignoring me??" (Assuming of course that he's doing it for a joke) and he snaps "WHAT? All I can hear is the kettle going and you rattling on! I can't even hear what you're saying!". 😲 So I little taken aback I say "well why didn't you say you couldn't hear me instead of having me repeat something four times and just ignore me!" So he says "because I didn't know if you was talking to me or the dog or what!".

??? So much bullshit, I talk to the dog yeah but I don't repeat things over and over if the fucking thing doesn't respond!! I'd even said to him directly "are you ignoring me?" And he ignored that!!

I even approached him jokingly in the end about being ignored and got my head bit off!

He does have a habit of just ignoring me when he can't be arsed to talk but not normally to that extent!

AIBU to be upset and to think it isn't normal behaviour? I suppose I'm more upset because it's the first (and only!) day I've had off work since Christmas Eve - I've been looking forward to it but now I kind of feel like he doesn't want me around

OP posts:

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53rdAndBird · 28/12/2016 11:22

He does have a habit of just ignoring me when he can't be arsed to talk

You realise that isn't normal either, right?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/12/2016 11:25

It's not normal, it's spiteful and he's being a twat.

gandalf456 · 28/12/2016 11:26

Has henjoyed had his ears checked? I'm deaf in one ear and often appear to ignore people because I genuinely miss things without realising. The kettle would be enough for me to drown out a voice or at least not understand it

BoBo16 · 28/12/2016 11:30

If he'd said "sorry? I can't hear you" I could put it down to a hearing problem but I was stood right next to him and said it 3 times, as well as asking if he was ignoring me. Plus when challenged on it he snapped (suggesting that he'd heard it a few times now) and said he didn't know if I was talking to the dog or not??? I know I'm a bit unhinged at the moment but I'm not that far gone that I'd stand there asking the dog why he was ignoring me!! 😂

OP posts:

SheldonsSpot · 28/12/2016 11:32

I dunno, my mum witters on quite a bit, chatting to herself, the cat, and I just switch off after a while as it's all just white noise.

BoBo16 · 28/12/2016 11:41

I wasn't just wittering on though and don't tend to be like that! I was simply asking him a question. Making conversation with my husband which I thought was pretty standard behaviour? Or are we all supposed to just sit around in silence?

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 28/12/2016 11:51

Is he hinting? Are you supposed to ask him whats wrong? Then he says 'nothing' and you ask again then eventually it comes out you made a minor transgression 3 weeks ago and he's been waiting for you to notice.

All games playing is twattery.

peekyboo · 28/12/2016 11:52

If he wanted to put you off talking to him for the rest of the day then his job is done!
This seems like the tip of a big, obnoxious iceberg. The question isn't why was he blanking you but why does he not care enough to listen while you talk :(

caroldecker · 28/12/2016 11:52

Deaf people, particularly those who are losing hearing are very reluctant to bring attention to it and try to cope. His aggressive reaction, whilst wrong, appears to confirm he is angry he got it wrong.
Suggest a hearing test and you read Deaf Sentence by David Lodge.

category12 · 28/12/2016 11:57

If he's normally a nice bloke, then I would go with the possible hearing loss explanation. If his ears come back fine, then he's a stroppy arse.

FoggyMorn · 28/12/2016 11:58

Maybe he's being an arse and Ignoring you...

But maybe there's something medical going on... any chance he could be having some sort of absence seizures? He might then get defensive if he realises he's been "out of it".

Probably a long shot tho

BoBo16 · 28/12/2016 11:58

He isn't losing his hearing, he hears everything else, just not me (when it suits). Also like I said, who would let someone repeat something 3 times and continue to not respond?? My mum is very hard of hearing but even she wouldn't just not respond to someone stood next to them talking. Even if he'd said when I first asked if he was ignoring me "no I'm not, I just can't hear what you're saying" but to continue to outright blank me like that? Nah I'm not buying it. He knew I was talking to him as he looked directly at me at one point and still looked away without a response.

OP posts:

BipBippadotta · 28/12/2016 11:58

Another one here saying I suspect there's a hearing problem. A good friend of mine was like this for a long time - not hearing things, particularly when there was background noise, and getting a bit prickly and mardy if you called attention to it. It was somehow less of a blow to his pride for others to think he wasn't listening, then to admit he hadn't heard. He finally got hearing aids (in his 30s he had the level of hearing loss standard for a 70-year-old) and it's changed his life and he's much more cheerful! But it took him a very long time to come to terms with the fact he wasn't hearing properly.

BipBippadotta · 28/12/2016 11:58

Oops, cross-posted.

BoBo16 · 28/12/2016 11:59

If it was hearing it would happen with other people. Not just me.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 28/12/2016 12:02

maybe he needs silence and hasn't figured that out himself? I'm convinced a lot of rows and irritation are down to that.

galaxygirl45 · 28/12/2016 12:03

OP my DH is losing his hearing, and he gets hugely defensive/angry when I point out he hasn't heard something...... They told DH he needed a hearing aid, he was missing about 60% of his hearing but he's a stubborn stupid arse who won't get one. He really struggles in the kitchen more than anywhere if the kettle/washing machine is on. I feel sorry for him but his refusal to do anything about it means I also won't repeat conversations if we're out etc as I'm not being his enabler. In a quiet calm moment, I would suggest perhaps that he gets his hearing checked..........

caroldecker · 28/12/2016 12:05

OP (and others) please read the book. It is the best description I have come across of the difficulties people with hearing loss have and the complete insensitivity / confusion society has about it.

BipBippadotta · 28/12/2016 12:10

As for the 'why can he only not hear me', it also could be that your voice is a a frequency that's particularly hard for him to hear clearly when there's background noise. Deeper voices can be easier to distinguish. Also when you were chatting to the dog presumably the kettle wasn't on yet?

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 28/12/2016 12:10

My OH was like this sometimes and I think it was due to his mother wittering on - he got into the habit of switching off. Also he was trying to think of something clever to say in reply - I told him that I didn't expect a clever answer, just any answer at all would be acceptable.
He may have been preoccupied, not necessarily being rude on purpose.

LordEmsworth · 28/12/2016 12:12

Are you by any chance in the habit of sometimes talking to yourself?

My mum will sit in the living room with me and natter away - commenting on the tv program, reading bits of newspaper out loud, wondering aloud whether she remembered to turn the cooker off and things. When I respond she looks astonished as she wasn't talking to me - just talking.

But it means that when she does talk to me, I don't always realise that I'm meant to answer. She then gets annoyed that I am not answering, whereas I've tuned out the talking and am in my own little world...

53rdAndBird · 28/12/2016 12:14

Sounds like the reason OP knows it's not hearing loss is that he does have a habit of being rude/dismissive to her in general, and this is just one particularly bad example.

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53rdAndBird · 28/12/2016 12:15

(Although, OP, if that's right and you know he's just being really rude to you - what are you asking?)

YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/12/2016 12:17

My vote is for twattery.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2016 12:18

OP, I am sorry that yet again people appear to not be able to hear you

I believe you that your ignorant husband heard you just fine. I think the much more likely reason for him blanking you is that he thinks himself above such mortal activities as passing the time of day with his wife

So, what does that say about your relationship ?

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