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To worry that I won't love DC2 like I love my DD?

(45 Posts)
JoyfulAndTriumphant Wed 28-Dec-16 01:18:50

Is this a common concern?

I'm pregnant (11+1) with DC2. Have DD, aged 2. She's fab, she's our whole world. We wanted a second so much, a sibling for DD, complete our little family etc.

It has been a rough pregnancy so far. I'm finding it hard to feel much excitement, if I'm honest, but I can't admit that in real life. I simply can't imagine loving this child like I love DD.

IHeartKingThistle Wed 28-Dec-16 01:21:50

Pregnancy can be a worrying time. As parents we worry about many things.

I promise you, this is not one of the things you need to worry about smile

nicenewdusters Wed 28-Dec-16 01:27:09

Another promise from me. You wonder where the love's going to come from second time around. It's so overwhelming the first time you can't believe you have any in reserve. Trust me, it's a bottomless pit.

acornsandnuts Wed 28-Dec-16 01:31:46

Your love will double..and if you have another it will treble.

HiHoHeidi Wed 28-Dec-16 01:31:47

In my experience, what I initially felt when I had my second child was completely different to how I felt when I had my first child. I don't think I bonded in the same way, I didn't feel so protective (everyone told me that I'd 'relax' more with my second child). In the end I put it down to just not having the same amount of time to spend with my second child as my eldest needed me too.

I now feel the same about both of them but it took me over two years to develop a similar bond with my second child. But you will get there. Once she or he develops his or her own personality, you will care for both of them equally.

Mintychoc1 Wed 28-Dec-16 01:35:02

Like many parents, I truly believed I couldn't love DC2 as much as I loved DC1, and throughout my pregnancy I just hoped it would never be too obvious.
By as soon as DC2 was born I realised I had nothing to worry about. The extra love just appeared.

1pink4blue Wed 28-Dec-16 01:35:54

I remember when i was pregnant with ds2 i felt exactly the same.
I cried and told my mum that i was worried that i wouldn't love ds2 like i loved ds1
She told me that of course i would love ds2 when he was born and she was right.
I love him just as much as ds1 and i love ds3 and 4 and dd just as much.
i never felt like that when i was expecting my next three babies.
I think lots of us have these feelings when pregnant with dc2 because we cant imagine what its like to love another baby as much as you love your first but you just do.

RainyDayBear Wed 28-Dec-16 01:38:04

Only one child here, but I remember worrying that I wouldn't love DD as much as the cat blush Am sure you will love your new baby just as much as DD.

steff13 Wed 28-Dec-16 03:42:56

I felt the same. I couldn't imagine ever loving anyone as much as I loved #1 son, but in reality I love #2 son and the girl one just as much.

AmeliaJack Wed 28-Dec-16 03:55:09

Your heart has no limits. There is always more room for love.

ZeroDarkHurty Wed 28-Dec-16 04:02:14

I found that when ds2 was born I loved him just the way I loved ds1 when he was tiny (ds1 was 4.5 years old when ds2 was born so the 'omg he's amazing' kind of tiny baby and toddler feeling had abated somewhat). What I hadn't expected was that my feelings for ds1 shifted slightly literally the day ds2 arrived. I felt less hyper-protective of him, less obsessed (for what of a better word) with him...I guess less pfb! I loved him just as much but it was less all-consuming. At first that astonished me but then I liked it as it meant it I had more space mentally for ds2.

2ndSopranos Wed 28-Dec-16 07:47:47

I felt the same. I'm an only and I was so worried I wouldn't be equipped to love more than one child.

I read a thread at the time where a similar question was asked and one poster said it's like there's "an extra sprong of love that appears the moment another child does" and it's completely true.

thecatsarecrazy Wed 28-Dec-16 07:50:30

I felt like this but I love my boys both exactly the same. Even though my youngest is a little monkey grin

GreenRut Wed 28-Dec-16 07:52:45

Someone said to me once when I was pregnant with dc2, each child brings the love with them which I thought was a nice way to put it. OP, you really will love the new baby just as much, maybe in a different way but just as much

FreshHorizons Wed 28-Dec-16 07:55:24

You are over thinking this as if love is a finite thing and because someone has it there is none left over! It doesn't work like that. You will love DC2 just as much without taking anything away from DC1.

pklme Wed 28-Dec-16 07:56:43

It's a really common worry. My DSis had nightmares about having to choose between them, while pregnant with DS2,
It'll be fine. It maybe different, but it will be fine. Probably healthy too, to protect DC1 from being pushed out by DC2!

Snowflake65 Wed 28-Dec-16 07:57:31

Felt exactly the same when pg with DD but it's normal I think.

GinIsIn Wed 28-Dec-16 07:59:19

33+5 with DC1 here & convinced I won't love the baby as much as the dog! smile

DameSquashalot Wed 28-Dec-16 10:55:30

DH is so convinced that he couldn't love a second child as much, that he doesn't want another baby.

Before I had DD I had no idea it was possible to love someone so much, but the love just comes.

Based on what PPs have said, I'm sure the love will be there.

JustHavinABreak Wed 28-Dec-16 11:04:04

Don't worry. It's so normal it's practically a pregnancy symptom! But there's this amazing multiplier effect with love and more babies. You'll look back on this worry and smile that you ever thought it would be an issue. There's something really special about seeing the love between your babies too.

Branleuse Wed 28-Dec-16 13:41:16

almost everyone worries about this at first.

UnoriginalNN Wed 28-Dec-16 13:45:25

I am 31w and have worried about this, although I do know I'm being silly. It's just hard to imagine loving anyone else as much as DD! Congratulations, I hope you start to feel better soon. That first tri can be rough

manhowdy Wed 28-Dec-16 13:45:32

Completely normal. I wondered until very recently if I could possibly love this baby as much as my DD (am 37 weeks). Every week that goes by now I love my unborn child more and more and I now know they will be/are equals in my affection. It's a really recent realisation though!

pinkieandperkie Wed 28-Dec-16 13:46:11

I felt exactly the same but I promise you that you love them all as much as the first. I know that you don't think it possible to love another baby as much but you just do.

YourDaughterHasATattoo Wed 28-Dec-16 13:58:37

This poem helped me (made me cry buckets too! bloody hormones )
Loving Two

As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her - as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times - only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

~Author Unknown~

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