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AIBU re: mother/anxiety

(3 Posts)
user1471603380 Tue 27-Dec-16 22:33:59

My mum and I have a fairly mixed relationship; we get on well when we're not together, but the second we are everything seems to go to sh*t.

My DP and I went to my parents' house for Christmas. We have a big celebration with family friends on Christmas Eve which is always v. drunken.

I suffer with anxiety (which I am being treated for) and alcohol does exacerbate this, which I know and suffer the consequences of the next day.

I tend not to talk to my DM about my anxiety, partly because I don't like talking about it in general and partly because I feel she tends to make it about herself; what she has done wrong as a parent to cause my issues.

By the end of the evening we had all had quite a bit to drink; my DM and I ended up having a drunken argument about my anxiety, with her blaming me for my anxiety and saying that it was 'all my fault'.

The next day was Christmas Day, I woke up feeling very hungover and hurt. Went downstairs, saw DM, she said 'Let's be friends, it is Christmas' but I just can't get over this. We barely spoke the rest of Christmas and I have no real desire to speak to her for a while. I know that she will try to twist this/tell me that's not what she said.

AIBU? I don't know what to do here; I don't want to fall out with my DM but I also want her to understand that she has really hurt me.

Allthewaves Tue 27-Dec-16 22:42:15

You were both drunk. Guessing 'let's be friends' was your mums version of an apology.

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-Dec-16 00:35:58

user1471603380 I am sorry this was a crap time for you.

I am not going to answer whether you are being unreasonable because I am not sure this is the issue.

Just so you know I had anxiety about 18 years ago, my gp referred me to the hospital and I had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I made a complete recovery from the anxiety although I recognise an underlying OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which has been around since my teens.

I think the most vital thing is to get the help you need.

So I think rather than accrediting blame at this stage you should learn some lessons from this experience.

Clearly alcohol doesn't help your anxiety, so you need to be very careful about drinking, maybe choose to only drink in 'safe' company, or at home/just with dp, or not at all until this anxierty is resolved.

Clearly discussing anxiety with your mum doesn't give you the closures you are looking for. Speak to your counsellor or therapist about the best way to 'handle' your mum and your relationship with her while exploring treatment for your anxiety.


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