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To be so precious about my DD's naps?

(108 Posts)
Silversun83 Tue 27-Dec-16 18:50:21

I have a very active, non-stop seven-month-old. She is very interested in anything and everything (mainly the things she's not allowed hmm). I think partly due to this, she's not one of those babies who can just nap anywhere. She's also quite a light sleeper and after the last time of trying to get her to nap at a friend's house (I think she was just over three months old), I started putting her in her cot for most daytime sleeps and just sort of built my day around when she was sleeping. And when she's not going through a development leap and trying to climb, crawl, whatever, in her cot, she naps there pretty well. She does also sleep in the car but doesn't seem to sleep as well as in the cot; she still always seems tired!

Anyway, over the past four days, there have been events with DH's family on three of them. Due to DD's napping pattern however, we have only been at them for 1.5-2 hours.. And now it seems as though his parents hate me for us leaving early (twice for her bedtime and once for a nap). I have had so many cold shoulders and judgement from PILs and his grandparents, all for prioritising my DD's sleep?! She has just started crawling, is teething and has recently dropped her third nap so is extra-tired at the moment. Comments have included:

From grandmother: I always used to put my children to bed at 6.30pm too but if we were out, they would just stay up!

From grandfather: Ah, leave her be! She's happy! (Yes, she is a very happy baby and that is because SHE NAPS. I know she's getting tired, why would I want her to get so tired that she's UNhappy??)

From FIL: You're leaving already? Can't you put her to sleep upstairs? (Where, exactly? Your spare room which could be a good place for your grandchildren to sleep has been transformed into an office for your kidult other son who no longer lives there to work his 'home-based' job from).

And just general snipey remarks from MIL and overt-attention to BIL's children who fit in around what their parents are doing. Which is fair enough, but that's not the way I parent.

His parents by the way live very close-by and we always try and make the effort to see them once a week.

Yes, DD is my PFB and I have struggled a bit with parenthood. I admit I do get anxious about her sleep and worry about her getting overtired etc. But I'm just doing my best sad And she's thriving and such a happy baby 95% of the time so surely I'm doing something right? I admit I'm a bit pre-menstrual but his family's reactions have upset me!

ragz134 Tue 27-Dec-16 18:54:31

YABU and a bit PFB. But that's your choice as a parent. It is your relatives choice to comment on it. Your choice to take the comments personally...

tighterthanscrooge Tue 27-Dec-16 18:54:37

Could you take a travel cot and put her in PILs room for a sleep?

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 27-Dec-16 18:56:47

You may get a hard time OP but I think YANBU. I had a difficult sleeper and at that age if, for example, she napped at 3pm rather than 2pm, she was up until at least 9pm and it was exhausting. Even a 5 minute nap would knock her routine out.

I soon learned the only way to actually get her down before 8pm was to make sure she napped at x y and z times. That often meant leaving family parties early (even when people said "pop her in the bed upstairs" it would have been futile as she didn't just nap anywhere, but the car worked a treat). If I did relent and stay longer I regretted it later, as she would fall asleep on the late journey home. I felt bad for going home early but thought at the time it's not my mother or auntie or friend who has to put her to bed tonight, it's easy for them to say "she'll be fine" when they don't have a clue, and it won't be like this this time next year. I was right!

Try not to beat yourself up about it!

DailyFail1 Tue 27-Dec-16 18:57:06

My sil sis and all of my cousins take baby sleep equipment with them and put kids to sleep wherever they are. Things like sleep pods/boxes or travel cots. It's really strange to cut visits short just for naps and def not the usual thing.

AngryVagina Tue 27-Dec-16 18:57:53

Meh, yes and no. At 7mo it's much easier than when they're toddlers to break routine. And you do end up making allowances for holidays etc. That said my DD is one of those that takes a few days to get back into her routine if it's broken and it's a belly ache for everyone involved so I do get it. Travel cot is a good idea if it works!

DailyFail1 Tue 27-Dec-16 18:58:07

They all have difficult sleepers btw. Once still has to be swaddled at 9 months to have any hope of sleeping.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 27-Dec-16 18:58:20

Also why are his family sniping at you? Next time tell them to take it up with their son who is also her parent 🙄

BeanCalledPickle Tue 27-Dec-16 18:59:29

Mine are now 3.5 and 20 months and we have generally worked around nap time. The small one will likely drop in a year or two so I figure it's not much longer. I have been criticised similarly but it works for us. My children are nicer individuals when allowed to sleep in their beds at predictable times BUT I reluctantly concede that the world didn't end when they very occasionally missed them. And certainly now they go to nursery they fit with their routine. So whilst I totally get it and felt exactly the same as you it probably would be ok if you missed the occasional nap. But only for things that you think are worth the disruption!!

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 27-Dec-16 19:01:28

There's no way my DD would've napped in a travel cot, not all babies are like that, it used to baffle me make me jealous when people put pictures on their kids on FB napping on the floor half way through play time! confused unless it was the car, or in a pitch black room with no chance of a pin dropping within a 3 mile radius, DD refused to sleep.

Araminta99 Tue 27-Dec-16 19:01:51

YABU. Sorry.

Munted Tue 27-Dec-16 19:02:12

Nope, not U at all. My first DS was high needs, high energy and super sensitive and could go from relatively happy to inconsolable for 45 minutes if he missed a sleep window. He was a difficult baby and for both our sakes I prioritised his sleep above all else.

I think its hard for people who have easy going babies to understand. A friend of mine had her DS at the same time as mine and he was ultra portable and happy to sleep anywhere. She then had a DD who was exactly like my DS and she shamefacedly told me that she had privately thought I had been a bit PFB at the time but now she totally got it!!

So it's a big UANBU from me. Hang in there and just do what you need to do brew

OfDragonsDeep Tue 27-Dec-16 19:02:25

Our Christmas visits have been planned around DS's naps and I don't care. I've told people what time we're free to see them and they've all been happy (well, they haven't moaned to our faces!) He is also non stop while he's awake and sleeps best in his cot at home.

If she sleeps well with your current routine and is happy then stick with it. It's not like it's going to be every Christmas forever more.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 27-Dec-16 19:04:03

Have you considered having people round yours over the holidays then no one can moan that they haven't seen you but you can put DD down for a nap (assuming she can nap through the noise downstairs)?

Hidihihidiho Tue 27-Dec-16 19:05:37

I'm also been called precious for making sure I plan my day around babies naps. She only has two now and I try to make sure she is either in her cot or car seat. She needs the sleep and it's important, plus she won't sleep in a pushchair or if anything else is going on!
The Christmas period has thrown her routine to completely out and we are now paying for it!
She's your baby and you know her best so do what you believe to be best for your daughter and try not to listen to in laws!
Maybe if they had to deal with the fall out of missed naps they'd be more sympathetic!

Caterina99 Tue 27-Dec-16 19:06:01

It's a difficult one. I'm quite precious about DS (18m) routine for the same reasons as you and in my opinion it gets harder when they are toddlers and just have the one long nap right in the middle of the day! I used to get more stressed about it, but now I realize that it's just one day - it doesn't make much difference in the long run

However travel cot, dark room, iPhone playing the same music as he has at bedtime and he seems fine. Not as quite good as home but definitely good enough to get through the day.

I'd advise putting her down for a nap or bedtime at relatives house. If it all goes belly up then you can leave anyway but surely you don't have much to lose?

ApocalypseNowt Tue 27-Dec-16 19:06:43

Ahhh, it's a bit of six of one and half a dozen of the other.

YAB a bit U and PFB but I was quite strict about naps with both my DC. Happy baby = overexcited and a 3 hour scream fest later.

Could you/they get a travel cot so you could start putting her down there if you need to?

However I would say that if i've been at my IL's for two hours I think that's a fair showing and would have no qualms about taking off especially if it makes your life easier.

Heirhelp Tue 27-Dec-16 19:07:51

I am jealous of your baby napping in a cot. My nearly 8 month will only nap laying on me or DH or in a pram that is being pushed constantly. We do have some flexibility over timings. I am not jealous enough to try and change it as she is very unhappy when tired.

notagiraffe Tue 27-Dec-16 19:09:22

YANBU. I had to do this too. My babies slept very poorly during the night and needed their naps - so did I.
People will always judge mothers for raising their children differently from how they raised their own. Try not to react and it will blow over. I bet in the long run you'll get some compliments for being attentive to your children's needs and prioritising them over the adults. It's only for a couple of years.

EZA15 Tue 27-Dec-16 19:09:46

I agree with every single thing cherrychasing has said. YANBU, my lg has always been a difficult sleeper and, so, would also work my day around her. I used to constantly hear the old adage 'happy mother, happy baby' yet the same people would get their knickers in a twist when it meant not following their plans!

PumpkinPie2016 Tue 27-Dec-16 19:10:05

YANBU - my son no longer naps but when he did, I very much worked around that. He wasn't a baby/toddler who would nap anywhere - he just wouldn't. The car or on a long walk in the pram were the only options. In the pram, if you parked it up he would wake up.

He's 3 now and we still come home for his bedtime - we can sometimes push it back half an hour but that's it.

I read comments on here such as 'go for a walk to get them to sleep, then they can sleep in the pram while you have a meal', 'take a travel for and pop them upstairs to sleep', 'let them call asleep in the car and then transfer them to bed' etc.

All of the above would have ended in disaster with my son! Eventually, I just accepted that he needed to sleep at certain times and I'm certain places and if people don't like it - tough!

OohNoDooEy Tue 27-Dec-16 19:10:12

You've got another 3 years or so of naps so you need to find a way of doing them outside of your own house - either a travel cot or pushchair with a snooze shade but yanbu, especially wrt bedtime.., just laugh it off with an offer for them
To deal with the consequences at 3am.

5moreminutes Tue 27-Dec-16 19:13:16

YANBU

People are so judgemental and pretend to believe you are being ruled by the baby, but you are actually doing what makes your life work, rather than being a martyr to your in-laws by doing something that you know will make your next 24 hours miserable in order to be a meek and mild people pleaser for them.

This is what people with kids who sleep anywhere or sleep in always miss - in their smuggery they are actually telling women to put themselves last and suffer the consequences of dealing with an overtired baby in order to please the grandparents or whoever.

tiggytape Tue 27-Dec-16 19:15:12

I think its hard for people who have easy going babies to understand. A friend of mine had her DS at the same time as mine and he was ultra portable and happy to sleep anywhere. She then had a DD who was exactly like my DS and she shamefacedly told me that she had privately thought I had been a bit PFB at the time but now she totally got it!!

YANBU and I totally agree with this^^^

Many people will say: you are being PFB, babies are portable, just get them used to varied routines, let them stay up, let them nap elsewhere..... But they have never had the double whammy of a completely non-potable baby who absolutely won't sleep elsewhere and a baby who can't just do without a nap for one day without a week of misery afterwards.

Having had a laid back one but also the double whammy of a nap-needing and non-portable baby then YANBU to make sure you stay in the usual routine for your own sanity's sake.

RichardBucket Tue 27-Dec-16 19:18:57

YABU. In general, yes, do what you need to do. But for a special occasion for a few days? Be a bit flexible. Your daughter isn't the only member of your family.

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