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To want MIL to just leave now?

(37 Posts)
C0dy Tue 27-Dec-16 14:26:09

Every year she visits and every year I can't wait for her to go. All she seems to have done this year is make rude comments about everyone and everything ranging from the food, to the presents to people's appearance. My kids find her hilarious but I really can't bring myself to enjoy anything about her.

She didn't buy one of my boys (who is admittedly 19) and hasn't done for about 10 years because he wasn't 'greatful enough' for a gift when he was about 7. She bought the rest wildly unsuitable gifts except for my 17yo (her 'best grandchild') who she seems to have spent about £500 on! They aren't even bothered about the presents - most of them are adults now - but why bother buying at all? She asks what they like and then just ignores it.

Today she seems to have topped it all. She is really miserly when it comes to food and if she makes cheese on toast at home it involves mixing flour, milk and the smallest amount of cheese ever to make into a sauce to spread on bread. When she does it at someone's else house she uses masses of cheese and makes 'normal' cheese on toast.

She announced she wanted some. DH offered to make it but she said she would do it herself. DH said fine just don't use anything in DS7's tub but help yourself to anything else.

She has used all the cheese from his tub. I am really annoyed as I know she did it deliberately as there was loads of other cheese (admittedly not the same flavour).

I just want her to leave. She is supposed to be here until Thursday but she is just so unpleasant. DH has just said about it and she offered to scrape some of the melted cheese off the toast to put back in the fridge! confused

DS has allergies and can't eat a lot of 'normal' Christmas food so we keep a tub of things he can eat that he enjoys (if anyone is wondering about the whole tub thing).

I wouldn't mind but it's not even about the cheese. She clearly just doesn't have any respect for anyone in the household.

WIBU to insist DH asks her to leave?

haveacupoftea Tue 27-Dec-16 14:28:13

Stick it out another day or two. She's a pain in the arse but she's here now. You can do it!

Aderyn2016 Tue 27-Dec-16 14:30:59

I would kick someone out of my house who played favourites with my children.
Tbh, I don't know why you allowed this to happen - you know what she is like and you allowed her into your home to do it again. I know I sound harsh but I really wish some MNers would locate their spines and stop allowing their relatives to walk all over them. It only hapoens because you've allowed it.

redexpat Tue 27-Dec-16 14:31:21

She needs to replace the cheese or she wont be welcome to stay again. Crap presents is one thing but eating food meant for one person who cannot eat the normal stuff is bang out of order.

redexpat Tue 27-Dec-16 14:32:07

Ive changed my mind. She replaces the cheese AND she is never welcome again.

SheldonsSpot Tue 27-Dec-16 14:34:44

She spent £500 on one of your children and got the other one absolutely nothing?

Shame on you for allowing and putting up with that, disgusting.

ShowMePotatoSalad Tue 27-Dec-16 14:34:48

The comments on this thread are going to be...diverse.

OP, why am I imagining the grandma from George's Marvellous Medicine? She sounds like a bit of a handful, to say the least.

Taking the cheese from DS's tub...hmmm, so she doesn't believe in his allergy then?

I want to know more about what happened when DS 19 didn't get a gift but watched DS 17 opening 500 big ones worth of goods...how did she explain it? What was said? Set the scene for us, OP.

MaisieDotes Tue 27-Dec-16 14:35:14

How annoying. When you say DS7 is he 7 years old or your 7th DS?

I can't imagine depriving a 7 year old of his special food.

Inertia Tue 27-Dec-16 14:37:51

She only does it because you allow her to.

I would be very reluctant to give house room to anyone who tried to divide my children like that. She has proven that she will eat all of the only food that her own allergy-sufferer grandchild can have in order to prove a point in the most spiteful manner - she sounds like a nasty piece of work.

C0dy Tue 27-Dec-16 14:44:19

My kids aren't really bothered. DS7 is 15 (he's my 7th son), he was a bit put out but my eldest has nipped to the shops anyways so will get him some more.

In terms of setting the scene we opened all are presents Christmas Day morning and then MIL arrived with all her gifts. DS 19 knew he wouldn't get anything so watched everyone else open theirs and tried to suppress his laughter at watching his brothers fein interest in the their presents.

DS 17 always get something expensive. We have had arguments every year about it. This year he opened a watch and there was a money wallet with £300 in. DH tried to make MIL take the gifts back but she wasn't having it. The money has since been split between my 3 youngest (19yo, 17yo and 15yo - this was 17yo's idea) but MIL doesn't know this.

I did ban her a few years ago but the boys think she is hilarious and DH did the whole 'it's my mum' thing so I relented. She spent all afternoon on Christmas Day moaning about the food but luckily I didn't cook this year so it was DH's ear she chewed off about it.

I do try and stand my ground with it but I find it hard. The kids genuinely don't mind (I think if they did I would find it easier to insist she didn't come).

AdmiralCissyMary Tue 27-Dec-16 14:47:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noschooll4mee Tue 27-Dec-16 14:54:08

I'm afraid I would never let my children experience that difference in gifts ! She'd have been spoken to long before now... you have a way bigger issue than cheese !😤ffs !! Get her told or she's gone until she treats all your children equally-whatever her private feeling GSM

ArcheryAnnie Tue 27-Dec-16 15:01:22

I like the cut of your DS 17's jib in sharing the money with his brothers.

MsGameandWatch Tue 27-Dec-16 15:03:50

She sounds like a complete ass hat. However your kids seems to have found their own ways to deal with her and your youngest are all up £100 each. As long as they know you don't agree with and dislike her behaviour then I don't think i
It's particularly damaging to them. I'd go postal about the cheese though.

JustHappy3 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:07:39

Your MIL is a nightmare. I like the sound of your sons very much though.

SapphireStrange Tue 27-Dec-16 15:08:30

It's really sweet of your son to suggest splitting the money.

I'd have gone apeshit about the cheese.

She's a monumental twat. I'm sorry, OP. I'd say for future years, 'If you bring presents for some but not the others, or favour one child, we will not let you in.' And mean it.

NB I don't mean she should spend loads on them all! Rather that she should spend a modest amount on them all, or not do presents, seeing as they're quite grown up.

Tartyflette Tue 27-Dec-16 15:09:14

Your kids sound great, you and DH have obviously done something right there, despite your MIL grin .

bloodyteenagers Tue 27-Dec-16 15:09:16

Why is this nasty bitch allowed in the house
To begin with?
Ffs he might be laughing on the outside but inside he will be hurting.
And to deliberately eat the allergic ones food.
Tell her to fuck off now and don't invite the bitch back until she grows the fuck up and treats all your kids the same, stop excluding and playing favourites.

NoelHeadbands Tue 27-Dec-16 15:09:50

I think it's a nice reflection on your kids that they don't mind, but that wouldn't be reason enough for me to accept it. It's outrageous

The cheese seems petty in comparison

Ouriana Tue 27-Dec-16 15:13:57

Your children sound brilliant but I agree your MIL is an arse. Id have sent her off to the shops to replace the cheese herself.

But no way in fuck would I allow someone to play favourites with my children in their own home.

The first time she had done this I would have stood up to her how have you let her play favourites with your DC for ten years?

stitchglitched Tue 27-Dec-16 15:14:18

Your 19 year old might laugh now at getting no presents but I bet he didn't when he was 9. Shocked that anyone would be so spineless as to allow their kids to be treated like that.

ShinyMoonFace Tue 27-Dec-16 15:15:43

She sounds like an ignorant ass.

Your sons sound lovely.smile

stitchglitched Tue 27-Dec-16 15:15:56

And why keep it a secret that the money is being shared? That is pandering to her and letting her think playing favourites so obviously is acceptable. Tell her the boys have divided up the money between them.

SheldonsSpot Tue 27-Dec-16 15:19:50

Well your 19 year old probably has no choice but to fake-laugh, given that his parents are so spineless they've let this woman exclude him from gift giving since he was 9 years old.

Yeah keep telling yourself he finds it hilarious if it makes you ok with it hmm.

TimeIhadaNameChange Tue 27-Dec-16 15:24:13

If you can't make her leave join in with the boys thinking it's hilarious, and make a joke out of it. Not easy, I know, but I have to do similar with my DM else I'd end up in tears all the time.

So, with the presents next year, do a prediction of who's going to get what. In front of her. It is a joke (albeit a very cruel one) so laugh along with it. And as for the cheese, "OMG silly Granny! She obviously thought "Help yourself to anything not in the tub" meant "only in the tub"! Are we playing opposites? Or is she just having a silly day today?"

I'm honestly not making fun of the situation per se, but if it's going to happen try to see the humour in it rather than the stress. I can guarantee she won't like it, whereas I suspect she enjoys the angst-making. Don't react how she wants you to.

And buy yourself a large bottle of gin for when she goes home!

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