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Birthday/Christmas upset

(212 Posts)
holidayponderings Mon 26-Dec-16 22:43:01

A few months ago dh fell out with his parents who were visiting our mil was yelling at him about not liking our house rules, i intervened and said you need to abide by them or leave - so she called to fil and they both left. We have been clear they cannot visit our home any longer but we will meet somewhere in our town so they can see the dc eg softplay, park, cafe they can choose.
Since then things have been very strained but i have taken the dc to their house an hours drive away to see them for an afternoon.
We have had limited phone contact....mostly fil and has been ignoring calls and yelling at dh when she has answered.
Obviously christmas is here, we also have a dc birthday.
We invited them to dc1 christmas concert which they attended.....dc gave xmas gifts and cards etc....they said they had left theirs at home 😕.
We got a text asking what day we were visiting for xmas and dh phoned back to say we have a new baby we will not be visiting anyone at present...but we were happy for them to meet with the dc. They said they'd come to our home, we said no but would facilitate a meeting in our town....they said no. We said fine.
We then received a text saying seen your nieces today and have a big bag of birthday and xmas gifts to pass onto you.....what day can you come to our home to collect them 😯. ( we havent told anyone whats happened so as not to involve the family etc)
I'm so upset.....i've tried to keep the peace for months and now my pil have a bag of gifts for my dc that i cannot get. Its my dc birthday and not only has she not got a gift from her gp, but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her.....i've had my baby 2 weeks...i cannot get on the car and drive an hour to pick them up and they bloody well know it!
(I have 5 dc its hard work and dh and i just need to be home with the kiddies right now).
Aibu....what can i say to make them understand or am i flogging a dead donkey?

LillyLollyLandy Mon 26-Dec-16 22:46:31

What are the house rules they wouldn't follow? Is it worth giving them another chance?

DollyPlastic Mon 26-Dec-16 22:49:51

Are you intending to keep this feud going for ever then?

What 'house rules' would they not 'abide' by?

amy85 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:52:35

Send your oh (and maybe an older child or 2) to go collect the presents.

You have decided that they are not allowed in your house so they can't bring them to you so you obviously will have to go get them

YouTheCat Mon 26-Dec-16 22:53:04

Depends what the house rule they broke was really.

GreenTureen Mon 26-Dec-16 22:53:53


Don't have them in your house, fine - but in this instance, they've had a bag of gifts dumped with them and they're letting you know they're there to collect - either go get them or don't, your choice.

They're probably tired of being forced to meet in random cafes and soft play and I don't blame them.

pictish Mon 26-Dec-16 22:56:38

What rule would they not abide by? This detail is pivotal.

Figure17a Mon 26-Dec-16 22:56:39

Yes, what was the house rule?

TBH I doubt I'd ever see my parents again if I banned them from my house and I don't think I'd be putting myself out for anyone who'd banned me from theirs.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 26-Dec-16 22:57:21

Why can't your DH go and get the presents? With or without older children.

HunterHearstHelmsley Mon 26-Dec-16 22:57:52

The gifts aren't being kept from her. You're choosing not to get them hmm

FrancisCrawford Mon 26-Dec-16 22:58:44

Depends what the house rule they broke was really.


Champagneformyrealfriends Mon 26-Dec-16 23:00:19

but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her

confused only by you though.

Without knowing what rules they broke it's hard to say WIBU but from your op you and your DH are I'm afraid.

LagunaBubbles Mon 26-Dec-16 23:00:25

Not allowing them in your house seems a bit drastic to me, what "house rule" did they break? Something silly like refusing to take their shoes off?

fourandnomore Mon 26-Dec-16 23:02:02

If you really can't come to a compromise could you suggest they courier them? Even large amounts of stuff costs very little these days and you could offer to cover the cost and even organise it if they'll measure the box for you, sorry it sounds like you're having a tough time with a lot going on and could do without extra upset.

redshoeblueshoe Mon 26-Dec-16 23:02:17

Come on - what house rules have they broken ?
soft play really is the worst place in the world

greenfolder Mon 26-Dec-16 23:02:33

I can only assume your dh cannot drive pr get there by public transport. Well its a rule you created. I assume it was for a valid reason. Presents will just have to wait in that case.

RedBullBlood Mon 26-Dec-16 23:03:25

You won't visit them, you won't allow them to visit you. Yet you want their gifts for your dc?
Without any background this just makes you sound difficult.

cbigs Mon 26-Dec-16 23:03:40


RJnomore1 Mon 26-Dec-16 23:04:39

The only thing I can think of that would warrant banning from your home would be smoking inside?

Bluntness100 Mon 26-Dec-16 23:05:24

I also don't see how the gifts are being kept from her. You didn't want extended family to know so they could not refuse to take them and your refusing to let them come to your home, so what do you want them to do, post them?

One of you go and get them. If your child doesn't get her presents only you are to blame there. As you refuse to collect and you refuse to let them deliver.

I'd have to also agree with the other posters, what was the house rule they broke? You're punishing them very heavily but not giving context as to what rule they broke that is causing this.

pictish Mon 26-Dec-16 23:05:27

That's what I was guessing too - smoking?

longdiling Mon 26-Dec-16 23:05:35

How are they supposed to get them to you if they can't come to your house? Have they refused anything other than you collecting or has the conversation gone no further than 'we have a bag of gifts..'? As in, have you asked them to post and they've refused?

BusyBeez99 Mon 26-Dec-16 23:05:48

OP what rules did they break and not then adhere to? Intrigued. Unless it's smoking or drugs I can't think of anything else

Bluntness100 Mon 26-Dec-16 23:06:42

>>That's what I was guessing too - smoking?<<

The op uses the plural, so it's more than one rule.

babychamcherryb Mon 26-Dec-16 23:08:01

Refused to take their shoes off?

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