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Other people going into our bedroom

(51 Posts)
Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Mon 26-Dec-16 22:20:04

AIBU here? I think I probably am but it drives me mad....

We went to a wedding last weekend and MIL looked after our baby (9 months) for the afternoon. While we were away she did our ironing (mine and DH's stuff, none of baby's, and obviously massively kind!) which was nice to discover when we got home, but, it had all been packed away into our drawers and wardrobe as opposed to being left for us to take up. To my mind, my drawers... and all the things they may contain (ahem)..... are private. In fact, I consider our bedroom as a room to be private. Bearing in mind she wouldn't have known what goes in which drawers, everything would have been opened and I guess it feels a bit invasive. Totally get this wasn't a case of rummaging through our stuff or anything but, I dunno, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'd never go into someone else's bedroom without permission, let alone start opening drawers and stuff? I felt a bit more 'urgh' about it as was utterly horrendous in terms of mess having gotten ready for the wedding in a bit of a hurry around baby-feeding so there was make-up, hair stuff, and clothes/underwear everywhere so I guess I'm also a bit embarrassed, but I didn't think anyone would be seeing it except me and DH.

I'm not sure if it's a familial thing as another of DH's family stayed a few weeks ago and I coincidentally saw them coming OUT of our bedroom asking if I had a hairdryer handy (no asking in advance).......So, is this not just a bit weird, or AIBU?

They're all totally lovely but it feels like a bit of a boundary issue (maybe mine, maybe theirs!) as to me privacy is quite important and our bedroom isn't for 'public' access. DH has no opinion either way, so out of curiosity, AIBU to find this unpleasant?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 26-Dec-16 22:22:28

Boundary issue. I don't like people in my bedroom without prior invitation/arrangement.

MapMyMum Mon 26-Dec-16 22:25:19

No Im exactly the same, hate people going upstairs uninvited

CurbsideProphet Mon 26-Dec-16 22:25:53

My MIL has done similar (she did our washing unexpectedly while we were away for the weekend) and I felt really uncomfortable about. YANBU.

tava63 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:26:57

YANBU I definitely know how you feel. Your MIL probably doesn't feel that her ironing job is fully done until everything put away and I think you are very wise recognising that different people have different boundaries. However why don't those people get that other people have different too??

MammyNeedsASpaDay Mon 26-Dec-16 22:28:50

I could've written this exact message!!!

YANBU. I said to husband oh I'll just go into your parents room next time we visit and go through all of their stuff. No.

I had workout clothes in my sock drawer. Surely she could've just left them on the bed since she felt the need to wash my stuff (which I also hate by the way, I'm an adult I can do it myself!) and it's not her business to go through my stuff. What next, my bank statements?

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam Mon 26-Dec-16 22:29:40

I wouldn't like that either. Odd.

Cosmicglitterpug Mon 26-Dec-16 22:30:42


LemonBreeland Mon 26-Dec-16 22:31:04

My Mum goes into our bedroom and I hate it. I find it such an invasion of privacy. Nobody should go into anyones bedroom, it is a personal space.

We are looking at buying a new house, it is a town house and the living room is on the same floor as the master bedroom. This would mean the only toilet on the same floor would be the master en suite. I just know it will be an issue to get my Mum to go downstairs to the guest toilet.

chocolateworshipper Mon 26-Dec-16 22:31:28

Yuk! YANBU. Opening your wardrobe to hang stuff if your bedroom door was open would be JUST ABOUT acceptable, but to open your drawers - NO FUCKING WAY!

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Mon 26-Dec-16 22:34:51

Phew! I was worried I was being ridiculously precious and needed to lighten up...... But it really makes me feel uncomfortable so will have to think of a way to approach it if keeps happening. That or I'll have to just install a massive sex swing (or similar) to shock them out of the habit.....

CannotEvenDeal Mon 26-Dec-16 22:36:42

Whenever either of our mums has ironed for us it's been left on the bed (which is fine with us) but never in the wardrobe/drawers.

DramaAlpaca Mon 26-Dec-16 22:36:50

I'd feel the same as you, OP. That would cross my personal boundaries. I'd be really annoyed if a visitor went into my bedroom for any reason and I'd make it quite clear they weren't to do it again.

SloanyAnne Mon 26-Dec-16 22:37:11

I'd be getting a lovely old fashioned door with a lock and keywink

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 26-Dec-16 22:37:55

Would she actually know what a sex-swing looked like? fgrin

DJBaggySmalls Mon 26-Dec-16 22:38:35

YANBU. My family dont do it any more ever since the incident of the vibrator left casually on our bed...

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Mon 26-Dec-16 22:40:09

Good point spongebob . Inflatable sex doll it is.....

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Mon 26-Dec-16 22:40:42

Oh DJ.... You are my hero!

JBJ Mon 26-Dec-16 22:45:00

I hate this too. I always close bedroom doors and leave the bathroom one open when anyone comes round, so there's no accidental going in, yet Christmas Day I found my bedroom door open so someone had been in. I hate it!

boomshakkala Mon 26-Dec-16 22:51:11

Yes it's a bit odd but I'm assuming you didn't set the boundary before you left?
If I were in your shoes I'd be a bit irked, but then I think I would get over it quickly when you consider the time and effort she has saved you.
I say let her crack on!

notrocketscience Mon 26-Dec-16 22:55:26

I hate it too! My Mum does this, she comes round when I'm not in to "tidy up". I've repeatedly asked her not to (difficult because I do recognise she needs to be "needed".) but she still does it. Goes round washing clothes which are already clean then dumps everything in my bedroom. i flipplin hate it.
My exMIL used to just walk straight in the house unexpectedly and once even in the bathroom when I was having a shower and 7 months pregnant. I so do not miss that...

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine Mon 26-Dec-16 22:56:11

Well, no boom, because I didn't think it was something that, as adults, needed to be explicit I suppose.

1horatio Mon 26-Dec-16 22:56:51

The only people I genuinely don't mind in our bedroom are the housekeeper and DD.

And a few other people I'm very close to. But I'd be somewhat upset if any of them went into our bedroom when we weren't home.

MrsGsnow18 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:58:31

I totally understand! I have in the past had privacy issues with MIL coming into our house when we were away.
Bedrooms are private places in my opinion.
It was nice if her to do the ironing but she should have left it in a pile for you to put away yourselves.

Lemon12345 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:59:42

I hate it too, because our bedroom is always a mess.

That said when I was in hospital early this year (2 week say) my MIL was a godsend. Visited me in hospital and always my pj's to hers to wash and brought me back clean, went to mine to collect clothes and changed beds, made or brought meals etc. But she never went through drawers or put things away. It did mean that DH was wearing the clothes that had been left out rather than putting them away and getting them back out, but between work, family and visiting me a good 45 mins (in no traffic) away he didn't have time and not sleeping (empty bed, stress and worry) for any sort of house work.

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